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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider having a night out while off sick?

53 replies

DoughnutsAreForever · 18/02/2017 09:14

Have name-changed for this as anyone inclined to AS could find potentially identifying information but I am a long standing poster - Paul the spray-painted pigeon, wedding in Maui etc.

I work FT but am currently signed off with stress and exhaustion. Last year I bought tickets for DH and I to see a stand up comedian. That gig takes place one night next week. Part of me thinks a couple of hours laughing at jokes would do me the power of good, OTOH I still have a bit of a "if you're not well enough for school you can't play out" mentality and I suppose I'm a bit nervous about being spotted by a colleague and having it spread around the office that I can't be that bad etc.

It wouldn't be a full on night out with food and drink (I can't drink anyway thanks to the meds I'm on), it would literally be going to the theatre and straight home afterwards. Apart from anything else I'm physically not up to doing more than that at the minute.

AIBU to consider it? I'm genuinely torn.

(I'm about to get ready and head out to a counselling appointment so I will be disappearing for a couple of hours but will catch up with any replies afterwards. TIA)

OP posts:

Vq1970 · 18/02/2017 13:33

Definitely go, it's good for your recovery. I had an op recently and was signed off work for four weeks. I didn't sit in the house constantly for those four weeks. I was out with my mum helping me to do things and once I was cleared to drive, I was out driving and meeting friends, doing normal stuff but just taking it very carefully so as not to damage my healing or doing anything that would be detrimental to that.

You're not contagious, you don't need to keep yourself in isolation. Go and enjoy it.

morningconstitutional2017 · 18/02/2017 13:33

Only you can weigh up the pros and cons. It was booked a while ago before you were ill and it will no doubt do you the world of good - take you out of yourself.

But being spotted by a colleague is always a risk. Is there a workmate who you know you can really trust who you could confide in so that if you are seen they can sick up for you in the fairly unlikely event that they'll tell your boss?

OTOH this is an evening event and if, as I assume you work days so it's not actually during working hours if you want to be pedantic.

MotherFuckingChainsaw · 18/02/2017 14:08

Ring the hospital right now!

Babyroobs · 18/02/2017 14:20

I have a colleague who has been off sick for months now. She has been seen out Christmas shopping ( on the same day she told line manager she was still too breathless following pneumonia to come to work ) and more recently drinking in a wine bar. needless to say colleagues and management are none too pleased.

measles64 · 18/02/2017 14:26

Friend had booked two weeks in Mauritus then collapsed with stress exhaustion at work was signed off, still went on the holiday which did her a world of good. You need to be kind to yourself.

gameofchance · 18/02/2017 14:28

Go. There is a big difference between being fit enough to go out with DH for a couple of hours and being fit enough to go to work for hours on end and with people who may not be understanding. You cannot stay in all the time!

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 18/02/2017 14:30

I think one of the best things for stress/depression is getting out the house, the last thing you need is to be stuck in.

If you were off with flu etc obviously it would be different

Go and enjoy yourself lovely! 😃

ForeverLivingMyArse · 18/02/2017 14:31

Of course you should go!

Iamastonished · 18/02/2017 14:37

Go and enjoy the show. Who is it?

supermoon100 · 18/02/2017 14:41

I wouldn't feel crazy about it if you were my employee. It's not really a mindset I understand

Cantstanddisney · 18/02/2017 14:43

If a person signed off with stress had pre-booked a holiday, you wouldn't expect them to cancel it would you? I see this as no different - just a mini-couple-of-hours-long-holiday. I would not feel the need to explain this to anyone, they can hardly expect you to make a recovery by becoming a hermit.

Original poster

DoughnutsAreForever · 18/02/2017 14:57

Iamastonished It's Miles Jupp :)

Supermoon Thanks for that perspective. Do you mind expanding on "It's not really a mindset I understand"? Do you mean you wouldn't expect someone off sick to go out under any circumstances?

OP posts:

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo · 18/02/2017 15:06

Reasonable to mention to manager, in the context of 'feeling you can go aout again at last' and 'doing things to help you destress / cope with stress' and that your GP and counsellor have encouraged you. Sitting at home, ruminating will NOT help with stress (watched my DH do this). Your manager should be pleased you are being pro-active about trying to get well again, as long as your stress symptoms don't include physical exhaustion which could be made worse by this trip out. That way your manager can also nip in the bud any gossip about you from your colleagues.

EmeraldScorn · 18/02/2017 15:09

Don't be so silly, of course you can (and should) go. It will do you the world of good to relax for an evening and so fuck if anyone you work with sees you, it's none of their business and if they feel/felt the need to gossip about you that says more about their integrity than your own.

Go! Relax! Enjoy!

KeepingitReal2 · 18/02/2017 16:17

Why are you asking I'm assuming it's not even in work hours... It's exactly what you need

Lumpylumperson · 18/02/2017 16:23

Go.

Stress and exhaustion don't render you bedboubd. Anyone with a kernel of sense will understand that some fun and laughter is ideal for you.

There may well be one or two people less educated about stress etc who assume you should be sat in wringing your hands. Generally though awareness is growing that maintaining as much of a life as you can is healthy and beneficial.

for you.

HandbagCrazy · 18/02/2017 16:28

I was off ill with both physical and mental health issues last year. I went to 3 sporting events I had tickets too. It wasn't a secret but also wasn't posted on social media because, like you, I came off it for a while.

I did gee guilty, especially when I really enjoyed it, but I spoke to my manager about it when I came back and he sort of shrugged and said that realistically, no one can expect you to sit at home for weeks doing nothing. Also, going to something enjoyable for Andre hours then coming home to rest asks for a lot from you than going to work!

Stripeyblanket · 18/02/2017 19:43

I was signed off years ago with stress and depression and my HR lady told me if I could afford it, to book a holiday and go away!
You are off with stress, a mental illness not some physical illness like flu. You should be doing anything you think would help reduce your stress levels and increase your mood. Laughter is good for that.

fuzzywuzzy · 18/02/2017 19:46

Go, you don't have to be bed bound to be too unwell to go into work.

A friend of mine was signed of work due to being massively unwell due to a personal situation, she ended up eventually going out to her family who live in a holiday destination and it did her the world of good to recuperate & get well.

I hope you have a wonderful time.

cardibach · 18/02/2017 19:47

What isn't a mindset you really understand, Supermon? Having stress? Or taking positive steps to improve your mental health if you do?
I'm struggling to understand your mindset, tbh, and I'm glad you aren't my boss.

Changesorter · 18/02/2017 19:49

I went to a gig when signed off with depression and anxiety, only to run into some colleagues and my line manager there. You know what they didn't care and were really happy to see me out having a nice time. What they don't know is that the entire night was too much for me and I had a huge panic attack and had to leave early. I think a comedy night would have been much easier to handle than going to see a band

Shurleyshummishtake · 18/02/2017 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redglitter · 18/02/2017 20:01

When I was off work with stress & depression my GP stressed to me going out etc was really important. I'd agree with pp don't post about it on social media cos you'll always get at least one nasty colleague who'll think you shouldn't be out.

Enjoy your night out

NoCapes · 18/02/2017 20:04

Surely the worst thing you could do is sit at home and stare at the walls all day and night - that's going to make you feel 100x worse!
Go, relax, enjoy

Vinorosso74 · 18/02/2017 20:06

Go if you feel up to it. I think it will do you good.
I was signed off with a broken arm once and after a week of being indoors either at hospital or home was feeling a bit fed up so decided it was worth getting out (obviously short walks, something light at the shops) which helped me feel better.

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