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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you could change 3 things in your life...

45 replies

ElvishArchdruid · 18/02/2017 04:39

Past, present or future, what would it be? How do you think the change would impact things?

OP posts:
Purplebluebird · 18/02/2017 09:11

I would never have moved to England

I would not have any mental health issues, so I could easily work full time

And one more that I can't mention.

FeistyUnicornsCanKill · 18/02/2017 09:15

Future: I would like a different DP. One who actually likes being in a family.
Present: Less debt
Past: My mam dying.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 18/02/2017 09:16

I would never have started smoking
I would have stayed my pension earlier and paid a bit more
I would never have stated smoking

wishparry · 18/02/2017 09:20

I would like to have a better memory.that's it really.

Lessthanaballpark · 18/02/2017 09:24

Past: I would have been stronger and stayed living abroad when I had the chance.

Present: I would get up earlier and not spend hours procrastinating on mumsnet and YouTube Blush

Future: I'll be slim healthy and organised

Ginxed · 18/02/2017 09:37

I would have made my sister have the op to remove her brain tumour before it killed her.

I would have told my friend it didn't matter that her ex wouldn't give it one more try and that he wasn't worth committing suicide over.

I wouldn't have dumped the amazing guy I was with at 18 because I was too young for a serious relationship.

EmeraldIsle86 · 18/02/2017 09:40

I don't really have many regrets - nothing I would drastically change anyway.

At the moment, I wish we had more money, more time and more space.

More time is about to sort itself as ds3 is due in May so having one of us at home full time will ease general life pressures (drop offs, pick ups, house stuff) even with a new baby.

Money and space however...we desperately need to move as we're in a 2 bed and ds3 will be in with us until we move. But money is a issue what with maternity wages so we're currently keeping our fingers crossed for a lottery win Grin

UnexplainedOnHerCollar · 18/02/2017 09:55

I would find the perfect house to buy tomorrow and the sellers would accept my offer and we'd be moving in a couple of months.

The kids would have a stress-free bedtime that took about half an hour (instead of 2-3). I'd tuck them up, say goodnight and have some time in the evenings.

I'd have a nice, caring, supportive family with parents who I could actually leave the DC with.

Original poster
ElvishArchdruid · 18/02/2017 11:21

I'm sorry to those who have lost family and loved ones or have family/loved ones with life limiting illnesses Flowers

Looking back I'm stuck between a few choices. I landed a really good office junior role & got promoted quick, they wanted to train me and pay for it, like a tit I was all about a 25p an hour payrise in the most mundane of jobs. That was a silly, silly mistake. The other thing is staying at school, but then I wouldn't have got the awesome job, so swings and roundabouts.

I would or should have got health insurance with my first job, then I could have been afforded private care. Not that there's anything wrong with the NHS, but it would have helped get speedier treatment.

I hope one day, from the millions of ideas I have I actually act on one of them. I should sell the other ideas on. Grin

Do any of you have a once in a lifetime holiday they'd like to go on? Like visit the US or Australia. I love the idea of travelling the world in a year.

I read a book that's got a bit of section in relationships, I was surprised at past relationships, how many were abusive. I didn't know there was so many ways that people control others. Like the BF who wanted everything to move at the speed of light, then got sulky/upset if things didn't go his way. (We led to him getting his way!) It's def worth a read. You can read it for legally too, so it's worth looking up, I might go bump it up if it's not visible.

OP posts:
0nline · 18/02/2017 11:32

can you get some help with working through your feelings?

I know it probably doesn't sound like it, but I've had help. Good help. The local psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADHD as a direct result of a referral that was generated by my complete collapse (head state wise) after I was told he was dead.

And the diagnosis was helpful. Things made more sense. I have strategies now.

But... pain is pain. Nobody has a magic wand to give me a do-over of events 30 years ago to make it so it all never happened. I just have to push through and let the hurt do what it wants to do until it doesn't want to do it anymore. Which will happen. Eventually.

I just would vastly prefer being in ignorance and not having to wait it out. Best of intensions on other people's parts. But in retrospect, as I sit here pulling shrapnel out of various bits of me, a yet to be accidentally discovered, unexploded information bomb out there on the internet... looks much more attractive than a post exploded one.

Personally I am looking forward to when time machines are a thing. I will be making extensive use of mine. Chances are there will be traffic jams on the Back In Time super highways. But I can live with that. I've waited 30 years for a peace that just won't come. A few hours waiting for a bottle neck of Tardis(es) to ease is do-able.

Chasingsquirrels · 18/02/2017 11:41

I didn't mean it as a quick fix, but am glad you have support.

Thinkingofausername1 · 18/02/2017 14:43

I would have looked after myself more and not given so much time to so called friends.
I would move house because I regret choosing this one makes me depressed. Can't afford to move now.
I would have been more laid back when I was younger and travelled a bit.
I would have had another child despite health risks

strugglingwithmaths · 18/02/2017 14:58

Past- I would have made more normal friends at university instead of hanging round with all the alternative oddities. They all vanished after uni and I'm sad I missed the opportunity to have lots of long standing friends
Present- have the time to get fitter
Future- some time to myself!

Kikikaakaa · 18/02/2017 15:00

I wish I hadn't met one of my exes as otherwise I would never have been in such a financial mess for so long

I wish I had been a better mother at times. I was young.

I wish my DC's have a happy life

lalalalyra · 18/02/2017 15:12

I wish I had been a more confident mother in the early days. I was so terrified of being like my own parents that I didn't trust my judgement about anything. I think that allowed medical professionals to brush me off when I knew there was something wrong with DD2. Although I am proud that I have got more confident - when DD3 was born I knew something wasn't right and I was confident enough to yell until someone listened and she got the help she needed much sooner.

I wish I'd listened to my instinct when I bumped into my grandfather when I was 21. My brothers hated him for abandoning us (they couldn't watch their daughter and SIL's car crash of a life anymore so cut contact with them, which meant us 4 kids as well), but my instinct was that he was a sad old man who regretted his decision. I met him properly for the first time last year after he'd made many gentle efforts over the years to remake contact - birthday cards when they knew where we lived, birthday notices in the paper, little congratulations notices in the paper when they heard I'd got married etc - and he is a lovely man who just couldn't handle seeing his daughter in the states my mother was in. He genuinely had no idea how bad our situation was.

My brother is actually very like our father and I wish I'd realise that sooner. Most of my teenage years were bossed by him and I realise now it wasn't all for my own benefit, and even with some of the things that were I should have been allowed to make my own mistakes.

TeddyIsaHe · 18/02/2017 15:13

Past - wouldn't have relied on alcohol to make myself feel better. I made so many mistakes and I like myself so much more now I'm not drinking.
Present - stop people walking all over and trying to please everyone.
Future - my daughter to not make the same mistakes in life I did.

ROTFLBSST · 18/02/2017 15:21

past - Realising earlier the effect that selfish on-friendships can cause.
present - Keeping in better contact with friends and family, moving around all the time makes it all the more important to staying in contact - the cheesy 'friends are like stars - you may not see them but they're always there' is pretty accurate!
future - Gaining the confidence for TTC.

lizzieoak · 18/02/2017 15:37

Great question!

Past: I'd have gotten divorced years earlier.

Present: I'd have met a great partner by now and not be alone anymore.

Future: win the lottery, natch, and never work again.

It's all out of my control so I might as well think big!

EssentialHummus · 18/02/2017 15:43

I'd have liked to realise earlier than I suffer from anxiety, and that it needs to be faced and dealt with rather than run away from.

I'd like to feel more secure about my work. I'm self-employed after years in the paycheck-even-if-you're-sleeping world of law. I am earning just fine, but I keep having monumental panics that things aren't OK.

Completely irrational and probably unfounded (see para 1 above), but I really wish the lovely flat we were buying was 100m up the hill from where it is, closer to the outstanding, oversubscribed comp I have my eye on, so I don't have to spend the next decade scrutinising the catchment data and praying.

Flowers to everyone going through difficulty/sadness.

barinatxe · 18/02/2017 15:45

Perfect health, true happiness and absolute power over the general public.

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