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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teacher called dd thick and stupid

49 replies

stopdrawingonyourhands · 14/02/2017 18:27

Long story

DD has sen but is well behaved and really tries.

At her old school her learning difficulties were appallingly supported and she was badly bullied including being called thick and stupid to a point she started saying it about herself. She was really suffering from low self esteem and school refusal and we saw the GP.

Fast forward to new school, she is much happier and finally had friends and the senco is fab.

Anyway she has come home today upset because the teacher has allegedly shouted at her that she is thick and stupid. I will of course clarify what was said but dd is usually pretty accurate.

From what dd has said the teacher thought wrongly dd had written her name on a work sheet she had been told not to and the teacher allegedly shouted that if dd thought she (the teacher) was going to let her mess it up then she was thick and stupid.

Obviously she wasn't to know of the previous issues but is it ok regardless of that to say to an sen student.

Do I leave it or say something?

OP posts:

hackneyandbow · 14/02/2017 19:57

Seems very unlikely

frumpet · 14/02/2017 19:59

User1475 come on that's fine if people start having a period dead on 8am every time , but I am sure I am not alone in being that person who's period started at anytime of the day or night in the early days and remeber the awful feeling when you realised that it decided to start mid class!

BaconMaker · 14/02/2017 20:02

Bloody hell user1475 even as an adult I get caught by surprise - unless i permanently wear a pad I need to rush off to the toilet sometimes. I'd be mightily annoyed if someone told me I had to just sit in my own blood for an hour!

MaisyPops · 14/02/2017 20:06

I'll be honest i dont think I've ever called a child thick or stupid in the 10 years ive worked with kids. Its simply not a teachery thing to say.

On the toilet front, again generally lessons are an hour so my answer is almost always no to toilet requests but you can generally tell when its a girl who thinks shes started her period (thry have a knowing look thry give you). Even if a teacher had missed that, i find it very difficult to believe a teacher wouldnt notice a child 'soaked' through having started her period.

It all sounds a littlw dramatic to me.

Rixera · 14/02/2017 20:06

I went to a shit school but have actually had both things happen (was told off for bleeding on a computer room chair as they were blue so it showed up vividly...)
The teacher who called a girl stupid was sacked though. She did have issues and regularly threw stationery at students.

So not unrealistic. Definitely speak to the school.

Dinnerout1 · 14/02/2017 20:10

I had a teacher that said to me once that I wasn't going to amount to anything and probably have a dead end job. Not only was I being bullied at school by kids the teachers were doing it as well! Anyway I showed them all and I'm a very successful fashion/interior designer.

Trifleorbust · 14/02/2017 20:16

Our school policy on using the toilet during lesson time is strict: not allowed. I can't let them even if I want to, so it is entirely the student's responsibility to go during break time.

bumsexatthebingo · 14/02/2017 20:19

The teacher will, of course, deny that was what was said. I would personally want to hear what any other witnesses, particularly other adults if there were any, in the class have to say. I have worked in schools and I have seen a supply teacher scream in the face of a child with SEN and another child with ASD called a 'crybaby' by the head teacher! So I'm not of the opinion that this is something that could never happen.

AssassinatedBeauty · 14/02/2017 20:19

Trifle what would you do if a girl came to you already bleeding through her clothes to ask to go to the toilet and clean up? Just say no and make her sit there for the rest of the lesson?

BadKnee · 14/02/2017 20:26

Since the words mean similar things it does not sound likely that they were used. Teachers usually have more sense than to shout out something like that to a pupil.

Check it out.

user1484226561 · 14/02/2017 20:27

I don't think it is likely that the teacher hit on exactly the same words that DD complained about in the past.

Trifleorbust · 14/02/2017 20:27

AssassinatedBeauty: It's not my policy. I would send her to her HOY.

AssassinatedBeauty · 14/02/2017 20:36

I'm not blaming you for the policy Trifle but it just seems unnecessary callous towards girls who will be getting to grips with dealing with periods and may not yet have predictable cycles. Sending them to the HOY seems like it would add to the humiliation. Would the HOY tell them off for needing the toilet during the lesson?

FannyFacial · 14/02/2017 20:41

Just curious Trifle what is the policy for teachers needing the toilet during lessons?

AssassinatedBeauty · 14/02/2017 20:43

From my experience, teachers don't go to the toilet during lesson time.

user1484226561 · 14/02/2017 20:45

Just curious Trifle what is the policy for teachers needing the toilet during lessons?

obviously they can't go. And if they are on break duty they cannot go then either. it can easily be 4 hours between opportunities to go to the toilet for teacher, on a normal day. If you have lunch time lessons or meetings as well, it can be 7 hours.

I've gone at the last possible second before assembly and stuffed two maximum size tampons in and worn a maternity sanitary towel as well some days.

user1484226561 · 14/02/2017 20:46

There is normally a red card system or something, if you need to call another member of staff to the class room as an emergency, for example, a child throwing furniture, etc. They have also been used when teachers are in danger of bleeding through their clothes.

Trifleorbust · 14/02/2017 20:47

FannyFacial: There isn't one. But nor is there a specific policy for the length of my skirt, whether I can wear nail polish/jewellery, or whether I am allowed out at lunch time. I am an adult professional and I can be trusted to make these decisions for myself, within the parameters of 'professionalism'.

Trifleorbust · 14/02/2017 20:47

AssassinatedBeauty: I suppose that depends on the HOY. I stick with the policy because otherwise my job becomes a lot harder.

FannyFacial · 14/02/2017 21:26

Thanks user. I never knew you needed pelvic muscles of steal to teach. Thankyou for covering your uniform policy too Trifle

AssassinatedBeauty · 14/02/2017 21:45

Thankfully I've left teaching so I no longer have to wrangle with this kind of toilet nonsense. I used to use my judgement and discretion to allow girls out to the toilet in my lesson, even though officially students weren't supposed to ask to go.

OP I hope you get a decent explanation from the teacher and your DD feels ok going back to school.

Trifleorbust · 14/02/2017 22:05

AssassinatedBeauty: I would love to use my judgement and discretion too. I'm not scared of being pulled up by SMT or anything like that - I am not a wimp. The reason I follow the policy to the letter is that I work in a school where some students think they are peers of the staff and will argue the toss with you when 'using your discretion' doesn't mean saying yes. CBA with that so I just say no. Makes my life simpler and means other children can get some learning done.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 14/02/2017 22:05

It is most likely that it's a paraphrasing incident.

Students going to the toilets is a pain. I always try to delay allowing someone to go as once permission is granted, it seems to be contagious. You can usually tell when someone really needs to go. Blanket bans are wrong. I started my first ever period midway through a PE lesson- gymnastics in a games skirt and gym knickers. I couldn't have anticipated that one! (Not that I've been able to anticipate many due to a rather irregular cycle)

Original poster

stopdrawingonyourhands · 15/02/2017 07:49

Thanks all,
As I said I'm going to go at it from a dd came home really upset was she ok in lesson.

I did wonder If they were messing about and teacher has lost it with them. It is very very unlike dd to mess in classes BUT she has got friends for the first time and because it is a mixed age class some of these kids are almost two years age difference to dd so its quite possible she's gained a bit of confidence from them and has been messing but I have been told how good she is repeatedly. If she has been messing she's in bother!

I'm also wondering if the teacher has said 'you must think I'm stupid ' or such and dd has mistook what she said, she does fly off the handle easily emotionally.

The period thing I know for definite happened. It also happened to me at school.

OP posts:

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