Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not open a visiting friend's food gift?

27 replies

OfstedAintEverything · 15/02/2017 14:44

Friend comes for a cup of tea (her DC are playing with mine). Brings a lovely box of chocolates with her. We have a cup of tea.
Friend then leaves (this was the pre arrangement, not a dump) and I feed her DC with mine, mum is coming back later to pick up.

Was it rude of me not to open the chocs?

would it be rude of me if I DID open the chocs so she can see we're eating them at pickup?

Am I BU not to routinely take over chocs/biccies when I go to other folks houses for a playdate: I do sometimes, but not automaticlly!...

Is this a "thing" nowadays?

Help!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
OfstedAintEverything · 15/02/2017 14:45

To clarify: I did not feed my DC to her DC!!!

OP posts:
Screwinthetuna · 15/02/2017 14:47

No, surely they're a thankyou for having her child over?
If it was a box of cakes, I'd have offered her one with her drink

TheWitTank · 15/02/2017 14:49

I would have opened them personally. I always offer around a food gift like cake or sweets. I think it seems a bit rude otherwise.

0hCrepe · 15/02/2017 14:49

I would've opened them because I'm greedy and I would've hoped they'd been opened if I'd provided them but also wouldn't have minded if they hadn't. Just open them when you feel like it! I sometimes take things but usually not.

Anotherdayanotherscreenname · 15/02/2017 14:52

I don't open them. I think it is rude to expect that I would. I've invited the person over, so I've got the refreshments covered. The food gift is a gift. Not an insurance policy in case my hospitality is crap!

TabithaBethia · 15/02/2017 14:54

I would have opened them without another thought.

downwardfacingdog · 15/02/2017 14:55

I would have opened them and offered one with the cuppa, but not outrageously rude not to. I don't expect or take biscuits when kids go to play with friends.

Original poster
OfstedAintEverything · 15/02/2017 15:21

To be honest, I thanked her, put them on the side, then clean forgot about them!
I'm trying not to snack at the moment so it didn't enter my brain to offer snackage... she's lovely so I know won't say anything but I just noticed them when making lunch for the DC and thought oops!...

I agree that had they been something more fresh like biscuits or cakes I'd have opened them.... oh well, may as well open them now and hope no harm done!

OP posts:
ScarlettFreestone · 15/02/2017 15:25

I routinely take a hostess gift, but lots of people don't.

I don't expect my gift to be opened immediately nor do I always open other people's. Chocolates I'd probably out in the cupboard, cakes (or something else with a short date like strawberries) I might open immediately.

ScarlettFreestone · 15/02/2017 15:25

Sorry - so no I wouldn't have thought you were rude!

bloodymaria · 15/02/2017 15:27

I think you're overthinking! She brought them for you presumably to do with as you wanted. She's unlikely to have given it a second thought, enjoy them at your leisure.

WantingBaby1 · 15/02/2017 15:51

Overthinking this one, in my opinion. You did nothing wrong! With chocs I wouldn't automatically open them - if it was biscuits or something you'd have with a cuppa I might have, and shared them. Seems like it was a thoughtful gesture to say thank you for looking after her DC.

Katy07 · 15/02/2017 15:56

I'd probably have opened them with the cuppa - but that might be more greed on my account than my dazzling (non-existent) grasp of social etiquette. And it would depend on if they were ones I liked. (And if I liked them too much I might not want to share!)

Allthewaves · 15/02/2017 15:58

Way too much over thinking. If I was the mum I wouldn't be bothered either way

Mottlemoth · 15/02/2017 15:59

I don't think it's rude. I was over at a friends house today. I bought a food gift to say thanks for having us over. She didn't open it when I was over and I didn't think anything of it.

Jellybean83 · 15/02/2017 16:04

Hmm biscuits or a cake I would have offered, chocolates however are a personal
thing and I'd see that more of a gift so no
I don't think you had to open and offer any.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 15/02/2017 16:06

Do you routinely overthink things to such a degree?

She brought you chocolates to say thanks for having the kids. She'll expect you to open them, a bonus if you offer her one but not expected.

diddl · 15/02/2017 16:11

I think if she had been staying, maybe-but if she cares she can buy herself some/never leave her child with you again/leave her child with you & nit buy a "thank you" again.

In short-I don't think that it matters & I doubt that she will!

EssentialHummus · 15/02/2017 16:13

Either way is genuinely fine imo.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 15/02/2017 16:22

No I wouldn't give someone a box of chocolates on the expectation that I would be eating some of them. As long as you said Thank you, you're fine!

BertrandRussell · 15/02/2017 16:25

God, I'm so glad my days of being involved in "friends coming round" are over if you are expected to bring chocolates or something every time!

kingpin20 · 15/02/2017 16:35

If I took someone a box of choccies for looking after my dc I wouldn't expect them to open them whilst I was there. I would want them to enjoy pigging out on them in peace when their little one had gone to bed. :)

Cake - a different matter though! Tea and cake should def be served together

skerrywind · 15/02/2017 16:35

I wouldn't open them- wouldn't happen in my circle of friends or family either.
Seems a bit coarse to tear open a gift of chocolates and get wolfed into them.

skerrywind · 15/02/2017 16:37

I agree about cake though- I often go for a business/friend lunch at her home knowing that her OH and close workers will be in the farmhouse having lunch. In that case I usually bring a fresh cake that can be eatenas dessert.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 15/02/2017 16:45

If I expected something to be shared I'd take it with me and offer it around while I was there. I have gone on playdates and taken snacks etc. with me for the children to share, and checked it was OK before hand. The chocolates sound more like a gift and I doubt she would expect you to share them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread