to think my neighbour is stalking me?

[annazr]

I've wanted to post this for a while but my DH says I'm just being a bit paranoid so I put it off.

The woman who lives opposite me is about 55ish. She seemed like a lovely lady and we've known her since the day we moved into our home (2 and a half years ago). I'm quite a private person so I got a shock one day to she her and her granddaughter walking past one of my windows and then peeking in the open window of my bedroom! I obviously went to the door and asked her if she was ok and she said she thought I left my window open and went off.

Fast forward to now and there has been numerous incidences since. She calls over once a week unannounced, knock on all our doors and look in our windows until I answer (although I managed to cut this in the bud a while ago as I told her if the blind is shut in the living room, toddler is asleep). She makes me feel guilty when she comes in if I wasn't home during her last visit and I'm just so confused by it. We have never discussed that she calls weekly but it seems she's came to this arrangement by herself.

I'm dreading summer as she calls even more frequently to tell me I should be bringing DS out walking in the nice weather, or to ask me why my washing isn't hanging on the line! I work part time at home and I'm quiet busy around then too. She knows this but I get a sense she feels the need to check up on me for some reason. I'm on maternity leave now and I'm feeling a bit tense as I'm waiting to find out if I'm having an elective section. I'm not long home from shopping and as I was parked up in my drive and bringing in a few bags, you can imagine the fright I got when I turn around and she's literally right behind me!! I'm probably being over emotional but the fright made me want to cry. I don't even understand how she made it over so fast.

I apologise for this being so long and probably not even making sense but I feel as if she's constantly watching me (her house is at the opposite side and overlooking mine). There's even more examples and I swear I'm not being paranoid but I just need to find away to give her the hint without telling her to pissoff! The things she says and does are really forward and overbearing but she says them in a nice way so I'm at a loss what to do!

She is intercepting your mail,which is an offence!

And she strangely knows things about me that I never told her!

but that she might know if she had been opening and reading your mail?

Poor you OP, I know how horrible this is and I like my own space. I think it's that they don't understand boundaries and have so little going on in their life they become over invested in yours. You can ether tell her to stop quite firmly or move. I moved!

More than acceptable to tell her (not ask her) to stop looking in your windows and leave your damned post alone! She's very far out of line and it's not cultural, so don't be shy about putting your foot down!

when she peers through the windows you need to jump up in a clowns mask....BOOOO!!!!

Get some t shirts printed with pictures of Noseybonk (you have to be a child of the 80s!). Hang those on the line!

I'm sure we can come up with many more suggestions!

Get yourself a gimp suit and dance around in it the next time she looks in the window.

ExitStage: Hahaha! Brilliant!

Seriously though, this woman sounds a bloody nightmare. And, OP, if she had freaked me out like that on the driveway, she would have got both barrels there and then.

You really do need to be firm and very direct now as she clearly does not take hints. And as for the mail thing, it is bizarre and illegal. What a weird woman!

Tell her you need to see the postman everyday so as he can whip you whilst you're in the gimp suit mentioned above.

You mentioned her granddaughter, so presumably she is connected to her family and not completely isolated, not that that would excuse her behaviour but it would make it more understandable. At 55, she's not really elderly either. She should get a new hobby! You need to put your needs first and put your foot down. The last thing that you want is to still be dealing with this stress when you have a new baby. If she visits tell her you're busy and if she keeps it up tell her it isn't convenient. If she offers unsolicited advice have a stock reply like 'we're sorted thanks' and repeat like a broken record. And definitely contact Royal Mail about not delivering your stuff to her house! There's also normally an option when ordering from private companies to include a note for their courier, put that you don't want things left at her house. I really feel for you because I am afraid of confrontation so I know it's really awkward when people overstep your boundaries and you are made to feel like you are being the rude one just by reinforcing them but her behaviour is out of order and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

I am living with this issue too. Except it's not an elderly woman it's a mum and her 2 children, so when I don't answer the door to her she just gets her son to screech my children's names at the top of his lungs directly outside our door
If she is anything like my stalky neighbour she won't get hints,
they're past that point.
I literally get out the car, don't even turn to her and go straight inside. DP thinks I am a bit harsh but I too was on maternity leave and had to nip it in the bud before baby was born as it makes me feel very trapped.
Now I am blunt to the point of rude, when she comes over unannounced I'll say 'sorry we are busy, bye' and shut the door. It is really hard to do at first but you have too for your own sanity.
My neighbour was visiting my house 2-3 times a day at the worst point, we are now down to 2-3 times a week she'll knock/attempt to talk to us whilst we are getting in/out of the car.
I feel your pain I really really do. I hope yours is less persistent than mine, we've actually decided to move next year and a lot of my reason for that is how much she pesters me. Feeling for you (and I)

If you were really daring you could become a (very part-time) naturist and answer the door to her naked - I doubt she'd come back after that, particularly if you also announced that you were 'hoping she'd come over' (cue your best seductive voice)

I feel stress stressed just reading this! No advice as it's not a situation I've been in but just wanted to voice my support and say YANBU!

She is completely nuts and is a stalker. Tell the post office nit to release your post or parcels to anyone again. This is not normal. And you will need to be firm. Don't answer the door and tell her that she needs to stop stalking you or you'll get a restraining order. Last thing you need with a baby on the way.

What she is doing by intercepting your post is COMPLETELY ILLEGAL!! Report her to the Royal Mail. It's a criminal offence. With a bit of luck once she finds you have reported her she will never speak to you again!

I am living with this issue too. Except it's not an elderly woman
FFS how is a 55 year old woman "elderly"?

She seems lonely to me but I can see how it would be irritating. Probably just best to tell her that you're busy.

You need to be a lot firmer.

It's entirely possible to be assertive and still be polite. Firm tone, big smile and don't give in.

Do not let her in the house:

"It's not a good time. I'm busy"
"I'm working now"
"I'm resting now, I need quiet"
"I need some privacy"

Do not stand and chat. If she turns up in the driveway:

"nice to see you, must get on now"
"No thanks we don't need any help"

And as per pp's the post thing is really really not on. Next time she does it say "a friend told me this wasn't allowed. I don't want you to get in trouble so please don't do it again".

If she does it again - report her.

Post is private it is only meant to be delivered to your house, by the postman, not by clerks.

Please report her with regards the interception of your post. If she has been doing this for some time (with previous or other neighbours) then she may have become quite adept at tampering with mail and opening it undetected.

Op I feel your pain. I have the same/similar problem and it is getting annoying/creepy, we have lived here just over 2 years. My neighbour is a widow so probably bored. She watches everything, if workmen, parcel deliveries come over she knows, friends etc. She admits to sitting with her curtains slightly open so she can spy on the whole street. Our back garden has a gate and she has come into it and bashed on the bedroom window and kitchen window. I didn't answer. I have a blind for the kitchen window but never put it up am thinking about it, but wouldn't really like to. I have told her not to, her excuse is that the previous lady that lived her used to let her. My husband also caught her yesterday he is much quicker than me delivering the post, it normally comes around noon at 2pm. She did not walk down the path snuck accross the lawn and put it through the door at 2pm, it was a bank statement and we had a different postman that day so maybe he was lost and she offered to take it, it was addressed to our house. On the positive my other neighbour is absolutely fine, I hear her dog bark sometimes and her hoovering, we live in attached bungalows. My husband like yours said I am getting wound up but even he is starting to think it is weird on the plus side totally harmless. Sorry for the rant and best of luck with your new baby.

IAmNotAUserNumber sorry, quite right! I retract the elderly bit!

My stalky neighbour also intercepts our post, seems more common than I realised. Strange, strange people.
OR maybe we're all living on the same street

MrsKnackered Aww, thank you
IAmNot (age 54 3/4)