To judge this mother

[Hrre]

My mum has just told me something about my cousin and her daughter and I'm fuming. People will say it's none of my business but how can this woman call herself a mother?

My cousin is mid 30s and has a 15 year old daughter. The daughter has severe bulimia and had to see a therapist twice a week. My cousin won't take her "in case she gets blamed" so makes her step brother take her instead.

How can anyone in that situation make it about them? Why not put your daughter first? I cannot believe it.

Are you saying that the stepbrother goes into the therapist with the daughter ? or is it just a case of the stepbrother transporting the daughter there and back ?
It is highly personal seeing a counseller or therapist and unless it is designated as family therapy , I would imagine that the daughter benefits from the time she can say exactly what she wants to say , without the hinderance of upsetting other people in her life , like her Mother .

I wonder why she feels she may be blamed for it .... after all it sounds like she comes from a very loving and non-judgemental family!

And maybe your cousin is feeling she will be blamed i bet many parents whos kids have MH issues feel guilty about something I know i did when 1 of mine went to cahms it was all what ifs... least these kids are being seen not all kids with mh problems get seen by anybody. I think a supportive cousin would be better than a judgemental one but i guess you and your mother feel superior

I bet gossipy relatives really help her situation...

You have no right to judge her.

What a horrible mother. She should be fed to hungry sharks. Shame on her. For not driving her daughter and waiting in the waiting room like a good mother should. Bloody cheek of her to have another trusted family member take her. It beggars belief. I cannot believe it...

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones....I do hope you've never done a single thing wrong in parenting....ever ....not once ....never raised your voice ? Never fed them a single calorie out of place? Because then and only then do you get to judge

Actually you can't even answer yes to above....because you've been petty and nasty and gossipy......so there we go she by your standards has as much right to judge you

Enjoy that won't you?

Maybe it causes unnecessary friction between the mother and daughter and she has backed off to allow the girl some space. Sometimes it does no good for teens to have their mum breathing down their neck especially if the issues brought up in therapy are about family dynamics etc Being a good mother means different things at different ages and at different times.

dear lord you are a judgy, meddlesome, noxious, critical person aren't you.

Why not keep your beak to yourself ?

Does it matter who takes her as long as she is attending and getting help?

Maybe the daughter wants to talk about private things which are difficult to address and isn't ready to go straight into a nuclear family situation afterwards? The daughter may well be the one feeling uncomfortable. Therapy leaves you quite vulnerable and having to then go straight to the person you will spend the rest of the week with is a bit intense. Maybe it gives her some time to compose her thoughts before seeing her mum. They will have a different dynamic, maybe she likes the mum's questions as it shows she cares but immediately afterwards prefers the company of a more reticent stepbrother for eg.

What a nasty judgemental thing to say "how can this woman call herself a mother" she probably does blame herself a bit to worry about being blamed. She probably goes over every single thing she has said about food and healthy eating to her DD worrying "did this contribute to her eating disorder?"

She must be very scared for her daughter and is making sure she gets help so stop judging. You sound bloody awful, stop gossiping about them both.

I'm judging you quite a lot at the moment OP

I doubt the op will be back, she certainly didn't "judge" the response on here accurately 😁.

If she does reappear I predict a lot of exaggeration and drip feedery to support her stance.

Maybe the patient, the person the therapy is about, wants her stepbrother with her? He sounds like he cares about her to do this. Lord hope all the snide gossip doesn't get back to the family's ears.

I thought you were going to say she prevents her daughter from going. I don't see the problem but can understand her concern about people being judgmental if this is how you speak about her

How is this any of your (or your mother's) business? Who made you judge and jury.

Maybe her mum is subconsciously trying to block her mind to it. Maybe she's consumed with guilt, and I can understand her fear of being judged, after all. That's what you're doing

You're fuming and judging and frothing at the mouth because a child in need of help is getting help,but she's not taxied there and back by the person YOU think should take her?
Honestly,get a fucking life.

The girl is getting treatment, so what exactly is the issue? OP is right, it is none of her business and I don't really understand what the judging is for. Has the OP considered ways of offering support, rather than getting on her ill informed moral high horse?

I think people are being harsh on the OP. If it's the girl's choice not to have her mother take her then ok, but the OP says it's because the mother doesn't want to be blamed.

I've had treatment for bulimia and even though my mum is lovely I have never told her - I am too desperately ashamed. Had I told her and she had said she would prefer someone else to take me because of how it might make her look - which is what is said in the OP, that mother worried about being blamed - I would have been devastated.

Of course we don't know the full story but I'm basing on the info in the OP.

Why would driving her to an appointment make her more likey to be blamed? I think your mother's gossip isn't the most reliable so probably hold off with the judgement for a bit. Probably won't help your cousin's daughter much anyway

With such judgy relatives I can't imagine the mother wanting to admit it if actually the daughter didn't want her to take her.

The daughter is getting to therapy. It doesn't matter who takes her or why. What matters is she's getting the help she needs.

You and your mother are nasty gossiping bitches. Stay out of other people's private business.