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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried that my LL is physically hurting my dog

56 replies

user1483971196 · 16/02/2017 14:55

I have posted about my LL before. Unfortunately I am still living with her. Last night she was sitting and the sofa, when my dog sat next to her on the floor, leaning slightly on to her legs affectionately. She purposely moved her legs suddenly so he fell to the floor, and said 'I hate it when they lean'. He stayed nearby, and a minute or so later she said 'right, go away now' and suddenly pushed him, really hard away from her, so much so that he crashed head first into the corner of a piece of furniture. She didn't seem upset or embarrassed that I had witnessed this. I don't know if I am over reacting.. I don't believe she meant to push him into the furniture, but I can't see that the action wasn't meant to be cruel and aggressive. She has always seemed a bit 'off' with him, silly things like she pats him really hard, like she enjoys hurting him while being able to pretend she is being nice to him. He's genuinely a good, very quiet and sensible dog, and is in my room 99% of the time when I'm not walking him. She had her dog put down recently and I know has a lot of unspecified emotional issues. Anyway I'm just worried I'm over reacting, and if it's nothing I don't want to cause issues over it. My dog is my priority and if my instincts are correct, then of course I will make sure he is out of harms way

OP posts:
Jux · 16/02/2017 16:04

Collaborate, unnecessary.

User, when you feel you can't trust your own judgement, it is often a sign that you've been in, or are in, an abusive relationship. I think you might benefit from the Freedom Porgramme. See if there's one near you.

Good luck with the househunting, I hope you and yourg find somewhere quickly. Your current LL sounds nasty, and your dog definitely needs protection from her; perhaps you do too.

Is there a locla dog sitting service you can afford? Do such things even exist? Somewhere like a childminder's but for dogs.

Have I found a gap in the market?!

Original poster
user1483971196 · 16/02/2017 16:06

TheHodgeofTheHedge thank you so much for that link, I had no idea she had to give some notice. You're amazing thank you

OP posts:
NC1nightstand · 16/02/2017 16:08

Are you the same poster who pays extra for your room so that your LL is supposed to take care of putting the bins out etc? You chose it so you could concentrate on recovering from a dv/ea situation that you escaped from. But the LL is not keeping to her word and also being a bit weird? Sorry if I have confused you with someone else, it's just that a dog was never mentioned.

madein1995 · 16/02/2017 16:11

Oh god reading this makes me so sad op. For your dog and you. This can't go on. As a responsible dog owner, you have to find somewhere else to live. You would do if it was your child being treated this way. Your pet relies on you for everything, you have to put them first. I'm surprised how well you've taken it actually, you seem very calm and reasonable. If it were me, LL would be getting a mouthful at the least. But this absolutely can't continue. Leave.

Original poster
user1483971196 · 16/02/2017 16:13

Thank you Jux for the advice and kind words, I will look into that program.
NC1 nightstand yes I am the same person. I didn't mention my dog in the post I don't think.

OP posts:
madein1995 · 16/02/2017 16:14

I've just read more of your thread, and absolutely you're right, being homeless isn't the option. Make house/flat hunting your absolute priority - I appreciate it's not easy with a pet, but if you're willing to pay a bit extra I'm sure others will. Looking for somewhere else to live must be a priority, it can't go on, but don't leaveif you've not anywhere else to go to. Just throw all your energy into house hunting. And keep pet on your lap/protect him etc in the meantime

BastardGoDarkly · 16/02/2017 16:17

I'm so glad you've looked into getting another place OP. She sounds weird at best, and horrible at worst.

You sound a fabulous dog owner, I hope you both get a lovely home, you deserve it.

And yes, lock your dog in your room while you're out from now on, good luck with moving on!

Original poster
user1483971196 · 16/02/2017 16:18

Thank you for the kind words and support. I have put an advert out and have also contacted a landlord who I know will let me bring my dog too. Please cross your fingers for us. I know my current landlady has had trouble renting her rooms as they are expensive, so I am hoping she will not be willing to kick us out until we have found somewhere

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 16/02/2017 16:21

Try not to let her know you're looking, keep your head down and just give her notice when you get somewhere.

How much notice do you need to give?

Original poster
user1483971196 · 16/02/2017 16:22

I am a lodger, and I haven't signed a contract. So I think I just have to give reasonable notice. I have only been here a month and a half though.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 16/02/2017 16:30

Reasonable notice will depend on the circumstances. If she has deliberately caused harm to your dog then that could be taken to be a fundamental breach of contract, entitling you to leave with little to no notice. Hopefully you haven't paid a deposit.

CoolCarrie · 16/02/2017 16:30

Good luck, will be crossing fingers for both of you. Take care of yourself and your dog.

GatoradeMeBitch · 16/02/2017 16:38

Can a friend or family member look after him until you are in a better situation?

madein1995 · 16/02/2017 16:43

Fingers and toes crossed for you op Smile I agree with trying to keep things under wraps until you get somewhere else. You sound really responsible and I'm sorry you're going through this. Agree that 'reasonable' notice can differ, and personally I would think that if you gave a week's notice you were being extremely generous. The way she's treated your dog has to be a breach of contract so I think she's forfitted any right to notice - a few days would suffice, I think

Cakingbad · 16/02/2017 16:45

Good luck finding another place. As long as your dog is locked safely in your room when you are out, he will be fine. Well done for telling her not to touch him. Take care of yourself too.

RedAndYellowStripe · 16/02/2017 16:46

I can only agree with PP.
She is hitting your dog on purpose and hurting him. You are not imagining things.

Good for you to ask so that you are sure you are not overreacting. This means that even though you are not sure f yourself you are still caring for that dog and are taking all the right steps to protect him (and you).
I hope you can find another LL quickly.

Oh and dont worry about leaving. She is breaching 'the code of good conduct' as a LL so I cant see why you should be giving her a lot of notice. esp as you seem to think she would have no hesitation to throw out in the street if you rock the boa a bit too much.

Hissy · 16/02/2017 16:56

Get yourself sorted with a new place and just move.

You owe this woman NOTHING!

Let her sort out a new lodger in her own time

I also worry that if you give her notice, she may take it out on the dog.

Norland · 16/02/2017 16:58

Your landlady sounds just like your friend's landlady in the other thread you started OP.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2823491-To-think-that-my-friends-landlady-is-taking-the-piss

What a bizarre coincidence and amazingly unlucky both you and your friend ended up with landladies with sick dogs.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 16/02/2017 17:03

OP,

I don't much like dogs. And I especially don't like it when they try to climb on me bang their heads into me. I try to gently push them away or keep putting my foot in their way until they get the hint. I don't generally shove them, (though sometimes it gets sore tempting to give them a jolly good shove out the way).

But from a dogs perspective it is different. This was explained to me by someone who trains dogs.

The dog is used to you fussing it and it being the centre of all attention especially from the funny dogs on two legs (humans). From your behaviour as its owner (lead dog in its pack) where you clearly love it a lot, it thinks it has established it's place in the pack and it is entitled to push itself up against any human (funny dog on two legs). It therefore thinks it can snuggle up against your LL at will. Your dog gets confused when a human dog doesn't behave as you (the leader in its pack) behave. It therefore tried to establish its position by repeating its behaviour towards you.

As lead animal in its pack you have to choose where its position lies. You either teach it to be subservient to all other humans at your command or you move the pack to somewhere where there is no conflict. Alternatively you need to explain to your LL how your dog sees her in the hope she will accommodate your woof.

Original poster
user1483971196 · 16/02/2017 17:27

Thank you everyone for your advice and kind words. It is all very helpful and I am reading every post and taking it all on board. I'm waiting to hear back from the other landlord.
Norland my sister also uses this account as I am still logged on on the home computer. I didn't know she had posted that but it looks like she was trying to help.
Itisnoteasybeingdifferent I think there is a difference between what you're saying and what is happening here.

OP posts:
NC1nightstand · 16/02/2017 17:39

Can I just say OP, that you have been very unlucky to come out of one intolerable living situation into another one (although I appreciate that the first one was much worse than this awful LL weirdo) but that is all it is.
You haven't done anything to create this and you deserve a happy, safe, warm living space for you and da doggy! I know you already know this but sometimes it can feel that because we go from the frying pan into the fire (or the other way, can't remember ) it has something to do with us. But you are fine and this LL is going to upset anyone who comes and lives in her house. Good luck!

Casschops · 16/02/2017 18:49

Your dog is a beautiful little soul who places his faith in the fact that people will be good to him. He retire in you to protect him. Get out ASAP is it possible to send your dog to day care when you aren't there she is abusive and nasty. I'm not a violent person but she could draw me to it🐕

Trifleorbust · 16/02/2017 19:49

I'm going to say first that I absolutely love animals and I hate people who hurt them - they are completely defenceless and do not understand cruel or aggressive behaviour. BUT dogs get along well enough with a bit of shoving and abruptness. I know lots of people with good sized dogs who are quite happy to be shoved out of the way and nudged with feet and so on. I can't say I agree that it sounds like she is hurting him deliberately, or he wouldn't be inclined to go to her and sit on her feet with what you describe as affection. She may well not like him and that is more than enough reason to look for another living situation, but I don't think I would worry too much about her hurting him.

Screwinthetuna · 16/02/2017 19:53

I don't know what LL means but this person sounds horrible and you are right to be worried Sad

BestZebbie · 16/02/2017 22:05

In general, all the other good advice about moving on is very sound. This place does not seem a good fit for you.

In the short-term, can you tell your dog to lie only next to you, and not press on your LL/get where she can reach him easily? I also think that might help if she is acting that way partly because of the recent loss of her own dog.