About exBF - phone and belongings?

[Welshmaenad]

Sorry, this may be long.

Almost 6 months ago I split with my BF. We didn't technically live together but he spent a lot of time at my house and had lots of stuff there. He took some when I asked him to leave but there are several large bags of his belongings still in my basement, plus an old stereo and surround sound system that he unsuccessfully tried to get me to buy from him (for £250 ).

Also, shortly before I saw the light and got rid, he convinced me to take out a new phone contract for him in my name on my existing account. The plan always was that he would transfer it to his own name after 6 months. Getting him to pay me every month for his phone expenses is a nightmare, he's always several weeks late paying and I've had to threaten more than once to have his handset blacklisted to get him to cough up.

He was controlling and emotionally and financially abusive when I was with him and he still tries to manipulate me. He lies, he wheedles, he guilt trips. He finds reasons to try to speak to me, phones me repeatedly, texts me begging me to answer the phone. He has recently tried to drag my children into the equation by claiming they are watching unpleasant and inappropriate videos on YouTube as his account is still signed in to my iPad (total lies but I fear he's building up to threatening reporting me over this, which would be difficult due to my occupation). I have had reports from neighbours that they've seen him on my property late at night but he denies being there. I basically want to end all contact and get on with my life, I am seeing someone else and I am happy and rebuilding my self esteem with the help of my lovely new bloke, who is allowing me to take things slowly and feel respected.

I have asked him multiple times to arrange collection of his stuff. This week he has tried to take over his phone contract and has failed the credit check. I can't bear another 18 months of monthly contact with him.

I have told him he either buys out the contract to keep the phone/number or hands the phone to me in mint condition and I'll change the number and give it to my DD to use. I've told him he has seven days to collect his belongings or I will dispose of them and all I've had back us "I'll check my work rota" - no indication of what he plans to do with the phone or when he'll be coming. I feel the need to have someone with me when he comes in order to feel safe so need to arrange this - the kids are away at their dad's this half term.

What the hell do I do if he keeps ignoring me? What are the legal implications of just throwing his belongings away? How can I recover the phone if he won't buy the contract out ( unlikely as he's always skint and was always sponging money from me). Will the police help me at all or will they just tell me it's a civil matter? Phone company were as helpful as they could be and have told me that as everything is in my name, the phone is legally mine and they will happily blacklist it as soon as I ask them to. Where do I go from here to just finish getting him out of my life so I can block his number and just be happy?

[Starlight2345]

I agree phone the phone company..Reporting a phone stolen is completely dishonest. Its not the phone companies fault.

RE his stuff..Can you drop his stuff at parents with a sorry in a rush on way to an appointment. ...Off you drive/

[TheMythOfFingerprints]

Tbh I think the biggest issue is him creeping around your house at night!
You need CCTV.

[Cherrysoup]

Am I missing something that you know where his parents live (I presume?) yet you haven't taken his stuff round and rung their bell to say here it is? Phone is harder if he won't hand it over/pay, neither of which seem likely, but I think it's worth saying it's been nicked and getting it blocked or asking the company to block it. Pretty straightforward, surely?

[ChasedByBees]

It's not dishonest to say the phone is stolen - OP is the legal owner. The ex is withholding it. It's theft. She can explain the exact circumstances to the phone company, that's not dishonest.

[chitofftheshovel]

I had similar with a mobile phone contract in my name but used by an ex. I put the contract on hold for 6 months, which meant he lost use of the telephone and in that time found a friend who wanted to take on the contract. I think it was as easy as switching numbers but memory is somewhat hazy about it.

[mygorgeousmilo]

I for one was not suggesting OP lie to police and say it was stolen in, say, a mugging. I mean stolen by HIM. He should be returning the handset to you or paying you off, it's in your name, you're paying for it and he refuses to give it back, therefore he has stolen it. Plus if you are paying for insurance, that's what it's there for, I don't think anyone is suggesting a dodgy claim or anything.

[bloodyteenagers]

His stuff knock on his parents door and leave his crap on their door stop.
Phone cancel the phone say it's lost and give the contract to your dd.
I really don't understand what all the dithering is about. You knew he was an arse 6 months ago so don't know why you are dragging this out. If
You wanted a clean break you would have dealt with this crap back then.
Also do check the google accounts on the iPad. He might still be logged in/connected to the device.
Block his number and email. Although won't be a problem anyway soon about the phone as you are blocking it.

[Welshmaenad]

Sorry, have been in mum's net embargo trying to get an essay done.

Yes, I know where his parents live but I don't want to go there/see them. They are pretty much always at home. They are disabled.

I also can't physically carry some of the stuff - chronic pain condition. There's massive bags of things and big heavy stereo speakers. If I ditch things on the doorstep and he's not home, his parents can't bring it inside either, and there's no way I'm going there when he is. If they get rained on/damaged he will lose his shit and I don't want to incur his wrath. That's why I have asked him, on numerous occasions, to come and get it himself. As it is, I've now disconnected his sound equipment from my tv and will doubtless be blamed for some fabricated damage, because he repeatedly told me I was incapable of doing that myself.

Likewise with the phone - I haven't been 'dithering', I was holding out until he could supposedly take it on himself, again to avoid making him angry.

I have tracked down the number for my local PCSO to see if he can advise me on the legality of getting rid of his things now I have given him notice that he has to collect them within a certain timeframe. I'm going to give him a call tomorrow.

[bloodyteenagers]

Well then get your ex husband or some
Of his mates to drop the stuff at his parents
When he's there. Take them up on their offer. If you wanted the stuff gone it would have been resolved months ago. Not just now disconnecting equipment.

The mobile I stand by why I said. He's been screwing your around for 6 months, having to chase him to pay up. That screams he wouldn't change the name. Why should he? At the moment it gets paid by you and he continues to use it. Should have put a stop to that crap the first time he was late paying the bill.

[RandomMess]

Please get some friend to help move the stuff - you can take it into his bedroom at his parents house so they don't have to put up with it.

Be brave, be strong

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

Put his stuff up for sale on gumtree. Use the proceeds to buy out the phone contract.

Give him until the seven days are up before you do that but then I wouldn't hesitate.

[BlueNeighbourhood1]

I haven't worked for a phone company for about four years - however I do remember being able to 'pause' a contract for up to a year. The phone would be disconnected and when you want to resume it you can do, the time it's been disconnected for is added to the end of the contract. Either that or take the loss on the handset, buy your daughter a new one and have the sim blocked and a new one sent out with a new number.
I had an ex do exactly the same to me with the phone thing, they won't give it back as they can't get one any other way. Once the handset is blacklisted it's another win as they have zero way to contact you.

[Welshmaenad]

Hello,
Thanks to everyone who commented - thought I should update.

Ex came last night and collected all his belongings. I was very shaky about actually seeing him and the neighbour who was going to be with me wasn't available, but I rang my BIL as soon as ex arrived and had him on speakerphone so he could remotely 'witness' which made me feel much braver. Ex tried to engage me in conversation and I just shut him down with minimal response and it was all over quite quickly.

He has managed to badger his grandparents into taking on the phone contract for him so will be doing this Monday. Billing period runs to 5th March and he has now paid this months bill so I've told him he has until then to sort it out or the handset will be blacklisted and I will retrieve it for DD to use.

I did end up ringing the local PCSO who was really supportive and offered police presence for the collection of his stuff if I felt I needed it but I just thought it would make him kick off. He also confirmed that had he not collected his stuff and I disposed of it, that there would have been no criminal offence committed, and the saved messages giving him multiple ultimatums would have been reasonable defence in the event of (unlikely) civil action - thought this might be useful for anyone else in a similar situation.

I feel better already having his stuff out of here and am counting down the days to being able to block all forms of contact and just get on with being happy.

[RandomMess]

Good for you

[Mrsglitterfairy]

Dump his stuff at his parents. All you can do with the phone is to speak to the network and ask them to blacklist the handset meaning he can't use it at all and suspend the SIM card. You can then either have the number changed and get them to send you a new sim to use or change the plan down to the lowest one possible for the remainder of the contract. It is a civil matter so the police won't get involved.

[Starlight2345]

well done OP..Glad things moving forward positively.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Fantastic OP, out of your hair at last ! 😄