To be such a misery.

[bingisthebest]

I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't seem to enjoy my kids. And I'm just so generally miserable, snappy and feel like a crap mum.
I have 3 dcs 2,6 and 7. All very much wanted and I don't doubt my love for them. They do bring me joy. But. But. There it is all the time. Don't think I'm depressed. Felt bit depressed last year and had cbt for health anxiety. Which is generally better. But each day feels so hard. I just can't seem to enjoy my life.

I'm not a HCP but I do have extensive personal experience of depression and the it sounds like you could be depressed. Feel like there's nothing wrong as such but nothing right either? Just can't seem to find any joy in things you know should be making you happy. I get it and I think you should have a chat with your GP.

How much time do you get to yourself OP? I'm guessing not much, I feel like this sometimes too. Usually when I'm too busy for too long xx

Are you getting enough sleep? I'm not a professional, so I'm not going to diagnose you, but if you are getting plenty of rest, some time for yourself, some treats built into your week (nothing big, but a quite cuppa/half an hour on the phone to mate or your mum, etc) and you're still not able to enjoy life, then I would suggest a visit to your GP?

Good luck. Have some

The first symptom I had of the terrible depression that knocked me flat was standing on the balcony of our then home, looking out over the fabulous peaceful view and realising that I felt nothing - zilch. No lift of the heart.

I think you would benefit from seeking some help. I do hope that you feel better soon.

It's hard being a Mum.
You know you see everyone posting on social media about their great lives and how they love being a mum and their kids are amazing... it's probably a big case of fake it till you feel it.
Being a mum, the lows are low and often, and the highs are so much higher yet nowhere near as frequent.

Also OP, you really have to have something for you too. Because you CANNOT pour from an empty cup. At all.
Something, anything at all.

Most mums feel like this at times, sometimes for massive chunks of time. The only way up is to take time for yourself too x

Consider moving this to chat it just won't get enough traffic in aibu because it's not inflammatory enough

Thank you for your comments. I don't know how to move to chat??
I don't have any time to myself except working 2 days a week, which I enjoy. I will have a few hours when youngest starts preschool after half term. I get that. But I don't have energy for anything else. I give everything to my kids I guess but I'm a shitter mum for it I think.

Stop then OP. Get 'selfish'
You don't have to give EVERYTHING to your kids, you need to keep something you.
And you need to put yourself first. Always.

It's not actually selfish.

Mommiemommom. Thankyou. I think your right. Just got old habits. Need to make a change I guess.

Yes, what Mommie said.

It's important to carve out a little time for ourselves, whether that's a class, a walk, lunch with a friend or whatever. It's about your mental health - you can't expend all your physical and mental energy on others without it taking its toll on you. I think you'll find that you being happy positively impacts the dc too.

Oh and you may well be depressed. I spent years thinking I couldn't be because I couldn't put my finger on a particular thing to cause it but I felt constantly flat, lacking energy and enthusiasm and basically just getting through the days. Might be worth talking to GP?