Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to complain about over-zealous IDing?

66 replies

Tabbylady · 19/02/2017 15:04

I'm in my 30s. I accept I look young for my age and carry my driving licence.

Yesterday afternoon I was in a supermarket picking up some bits for family tea and 2 bottles of beer (DH and I planning a wild evening!).

Cashier asked for my ID. I handed her my licence.

Cashier: Well this doesn't look like you
Me: Yeah I know, bit of a hairstyle change! (I had brown hair, now blonde)
Her: raises eyebrows keeps staring at ID
Me: Erm, do you want me to give you my details off it? It IS me!
Her: Well you could have just memorised that
Me: OK. All the cards in my purse have the same name on them. You can check the card I'm paying with so it all matches.
Her: Well that might not even be your purse
Me: Right. (voice getting slightly raised) So you're accusing me of stealing someone's purse so that I can illegally buy two bottles of beer??
Her: Well I have to ask if I'm suspicious!!
Me: Yes I understand that and I'm happy to give you ID, but you're saying you don't believe it's me and you don't believe the cards I'm using are mine. Surely you should now be phoning the police, or just the manager?

Her: Eh, no, but I can't serve you the beer

Appalled by this logic fail on her part, I walked out of the supermarket leaving the stuff there. I felt a bit bad about that, but she'd only scanned one thing before the beers.

I have no issue showing ID but I'm still pretty annoyed at basically being accused of being a thief! Would it be unreasonable to contact them and complain? I'm quite embarrassed at the thought of going in there again!

OP posts:
MongerTruffle · 19/02/2017 15:37

I do not see the accusation of stealing just that it might not be the OPs ID.

The cashier said that it might not be the OP's purse.

HollywoodStunt · 19/02/2017 15:37

I got refused a lottery ticket once when I was twenty-three and obviously pregnant. Wouldn't care but the woman who refused me was the sister of my colleague and knew me Hmm

I share your frustration and annoyance but at the same time she has to do her job (but not in such a way as she treated you)

PageStillNotFound404 · 19/02/2017 15:38

I think her manner could be improved upon but she was within her rights to refuse the sale. She didn't say "you could have stolen the purse", she said it might not have been the OP's purse and that's quite true; it could have been an older relative's or friend's who'd loaned it to her.

I think if she'd just said after the initial scrutiny "I'm sorry, this looks sufficiently different for me to have to refuse sale of the beer" then fair enough - annoying, but she's just doing her job. She let herself be drawn into the OP's protestations a bit too much I think, but refusing the sale wasn't inherently wrong.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 19/02/2017 15:41

How do we know this is you posting here? Prove you haven't stolen the real Tabbys log in details. Wink

fairweathercyclist · 19/02/2017 15:46

She didn't accuse you of stealing the purse, just suggested it was not yours. My immediate assumption was that she thought you had borrowed the purse from an older friend. I see no evidence that she has accused you of theft, merely an assumption that you made

Hmmm - did anyone else read it this way? I think retail staff have to put up with a massive amount of abuse from customers. but I would have a major problem with being accused of theft or indeed just of lying about the ownership of my purse, and I would have complained.

I really don't think anyone in their 30s looks 17. I have a 29 year old friend who looks very young for her age, but it would be ludicrous to think she was under 18. All you have to do is look around the eyes!

SoupDragon · 19/02/2017 15:48

I think if she'd just said after the initial scrutiny "I'm sorry, this looks sufficiently different for me to have to refuse sale of the beer" then fair enough

I agree with this.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/02/2017 15:48

Staff can lose their jobs for not IDing correctly

iklboo · 19/02/2017 15:49

It's usually 25 for alcohol in supermarkets these days rather than 18.

fairweathercyclist · 19/02/2017 15:50

Ah well someone people did read it that way. Seems weird to think a 30 year old would be borrowing the purse of someone older though.

All these ID requests would be fine if we actually had ID cards. But we don't. Either we accept that we need ID cards or organisations stop asking for them. The law needs to be reviewed. I'm not sure what you do if you neither drive nor travel overseas.

fairweathercyclist · 19/02/2017 15:50

Sorry I meant to say 25 not 30!

PageStillNotFound404 · 19/02/2017 15:51

fairweathercyclist Many shops operate the 'Challenge 25' policy (which is considered good practice) so you don't have to look under 18, only under 25 to be asked for ID.

morningconstitutional2017 · 19/02/2017 15:55

I know that she has to do her job but your experience shows a lack of common sense which seems to be lacking among the young.

Me, I bought two bottles of beer from the supermarket this morning and wasn't asked for ID so I must now look my age at last!

HeyYouYesYou · 19/02/2017 16:00

OP I know what you mean and understand where you're coming from.

I used to always get asked for ID and sometimes the person checking ID would be (IMO) unnecessarily rude on seeing that I was in fact much older than I looked.

I have no problem with ID being checked. None at all. There is an awful lot at stake for the staff member responsible. However, the answer should then be "that's fine, thanks" or "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't accept this ID as it doesn't look sufficiently like you" [or whatever]. Once when entering a nightclub with a group of friends I had a bouncer shout after me, "You're the oldest of the lot of 'em!" Hmm.

It's the making a personal issue of it that's the problem here. The staff member wasn't straightforward about the matter at hand, she made a personal inference. There was no need for that.

scaryteacher · 19/02/2017 16:02

My ds (21) has a Belgian ID card, plus UK passport, because we live in Belgium for the moment. His Belgian ID isn't accepted as valid at certain places. God knows what a fully fledged Belgian would do in the UK if they proffered their country's ID as ID and it was refused.

HeyYouYesYou · 19/02/2017 16:02

Another personal comment I got once: "Oh my God you're closer to 30!"

Hmm

Yes I am (or at least I was!). I don't have a problem with you checking my ID, could you try to remain professional please?

Alargegarden · 19/02/2017 16:02

Supermarket cashier. Minimum wage job. Has not had the level of training given to police, border force etc but expected to enforce the law.
If she gets it wrong she gets sacked. Will not want to take that risk.
Sounds as if you enjoy more advantages in life. Maybe you could just have given her a break......
Also it is quite nice to jear that you look young when you are not..

HeyYouYesYou · 19/02/2017 16:04

alargegarden that's all true but nonetheless nobody likes to be personally insulted when nipping out for groceries.

abigamarone · 19/02/2017 16:07

I got refused a lottery ticket once when I was twenty-three and obviously pregnant. Wouldn't care but the woman who refused me was the sister of my colleague and knew me
That reminds me of the guy who repeatedly pointed at his beard and kept saying "I'm 22, I've got a beard" when I asked if he had any proof of age. I don't understand the relevance. Most stores operate a form of Task 25, some conduct their own test purchases using over-18s to check it's being adhered to. Being pregnant, having a beard or possessing car keys aren't an acceptable proof of age.

Alargegarden · 19/02/2017 16:10

Heyyou

I know. But some people have fewer social skills than others. Not their fault. Sometimes it is better to take a deep breath and let the moment pass. Easier said than done I know.

Original poster
Tabbylady · 19/02/2017 16:17

giraffesCantReachTheirToes dangnabbit you've got me- I'm actually the cashier Grin

I have no issue with being ID'd (particularly with the think 25 stuff- I probably do look about 25 on a good day) I was wearing jeans and a jumper with no makeup. BUT it was her attitude that was poor. She reminded me of that "computer says no" character.

Surely it doesn't matter where you got the ID/purse- using it as though it was your own is a crime regardless of if someone has given you the ID and cards or you've nicked it. (obviously different in POA cases where you're buying on behalf of others) - so surely if she thought I was committing a crime she should have followed up on that...?

I remember yonks ago police being called at a student nightclub after someone tried to use a fellow students' stolen ID... Confused

I might just write to the store manager outlining the situation and asking for clarification for staff/customers.

OP posts:
user84637252772 · 19/02/2017 16:30

She was a dick
Smile
YANBU

RhiWrites · 19/02/2017 16:43

OP, you should have asked for a manager rather than flouncing out. If she was seriously insisting she wouldn't sell you the beer because she didn't believe your ID was real that is grounds for a complaint.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 19/02/2017 16:53

YANBU! She absolutely should have had better manners, but as someone expected to uphold the think 25 in my job I have refused sale to someone who had ID that didn't look like them. I think it was probably her sisters purse/ID, did not say this to her and I have friends who have used their sister/friends iD so it does happen.
Definitely make a complaint about her attitude/customer service, which was poor at best, but if the ID doesn't look like you I fear you might face this again in the future.

WhispersOnTheWind · 19/02/2017 16:55

She was doing her job - yes, to the nth nitpicky hairsplitty degree of doing her job while being an arse. Probably it's the only 'power' over others she has and buggered if she isn't going to wield it to the max. Implying the OP stole or was colluding in misuse of someone else's ID and cards was gratuitously offensive and if she really believed that she had a duty to report it higher up. OP, yes, I'd complain, not about being ID'd or having the ID declined which is the store's right but because of the unnecessaryily officious 'over-egging' by the sales assistant.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/02/2017 17:15

I had a rather grumpy sales assistant ask me for ID when I was buying a DVD. It was rated 12 and I was 22. When she asked for ID, I said "Really? Fine, here you go. Do I not even look 12?"

Her response with serious attitude while she handed back my driver's licence: "I have to challenge 25 and I don't think you look 25!!"

For a 12 rated DVD?!? I doubt it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread