Too wish this girl had been more helpful?

[user128057]

So I am applying for a new job and need 2 references. I did voluntary work in a charity shop for a couple of years and thought I'd ask them to provide me with a reference.

The shop has shut down and I have no contact number for the manager. I thought I'd ask one of the volunteers if she'd would please let me have a phone number for the manager.

She asked me why I wanted their number cos she didn't want to give their numbers out ( they know me and so does she) and then she went on to say that I haven't bothered with any of them since I left and maybe I should find someone "who I currently bother with".

Now am I being unreasonable in thinking that's it's none of her business and she could of just given me their number or at least asked if they minded? Surely it's up to them to decide whether they write me a reference and nobody else?

Maybe I'm just mad cos it's put me in an awkward position as there's nobody else I can really ask.

Absolutely baffled by the idea that a reference can only be expected if you "stay in touch" with senior colleagues at an organisation.

I've never heard such a load of old toot! That's not what a blinking reference is - any company or individual that employs somebody should expect to contacted at some point later down the line for referencing purposes. Of course some colleagues one naturally clicks with and stays in touch with but that's on a friendship basis, not a professional one. If I attempted to artificially remain in touch with managers at some of the companies I'd worked at, purely for the sake of it, they'd quite justifiably think I'd cracked!

How would such a thing even work for the individuals responsible for referencing in a large company? You'd have potentially one or two people forced to maintain jovial contact with hundreds, potentially thousands of past employees.

Not insecure on that score.

Have stayed in touch with those I liked and who treated me well, some colleagues became friends.

Over time people naturally lose touch/move on, as a military brat quite used to that.

I've been friends with the one who was the bosses daughter over 20 years, we met through that connection but have a lot in common and have supported each other through a lot of lifes ups and downs.

I'm godmother to another friend's (who I met at work initially) daughter.

Not just me, several friends are still in touch with ex-bosses and colleagues and some of those working relationships have developed into friendships, even 3 marriages!

But Graphista that's a nice bonus of working at a company, not a requisite factor in them carrying out a perfunctory professional duty.

I used to work in personnel and would get reference requests all the time from former employees. It was NOT a requirement for them to stay in touch.

If the Manager they had worked with a had left, I could consult their personal file and provide a reference to confirm they were employed between certain dates and that they left on good terms.

It is entirely understandable that she refused to give out former co-workers personal details but there was no need to be so 'snippy' with her comments. Who you stay in contact with is none of her business. She could have passed on your details to your former Manager or directed you to the charity's head office.

To say that someone should only expect a reference from people they were fortunate enough to buddy up with subsequently is like saying that they should only expect to have their P60 sent through if they're mates with the guy in payroll.

You dont have to stay in contact. But giving out anyone's personal phone number is a generally considered to be a complete 'no no' so I don't think she has done anything wrong. And as another volunteer, asking her to get involved at all isn't ideal.
The right way to approach this is to ask the charity if they can contact your ex-boss for a reference.

I would ring or email the charity's main/local office and explain that you'd been a volunteer in their shop at X location back in (year) and that I was after a reference for an upcoming job interview. At the time, my manager was (name). Would it please be possible to pass my phone number onto (manager) so that she could call me back about the reference. Alternatively, does the charity itself give out references, and if so, could I please arrange to get one sent/emailed out to me.

I would say the former manager's duty to provide a reference ended with their employment by the charity. Since they no longer work for the charity, what you're asking for is a personal favour. So in that sense I can see what your former colleague is on about, and more so potentially, if the closure of the shop and the loss of their jobs was handled less than sensitively by the charity.

I think it's not unreasonable to contact the charity, as others have said, as they must be used to providing references to volunteers, and should be able to help.

My DD was in a sort of same situation in that she needed a job reference from a hotel she worked in and absolutely no-one she worked with is in employment there now. She told her new prospective employers that there was now no one in the organisation she could approach for a reference and offered a character reference from someone else instead which was accepted. Maybe something to consider if you have no luck getting this reference?

Hmm, I'm sitting on the fence

• One the one hand, typically you would approach the company if you just need a standard reference so I think you need to approach the charity that actually employed you/ engaged you as a volunteer.

• That said, I have approached ex-line managers to ask them if they would be prepared to be named as a referee, but only when I have vaguely kept in touch with them. I would not be happy if my ex-employer gave my private phone number out to someone wanting a reference. That's what Linked In is for.

Graphista, the point is this: you are sneering at the OP simply because she has not conducted herself exactly the same way you have during your time in employment. Not everyone pays for burial plots so they can spend eternity alongside their ex-boss's daughter.

So thanks everyone for your comments. I'm glad that I've done nothing wrong in wanting a reference provided for me by people who I haven't been in constant contact with.

Just to clear something up I'm not annoyed about her not giving me the number. I'm annoyed by her attitude more than anything. If she'd have said " I'll double check with them and get back to you" or " i can't give their number out but I'll pass your number on" then there would have been no problem at all.