I probably am but would love a second opinion

[bumblebeet]

We are a family of four, DP has his own business but it doesn't earn us much money, I work pt 3 days a week. We have a few breaks a year, usually camping or a cheap cottage for a weekend.
My SIL and her partner do not have kids, they both work full time and earn enough to have savings and a decent pension.
In the past we have gone away for a weekend with them, a couple of times. We pay two thirds and they pay a third. Worked out per person.
They keep asking about going away as they want to spend time with the kids but it's difficult for us to afford this.
Would it be reasonable to say that we could go if they would be able to pay half.

I know that we chose to have kids and we chose for me to work pt but it is them who want to go away and who can afford to.
AIBU?

[ChuckSnowballs]

They are notoriously tight though.

Then I suggest never going on holiday/out with them. Find some nicer people that are more pleasing of spirit.

[everymummy]

We do a lot of this sort of thing among a group of families with varying spend potential and numbers of kids. We always split the cost between bedrooms. Most people have their kids in their room with them. If the house has surplus rooms so kids can have their own, we just divide between adults.

If we were going away with one other family, we would go halves.

Your in-laws are tight and mean.

[Finola1step]

I think that's for the best OP. Perhaps aim for a short break away together every 2 years. FWIW, we would tend to split costs evenly amongst the adults. Or you could split according to how many bedrooms used. But well done for nipping this in the bud now - these things have a habit of dragging on until things get booked that people can ill afford.

[neonrainbow]

When we've been away as a group with kids we split the cost per adult. Seems to work well maybe suggest it?

[expatinscotland]

And when you cannot afford their takeaway, you say so. 'It would be lovely but we cannot afford a babysitter just now.' Don't bring up going away again. She brings it up and you don't have the money you say, 'Sorry, cannot afford it.'

[WanderLustingLane]

They sound tight. I'd be so embarrassed at someone producing a calculator at dinner I think I'd snap to put it away and I'll bloody pay, just to show them how ridiculous they are. Such an unattractive trait.

Also y opinion may be unpopular but if we were ever doing something like that we wouldn't include kids we would do it as split between how many adults? But eveyone is different. I just find it pedantic and it puts a dampner on it from beginning

[expatinscotland]

'I'd be so embarrassed at someone producing a calculator at dinner I think I'd snap to put it away and I'll bloody pay, just to show them how ridiculous they are. Such an unattractive trait.'

Far better to never go with them again. If you pay, they'll sit back and let you. People like this don't care.

[Pukepukepuke]

I've got two kids and all of my friends who don't have kids won't even consider not spitting the bill half and half. A kids meal on most places with a drink costs the same as prob two alcoholic drinks or even one if you drink a huge glass of wine or a cocktail and sometimes they end up paying more or sometimes we do x

[dowhatnow]

You could say. Looking at the finances we could stretch to x amount. it probably isn't enough but if we can find something within that budget then we'd love to do it.

[BakeOffBiscuits]

Gosh they are tight aren't they? It's their lose though as they aren't getting time with their nieces and nephews. It's not your fault, do not feel guilty about it!

[AgainstTheOddsNo2]

Invite them camping?

[Idefix]

What Dowhatnow says, find a cheaper option and present this to them or invite them camping!

We always went 50/50 with family but for single friends worked out an individual share of the fee.

Couldn't you just explain to them your issue?

[Aderyn2016]

I think that if you rent bigger accommodation, so your dc have own rooms etc then you do have to pay the extra costs incurred. If it was a 2 bedroom place and the kids were in with you or on a sofa bed in the living room, then 50/50 is fairer. It depends on whether your need for more room makes the cost of accommodation significantly more expensive for them.
If there's not much in it, I don't see why they wouldn't just split evenly. Tightness is such an unappealing trait. I cannot imagine wanting money from my siblings because I bought things for their dc on a day out. Yuk!

[expatinscotland]

This is not your problem to sort out and you don't have to accommodate them and their meanness by shopping for cheaper places, inviting them camping, etc.

[archersfan22]

Can you invite them to stay with you instead? Obviously would involve costs but probably still cheaper than going away/going out for meals?

[Butteredpars1ps]

It is unlikely that your children account for a third of the cost of your accommodation. Who gets the best bedroom?

When we did this with friends who didn't have children we split the cost of the accommodation 50/50. The couple has the larger master bedroom and DH, DC and me the 2 smaller ones. We tried to pay for a higher proportion of shopping too, accepting that we would eat more of it.

I think you were wise to say you can't afford it. You are being taken advantage of.

[Kewcumber]

I'd lay odds on that they don;t understand the state of your finances. Start being much more obvious about it. And if they ask to take the children out then don't give them money - maybe give the kids a few pounds pocket money.

I have never heard of adult family members taking money to take out the kids unless they are doing you a favour.

[Fanciedachange17]

Let them take your dc away for the weekend without you?

Because they use a calculator when out for a meal with family I agree they are seriously mean but they are family and I assume your DH likes them?

Camping may be the way forward. Maybe a weekend at Shell Island? Beautiful and cheap. Or youth hostels. You'd have a family room which works out cheap and they would have to pay extra if they wanted one for themselves. We've done Snowdon, Ironbridge, Yorkshire and London this way and it is affordable especially with self catering thrown in.

Steel yourself and DO NOT give them money for taking their own neices/nephews out for the day. It's family after all.

[meganorks]

As several say, you should split by bedrooms. So if 2 and you have your kids in with you then 50/50. They sound a bit miserly though with the calculator so don't bother.
That said, I am always quite concious of bill splitting if with my 2 kids and others have 1 or none. Usually people say not to worry but I try and split more fairly. Similarly with big groups if someone doesnt drink for example. People don't usually want to say themselves so I try and mention it if I don't think it's fair.

[Kewcumber]

Yes what fancied said - plan a holiday you can afford (hostels or camping) pay for your family and invite them along - they can pay for themselves.

[bumblebeet]

Thanks all, can't really invite them to ours to stay as they only live down the road! Will have a chat with them when we see them but we do enjoy their company and they are lovely with the kids so it's a shame not to do anything.

[expatinscotland]

Then camping or youth hostel is the way forward because you pay for your own and they pay for theirs. The calculator at dinner is embarrassing.

[expatinscotland]

I'm stunned they take money from you to take the kids out. I'd do what Kew suggests.

[bumblebeet]

We would do the book something then invite them along but if they aren't coming we wouldn't be going away anyway. We already have two camping trips and a summer holiday booked so unless we were going with them we wouldn't book another.