really not like my mates son coming round

[Radley]

Today we had him for an hour and

He teased the kitten
Threaten to poke dd2's eyes ok
Went in kitchen and opened a loaf of bread after we had said no, leaving slices over the floor
Weed in a bowl (which is the sick bowl we keep in the bathroom as dd1 has the sickness bug)
Broken a toy

Bearing in mind this is only what has happened today, if I wrote a list of things in the past such I'd be here all evening.

no not unreasonable.

Forgot to mention bouncing on our new sofa like it's a trampoline.

how old are they?

He's 5 and gets away with everything.

I actually saw him throw half a brick at his mums foot the other day, she JUST moved her foot in time and laughed at him

Tell her unless he can behave then he can't come round. If she thinks that kind of behaviour is acceptable and funny then let her deal with it.

I'm pretty open with dd when she wants a particular friend to come around when previous playdates have been disasters

trouble in the making if his mum just laughs at his behaviour i think

I mean I discourage it and say why

Yuk, yuk, yuk, I finished a friendship (not dramatically, just let it slide) because I found her child's terrorising of dd abhorrent. That child sounds pretty repellent, and the mum sounds like the reason why....

She is constantly being taken to one side because of his behaviour at school

Being Cheeky
Answering back
Pushing other children
Stealing toys etc (i've witnessed him steal in town twice)

Her reply?

"Is his schoolwork ok?"

"Yes Mrs X, he is the brightest child in the class"

"Well in that case, what is the problem, he comes here to learn no do social skills"

Don't get me wrong, she has a heart of gold etc and IS a good friend, though very very unreliable, it's just the lack of discipline with him that gets my back up and I dread him coming round as I know one or both of my daughters will end up crying, the kitten will end up hiding and something will be broken

If I were you I'd let this friendship go, after all you have to look to the interests of your children and pets. It's not fair on anyone. His mother sounds a pretty awful and disinterested one, steer clear!!!

Do you know her well enough to say "actually he does need to learn social skills at school, because he's not getting them at home"?

(No, I wouldn't dare either . But have you ever told him to his face that if he does a, b or c he is going straight home?)

my house my rules - i will be rather more lenient than usual - but pissing in a bowl?

i would shout and my friend could piss off.

How do I go about letting friendships slide, I support her ALOT with health problems etc and i'm the most reliable friend she has got and her parents dote on me.

It's a hard one Radley. Perhaps you could tell her that after today's visit your DD's have been really upset and you feel it's in their best interest if she did'nt bring him round again unless he can behave.

Peeing in a bowl is disgusting! We too ave a sick bowl as the dreaded sick bug visited us. I would be livid at someone peeing into something my DC's have to put there head up close and personal to.

FWIW I also have a friend who's child I hate coming round. I prefer to go to thier house as I know in the past she has drawn on things an blamed it on a naughty fairy. She also sat in DD's room banging toys about and when I aked what was happening she tried to blame DD who was with me, and then asked if my DH was upstairs so she could blame him

I'm also disgusted he weed in it, i text her and asked her to ask him, her reply?

'Yes he has admitted it, does his honesty outweigh his filthiness? Sorry hun'.

Needless to say it's had bleach in it and is now on it's second hot cycle in the dishwasher/

Bizarre parenting on your friends behalf. No boundaries at all.
Could you write her a letter, saying as much as you value her friendship, you have some worries, i don't know really if that is a good idea now.
Really tricky.

She's known as a bit of hardcase/nutter, if I let the friendship slide no problems, if I wrote her a letter or told her - chaos

Sounds like a great gal! (not)

Radley - I would be appalled at his behaviour too and his mums attitude. And I would probably tell her so, tactfully of course!

If he really is the brightest in his class I would wonder whether he has a genuine problem, dunno what. ADHD or something

Radley, it would be easier just to make youself less and less avilable. Perhaps break arrangments made etc. it's not the easiest or nicest thing to have to do. BUt you are right in taking the 'letting things go' stance rather than confronting her. Perhaps she might ask you what is going on at some point and you can chose what you say then. Good luck.

It was also 15 years ago so he could very well be a nice person now hes 20.

Yeah let this friendship die a quiet death. To be honest I couldn’t be friends with such a brazenly crap parent.