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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect an orgasm on V day at least?!

43 replies

AudreyTwo · 15/02/2017 00:30

My husband is possibly the most selfish lover ever. Over the nine years we've been together we've had three kids and so have had to make do with quickies mostly. However our youngest is now two and sleeps through the night most of the time so I had asked for a nice massage hoping this would lead onto some foreplay and an orgasm for me before he did his few minutes of thrusting and achieved his objective. Somehow this turned into him getting a blowjob (I assumed the favour would be returned!) and then finishing the job! Now he's turned over and is playing on his phone while I am fuming. AIBU to expect him to indulge me every now and then??

OP posts:

Original poster

AudreyTwo · 15/02/2017 01:00

Steff that's an idea!!! Haha!! I think he's generally a bit naive about women and the pleasure they get out of intercourse and like a few other Mediterranean men is used to getting all the pleasure without having to worry about the woman!
As I've said it doesn't help that we've had mostly quickies when the kids were little...perhaps we both need to just re-learn it!

OP posts:

Original poster

AudreyTwo · 15/02/2017 01:02

Billy good idea. Anything is worth a try and that seems like a good way to go about it.

OP posts:

EatSpamAmandaLamb · 15/02/2017 01:06

Why are you having sex with him every day if he is a selfish lover?
You need to be frank about it or you are condemned to a life time of crap sex.
I would lay there and say "I get really turned on by giving you an orgasm, I enjoy taking the time to do that. Is there a reason you don't enjoy making me orgasm because I'm finding it difficult to want to continue having sex with such frequency if it is all one sided."

BillyButtfuck · 15/02/2017 01:08

Or next time he tries instigating sex just say 'you had all the fun last time so how about tonight you just take care of me'

I don't know what might help because I don't know him but you do.
Communication is key.

Good luck x

steff13 · 15/02/2017 01:12

Well here I am thinking Mediterranean men are all hot-blooded and passionate!

It's difficult to imagine after 9 years that he genuinely doesn't know any better.

Original poster

AudreyTwo · 15/02/2017 01:13

Thank you :)
Now I realise how one sided it really is I will definitely make him aware that we need to make a change x

OP posts:

Somerville · 15/02/2017 01:16

Yes, try suggesting that for the next 9 years it's all about you!

Seriously though, it's okay to make time in your lives for your pleasure too. not just his.

Original poster

AudreyTwo · 15/02/2017 01:18

Thank you Somerville I think I really needed to hear that.

OP posts:

peaceout · 15/02/2017 01:28

just be blunt, tell him that unless he makes it worth your while you cant be bothered to do it any more

RockyBird · 15/02/2017 01:28

What are his good points?

steff13 · 15/02/2017 01:31

I had heard some men were like this but didn't actually believe it

Same. I haven't been with tons of men, but every one I've ever been with has genuinely enjoyed giving me pleasure, and that's how it should be on both sides.

I hope you figure it out, AudreyTwo (LOVE btw - my daughter and I were singing Suddenly Seymour earlier today).

JungleInTheRumble · 15/02/2017 01:56

YADNBU. Sex should be enjoyable for both of you. The best way I found is to 69 until I cum and then we switch to regular sex and he gets his turn or we 69 then switch and cum together (but to do that I really need the foreplay/69 cause I take longer than him and I don't like to keep going after he's finished).

user1484539497 · 15/02/2017 02:05

He does this nearly every day? I wouldn't be having sex with him!

AcrossthePond55 · 15/02/2017 02:09

Mediterranean eh? Doesn't really surprise me. The worst lay I ever had was an Italian, for just the same reason as you describe (selfishness).

He was truly wonderful at Romance, just lousy in bed. It didn't last long!

OneWithTheForce · 15/02/2017 02:10

Why on earth would you have sex even a second time (let alone marry the fucker!) with someone who has no interest in your pleasure? don't you know what sex is for??

EmeraldScorn · 15/02/2017 03:38

An ex of mine from when I was about 24 was very very very selfish in bed. We did not live together but over the 2 years that we were dating we would typically see each other 3 to 4 times a week where sex was always on the menu.

It was extremely one sided sex though, it was all about him and I can honestly say that there was not an occasion when I did not have to "sort myself out", literally every single time I had to pleasure myself because he was "finished".

He had everything he liked "in bed" which was mostly blow jobs (He was obsessed) and anal, I never refused him anything sexually but I got little in return and so it got to the point where I was bored as fuck "in bed" with him, it was laborious and it made me feel very unwanted (I was young and wanted to feel wanted).

He was only interested in himself and I really started to resent him, so much so that I was close to cheating on him.... I detest cheats and yet there I was contemplating sleeping with someone I knew and really fancied but thankfully I "grew a pair" instead and dumped the selfish prick.

To the original poster I understand your frustration, it isn't nice being desperate to cum and having to rely on yourself to do the job constantly!

jamaisjedors · 21/03/2017 17:55

So, did you talk to him Audrey?
(I have a bit of a vested interest in knowing how it went .

Blossomdeary · 21/03/2017 18:03

This blows my mind - in my entire long life I have never once had sex that was not pleasurable to me as well as my OH. Not once. What can this idiot be thinking about?

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