To think he should contribute to childcare

[spaceyface89]

My ex-partner broke up with me just after Christmas. We have an eight month old DS. I went back to work in January and my DS is full time with my parents until May when he'll go to nursery. Ex earns 40k and has checked CMS which says he should pay 300 monthly. This is fine for now, but when my DS starts childcare, the costs will go up considerably. He refuses to pay any more than the CMS amount. AIBU unreasonable to think that maintenance and childcare are separate?

Ex moved into a his mate's spare room paying minimum rent, whereas I've had to find a two bed flat which has doubled the outgoings in rent / council tax / bills when we lived together. In my mind, that 300 he pays helps to compensate for this added cost, plus food, clothes etc, and shouldn't include childcare

Morally £300 is a paltry amount and doesn't cover anywhere near half of what it will cost you to look after your DS. Legally though he can trot off and spend all his money on luxury holidays while you're struggling to buy necessities for your son. Definitely look into tax credits.

If he's on 40k a year, depending on his pension contributions, he should be paying you more like £400 a month. Double check his calculations.

ClopySow - I agree, I think the idea that it's only 15% of wages that a parent spends on their child to be ridiculous

I think it needs to be so widely publicised, I think that women need to realise that having children with men is so financially risky for them (as well as all the other risks)

It sucks, but most people end up having to take a considerable reduction in living standards when a relationship breaks up.

Again, it sucks but unless there's 50/50 split then it's never going to be an "equal" split in the cost of raising the children due to disparity in incomes and outgoings etc.

It will come as cold comfort but many, many people get a lot less in terms of maintenance. I know I'd give right arm for that much from my kids deadbeat mum, but she just lives off of benefits and begs me to hand over the child benefit and tax credits so she can have more state handouts...

He sounds like a prince. I'm sure he'll continue to pay the minimum, get used to the idea I guess?

It stinks. I get fuck all from my ex. Haven't done for 10 years as he is a lazy, useless layabout.

However. When your dc is older they will understand. Dd is now 12 and is much closer to my dp who she has chosen to call dad. She still see her own dad eow. But we are the ones who have raised her to be the amazing girl she is.

The fact that her father doesn't contribute financially stinks. But now she understands that it stinks. It used to bother me but I decided that he had caused me enough grief and stress over the years and said to myself I wouldn't let it affect my life negatively any more.

It's the only thing you can do. He won't pay more than the minimum. Accept that and plan accordingly. But I would be tempted to involve the CSA or whatever they are called purely to annoy him. Plus I think he pays a small collection fee each month too. Which would please me immensely.

Plus I think he pays a small collection fee each month too. Which would please me immensely.

So would you .

When and how does he see his child if he is sharing a flat with someone else?

Now that you are separated, he is looking after himself only. And he won't buldge abut giving you more because he will see that money being money he has to pay YOU rather than money for his DC.
Having said, from what you said, he was already looking after himself when yu were together anyway so not a lot of change there :(

Is £300 really all someone on £40k a year is obligated to contribute to their child? That seems very low to me. I guess if care is shared it might make some sense but it's still only a tenner a day.

Out of interest is he able to take actual responsibility for some of the childcare himself? Could you arrange custody so at 1-2 weekdays are his responsibility?

Go for shared care - ex Sun/Mon/Tue and you Wed/Thur/Fri/Sat. You still get CB and WTC CTC etc. He will only pay a tiny bit of maintanance as he is having them nearly 4/7ths of the time. But he also has to cover 2/5 days child care AND you get a weekend day with you LO and a weekend day to relax.

Thanks for support. I will split custody more equally once DS is older but he is fairly unsettled due to moving house etc and I think consistency is better at this stage. Ex has never looked after him through the night and I have concerns he wouldn't know how to settle him, plus he's breastfeeding through the night since I've gone back to work.