AIBU to hope DH would sleep so we get a weekend?

[ROTFLBSST]

My husband works nights leaving the house at 5.30pm and doesn't finish at the same time each night, so could be 12pm/1am/3am/4am. I work days (8-5) so if I'm lucky I'll see him for 30 mins after work, more often though not seeing him at all so the only quality time we have is the weekend. Saturday night is the one evening we get together (unless he's on call) as I don't have to go to bed early/he's not at work.

If he finishes early (12/1am) on a Friday night (or Saturday if on-call) he'll often go out til 2/3am to see his mates, comes home and then he won't come to bed until 5am. He then sleeps until 3/4pm in the afternoon. AIBU to ask him to just come home and sleep so he'll be awake 9/10am so we can spend the day together? If it helps we often see his friends during the day at the weekend so its not the only chance he'll see them.

I realise its a tough mix of our jobs but if the situation was reversed I would make a conscious effort to be up earlier to make the most of the day. Probably doesn't help he's still asleep on the sofa now and has to go to work in 2 1/2 hours as he's on-call...

You are not being unreasonable.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Is he likely to think you are?

Thanks for your replies , I've raised it with him before and he sees what I mean but has continued to do it. He's asked me if I don't like him going out alone which I don't mind at all, it's more he doesn't tell me he's going to go out that night before leaving for work. To be fair I wouldn't even know if he had as I only wake up when he comes to bed!

I've worked nights and it is really easy to fall into a pattern of essentially what you like because nobody else is awake. It can be hard to come home and go straight to bed. However, I'm sure it's important to him that you get to spend time together as a family too. I'd raise it again with him nicely but with emphasis on how important it is for the family as a whole.

Can he actually sleep if he goes to bed earlier, or has he just got into the habit of sleeping late?

I would make a conscious effort to be up earlier to make the most of the day. That's really easy to say when you're not the one doing nights! I used to do nights and it would have been impossibly, and very frustrating, to try to sleep when I wasn't tired.

Nights are rough.

Why are his mates all up at 2/3 am?

Tell him that it isn't that you don't like him going out with his mates, it's just that he ends up spending less time with you as a result, and you hardly see each other as it is.

What notso said.

YANBU

Ali I've worked nights myself so I know what you mean, think its also he tends to sleep 10-12 hours whereas I only need 7-8 hours so this is a contributing factor.

Broken & Terry - Sometimes he can sleep sometimes he can't so I do know what you mean, I do think that if he shifted his sleeping pattern it would help though.

Notso - Good question , his whole group of friends are complete night owls even though my DH is the only one to work nights 2/3am is completely reasonable to them. They tend to go out at the earliest around 10pm and find a cafe open until 4/5am.

Thanks all, am sure you know what its like when you're trying to look at something at all angles!