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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DD shouldn't be marked absent when she was in the wrong classroom

64 replies

MissingMySleep · 15/02/2017 11:08

I might be wrong, but I noticed an "unauthorised absence" on my daughter's school record, so emailed the school to see what this was.

A few weeks ago she and her friend (they are 11) went to the library at lunchtime, which they are allowed to do. When the bell went, they tried to leave but the supply teacher coming into that room, shouted at them and told them to sit down, as she was convinced they were part of that class. The girls have no idea who this woman is. She would not listen to them when the said they were not part of that class. As year 7s they were not very ocnfident to speak up. After some time she was distracted so they nipped out and ran to their actual lesson.

At this point the pastoral teacher who had been looking for them as they hadn't turned up to registration saw them running to their lesson and throught they were running away from her. She went mad as she had been looking for them and thought they might be missing.

The school hasn't bothered to check with the supply teacher that the girls were telling the truth. They have had had massive negative points (the school uses Go4Schools to give positive and negative points for behaviour) and they were both marked as absent.

I wasn't that bothered about the incident, as I figure I have to leave that to the school, but I did feel sorry for DD, who is very very well behaved at school and always has been.

However I am now annoyed to see an unauthorised absence recorded for a period of time that she was at school, was in their care, and couldn't get to registration due to a numpty supply teacher.

Should I just let it go? Advice gratefully received.

OP posts:
Merlin40 · 15/02/2017 12:03

I'd be more concern s about the negatives and detentions.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/02/2017 12:04

Schools don't drive attendance policy. Government does.

Original poster
MissingMySleep · 15/02/2017 12:05

Sundance you are right

it proably isn't worth the hassle

regretting the email a bit now....

it just seemed a good idea at the time Confused

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 15/02/2017 12:06

Your email wasn't rude OP, so I wouldn't worry about it Smile.

noblegiraffe · 15/02/2017 12:08

I am not impressed that they have not asked the supply teacher what happened.

And how would they do that?
Your DD won't know who the teacher is. The amount of work involved in tracking down who the teacher was would be a pain in the arse. Then if it's a supply teacher and they are not a member of school staff, is the pastoral teacher supposed to phone their home phone to ask them?

BalloonSlayer · 15/02/2017 12:08

Your email is fine, don't worry

SuperRainbows · 15/02/2017 12:17

You did the right thing following this up. The email from the pastoral staff member was snotty.

ilovesooty · 15/02/2017 12:17

The supply teacher might have been new to the school and might not have returned since. I can see why you're concerned but in the wider scheme of things this might well be deemed too trivial to follow up.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 15/02/2017 12:22

Is there a reason why you're so bothered? Has your daughter been punished? Will she be punished?

If not, and you're satisfied with her version of events then just let it go. Or I would have done before you emailed. I don't really understand why you're so wound up by this, or were at least.

Coralfish · 15/02/2017 12:24

I think you have done the right thing by emailing the teacher. Assuming your daughter is telling the truth, there is a much wider issue of your daughter not being listened to by the teacher. I had a similar experience when I was slightly younger and it really demotivated me in my work for that teacher. It would not have seemed trivial to me at that age.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/02/2017 12:25

I'd be more concern s about the negatives and detentions.

Me too tbh.

Trifleorbust · 15/02/2017 12:25

The problem here is that you have accepted your child's version of events but the teachers don't accept them. In the teachers' eyes, it was truancy.

I am going to risk a flaming here but sod it. In my school when a supply teacher is put on a class, it isn't unusual at all for one or two students to 'appear' in the wrong classroom, knowing they wouldn't be recognised. Your DD is asking you to accept a striking number of coincidences: 1) She was in the library at lunch 2) She wasn't allowed to leave by the new teacher (she should have been on her way to lessons before the bell 3) The teacher wouldn't listen to two students raising their hands or politely trying to explain they were in the wrong room so they 'had' to run away 4) their HOY saw them running whilst they were trying to 'escape' the supply teacher but they didn't see her and think to stop and explain.

Quite the shaggy dog story, isn't it?

bumsexatthebingo · 15/02/2017 12:26

If they mark kids as absent and then don't change it to 'late' when they arrive then how do they know who is there in the event of a fire?

Astro55 · 15/02/2017 12:29

I'd be more marked about the punishment! How can they punish when she did as she was told - flagged the issue and was still refused leave??

Why didn't you mention that as well? She effectively took punishment for something she didn't do - yet you are worried about a mark on the register??

Straighten your priorities

noblegiraffe · 15/02/2017 12:30

Kids are supposed to sign in and out of school if they are late or leave early.

SideOfFoot · 15/02/2017 12:32

Your email is fine, I would have followed it up too, different circumstances but my DD was marked for a half day authorised absence, I have no idea why, she was never off or late. i phoned the school and asked them to correct it. You have done the right thing.

Merlin40 · 15/02/2017 12:34

If they mark kids as absent and then don't change it to 'late' when they arrive then how do they know who is there in the event of a fire?
They didn't mark her absent, they marked her late (but unauthorised late -'after the register closed')

Buck3t · 15/02/2017 12:36

You know maybe in the great scheme of things this is not a big deal. But do you know what is a bid deal? Feeling helpless when no-one believes you. Not even your parents. The worst thing about the unfairness that sometimes took place at school, was that my parents (without a doubt) always backed up the school. Even if the action didn't sound at all like me.

There is supporting the school and then there is your child's feelings of self-worth and importance. I know what I'm going to choose each and every day. Personally, if a teacher sends that snotty email to me, I'm sitting on hands stopping myself from sending one back, as she clearly has the wrong end of the stick. I think you have handled it well so far.

bumsexatthebingo · 15/02/2017 12:39

Ahhh! My fault for only reading the op.
I think that's fair enough tbh. If the kids were there long enough for the supply to have asked them to sit down for the lesson she was taking then they would have been late for the lesson they should have been at wouldn't they?

Original poster
MissingMySleep · 15/02/2017 12:48

yes I think the most important thing is that I do believe her

she has never been naughty at school before

she is a small 11 year old in her first year at high school

she is a high achiever

she loves science, the lesson that she was not at

she told me that they got up to leave when the bell went but could not get through the crush of people coming through the door

this sounds reasonable to me

I think that the posters have given good advise and I will just drop it

and the mark is unauthorised absent not late, so that is a good point re fire safety

OP posts:
Original poster
MissingMySleep · 15/02/2017 12:48

and going to the library at lunchtime is something that they are allowed to do

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 15/02/2017 12:59

their HOY saw them running whilst they were trying to 'escape' the supply teacher but they didn't see her and think to stop and explain.

I've just picked this quote at random as there were so many corkers in this thread - are you all on glue?! Why in gods name should this family accept detention etc because the supply teacher made a stupid mistake? These kids are 11 - why should it be up to them to constantly try to challenge rude and confrontational adults? That's your job OP and your e-mail is the least you should be doing.

Are you seriously telling me that if this happened to you as an adult you would accept it? So why would anyone sit back and allow it to happen to their kids? But one thing I do agree with you on is that its not a big deal, in that the school can simply apologise,put the record straight and move on. Your poor DD.

bumsexatthebingo · 15/02/2017 13:00

So a crush of people had manged to get to the library for their lesson from elsewhere in the school before your dd could even leave the room? They all entered seconds after the bell???
She couldn't get through because people were coming in who were attending there lesson on time. She was therefore already late for her lesson.
You are doing her no favours arguing the toss here.

Trifleorbust · 15/02/2017 13:10

BurningBridges:

She doesn't have to. But in my humble opinion, that story has 'massaged' stamped all over it.

BurningBridges · 15/02/2017 13:33

Why are kids always lying? Reasonable and I presume usually kind people on MN seem to automatically think if a child is saying an adult did something wrong they must be lying? Do you (not you personally Trifle I mean everyone and anyone) not see the implications of that attitude?

It sounds entirely plausible to me, based on what I've seen working in schools.