Am I unreasonably anxious/worried :-/

[MuncheysMummy]

Ok so as not to drip feed and to give you the full picture DH and myself lost a baby to a missed miscarriage ending in horribly traumatic circumstances. It then took over 3 years of trying before I fell pregnant again by which time we'd gone from thinking and talking about in the future "when we have a baby" to "if we ever have a baby" he's here now and 8 months old and is just my whole world. Which brings me to my problem...is it normal to feel genuinely terrified that he's going to stop breathing in the night? He still sleeps attached to my side of the bed in a Chicco Side sleeper but if I'm honest with myself I know he's outgrown it as he's really tall for his age (over 95th centile for height) he's more comfortable in his proper cot (he has his naps in there to get him used to it) I wake up every time he sighs loudly or makes any noise or rolls over plus multiple times he doesn't as he hasn't for a while! and my heart stops until I've rolled over and checked he's still breathing. I can't fall asleep at night until I can hear him breathing beside me,he's totally healthy and happy so I have no medical reason to worry. I feel that because we wanted him so much for so long he's too good to be true and might be taken away from us (as in he might pass away in his sleep) the thought of him sleeping in his own room (next to ours for context he'd be around 8 feet away but with a wall between us) makes me feel panicky and anxious. My question I suppose is are these feelings normal? Is it worth speaking to my health visitor about this? My friend thinks I should but my husband thinks that I'm fine. Another question is realistically how likely is he to be fine? This is what I want the health visitor to talk to me about really,how likely are babies to just pass away at this age?
Writing that down has made me look a bit nuts I think and thanks for reading those that do,it's just a stream of consciousness really I apologise for the lack of punctuation I daren't go back and proof read as i will chicken out of posting!

Oh I do this too. I think it's normal.
I'm actually quite a laid back person but every time my kids go anywhere without me, as I wave them off, I always have the thought that they might die in a crash & I'd never see them again.

I don't think YABU at all. I haven't suffered the trauma you have, but I still had each of my DC sleeping in a cot next to my bed until they were at least one so I could hear them breathing. Can you fit the full-size cot in your room at all? Even now (aged 14,11 and 8), only the 14 yr old has his door shut at night and I can still hear them all quite clearly.

I had a mmc at 12 weeks, mc at 6 weeks and then fell pregnant soon after but spent the entire pregnancy expecting another loss...so when she finally arrived (traumatic emcs) I didn't let her out of my sight for over a year, so I can understand. I used to get intrusive thoughts (what if my partner drops her while I'm in another room, what he has a car crash with her in the back and I'm not there, what if I forget to close the stair gate and she falls etc), but found a really helpful thread on here about it and realised it was very common, if not completely normal, and probably more so after having experienced losses. It gets much better with time.

I just wanted to agree with those saying you may find it better with him in his own room now. I found by about 6 months with both of mine that it was easier for me to sleep separately as they made a lot of small noises all night that were fine to ignore. "Mummy radar" is pretty sensitive and never goes away though you recalibrate as they get older :)

I remember having a conversation when visiting my own mother which went along the lines of "when do you stop noticing ..." at which point she asked me about something I'd done overnight the night before ...

Anxiety can be reasonable, and a problem, at the same time IMO. If it is causing problems for you then it's a great idea to chat with your GP about it; just acknowledging it might help managing it.

I was like this, sorry this probably isn't helpful but I still have to check my DS is breathing every night before I go to sleep and again any times I get up to go to the toilet...he's 9

Just to counteract all the posts above, I'm certainly not like this and do think it seems over anxious (although given your history, understandably so). For the first couple of weeks I'd lean over to check mine were breathing but after that, no. Mine did wake 2 hourly until about 15 months old though so I didn't have chance to be anxious!

I think we all go through this a bit with our babies. Can you bring the cot into your room? We did that with DS as I wasn't comfortable with him being in his own room when he'd outgrown the Moses basket. I can't remember the exact age he went into his own room as he's nearly 13 now but you have to do what you're comfortable with.

I've been exactly like this with all my babies & I personally have never suffered any previous losses. I think it's just a mum thing, you love them so much. My DS (18m) is on a completely different floor to us & we use a camera monitor which puts my mind at ease. (I used same camera monitor when DD was in room next door) If I wake in the night, I watch the monitor until I see movement, then I can go back to sleep.

I was like this with DS1, who I was told during delivery might die if he didn't come out soon (!!). I look back now and wish I'd spoken to my GP about it though as I didn't enjoy the early months with DS1 as I was too anxious.

Can you fit a normal cot next to your bed? Then when you're ready you can move that into is room and it will be an easier transition for him. If both you and OH are happy with him in the room then I don't see why you would have to move him any time soon, many babies who are BF still sleep near mummies for night feeds at this age. It is perfectly normal in many countries for much extended co-sleeping (my SIL is Japanese and she has both ds's in with her, 7 and 3 and my bro is the one who sleeps in another room!!).

I do think that your feelings are completely normal, I went through feeling a milder version of them myself but as I am fortunate to have not experienced loss and my DD1 was a snorer DH was able to talk me into moving her a little more easily!! Even now with DD's 5 and 2 I have to see that they're breathing before I go to sleep.

DD still has a breathing sensor pad at nearly 2. I was so anxious at first I made DH stay awake watching her whilst I slept. That lasted about 6 months and then the breathing pad arrived and I've been much less anxious since. Not sure if it's normal or not but I think it's quite common, lots of my NCT group feel the same!

We've never used a sensor pad, and haven't had monitors since about a year old (house isn't big enough that I wouldn't be able to hear them!)