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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think i am being taken for granted

20 replies

Kittylongpopping · 13/02/2017 23:28

I'm not quite sure what the point of this post will be, other than probably a major whinge but I am just so annoyed with my DP right now.

In a nutshell I am SAHM to a 2 year old DD and 1 year old DS. Very hardwork. Added to this i work from home. My day starts at 6am (sometimes earlier) and once the kids are in bed at 7pm i tidy up/housework then work from say 8/9pm until 11ish but sometimes into the early hours.

It is really getting to me now. My DC are ill (first chicken pox and now bad cold/possibly slapped cheek) but I'm ill too as in think it may even be flu. My body is aching that much i could barely move today or lift my DS/DD. My parents live miles away and i get no help from DP's parents so it's grin and bear it

I've been up every night with them for the last four days. I just couldn't do it anymore this morning and asked my DP to take over for a few hours. His response ? Apparently I am so selfish as he had work later and then kicked off like a fucking child. He let me lie down for an hour then woke me up then he went back to bed to get a sleep before work. Yes he had work, but it was a 6 hour shift, and he only works part time anyway. The money i bring in makes me the breadwinner in all fairness. Not that this matters who earns what but FFS.

This was this morning and i am still raging. I need to calm down before i broach the subject

I feel like i am having the piss taken. AIBU or do i need to chill out ?

OP posts:

Wishforsnow · 13/02/2017 23:31

If you are the breadwinner by doing a few hours in the evening should you not extend your hours and you DH be the SAHD? If not why is he part time?

ApproachingATunnel · 13/02/2017 23:34

He is absolutely taking the piss. 6 hour shifts as opposed to your what, 18 hour shifts? You dont need to 'chill out', he needs to pull his fucking useless weight!

Original poster

Kittylongpopping · 13/02/2017 23:37

He went part time so that he could look after the kids while i work from home but that's gone out of the window. He always has some excuse.

I think i know i need to stop being a soft touch

OP posts:

Astro55 · 13/02/2017 23:38

I would decamp until you feel better - he has no idea how hard it is - he needs to learn

ApproachingATunnel · 13/02/2017 23:42

So he does his 6 hours some 3/4 days a week and the rest of the time does fuck all? He needs reminding why he went part time very loud and very clear. And to be made to get up with kids 3 times a week or so so that you can have a lie in.
Oh this brings back memories of just how shit my dh was when we had our first. And the arguments, and refusal to get up...makes my bloid boil to this day when i think about it

foxyloxy78 · 13/02/2017 23:42

He is absolutely taking the piss and is being incredibly unsupportive. Strong words need to be had.

Original poster

Kittylongpopping · 13/02/2017 23:43

I'm on strike tomorrow !

OP posts:

Original poster

Kittylongpopping · 13/02/2017 23:44

Honestly he is the same, absolute child when i try to get him out of bed

OP posts:

Chloe84 · 13/02/2017 23:47

Tell him to shape up or ship out. I would not be able to look at his smug face.

Cakingbad · 13/02/2017 23:47

Could you do your work on a laptop outside the house during the daytime so he has to look after the kids.

bloodyteenagers · 13/02/2017 23:54

You are feeling like you are being taken for granted because you are. He is taking the piss.
You say you work from home, could you relocate to be with your family and get support from them? If so I would ship out. He's calling you selfish for being ill. If he gave a shot he would be stepping up and looking after you instead of being a pathetic waste of space.

ApproachingATunnel · 14/02/2017 05:55

Just to add... my dh is completely different these days with the second one... calms her down at night,takes both out of the house, lets me lie in and gets up without a moan. But my god what it took to get there... and we are still seeing relate as there's so much residual shit...

ElderDruid · 14/02/2017 05:59

I would feel inclined to say you work part time, my work brings in the money that keeps the roof over our heads, food we eat. We conceived those children together, so childcare day & night is a joint thing. As you're no use to anyone half asleep and unable to function.
Sending some gifts for later
What do you do from home out of curiosity?

jeaux90 · 14/02/2017 06:05

If he doesn't step up can you outsource a bit? Get a part time person in for the kids and a cleaner. Nothing like a bit of outsourcing to make them feel utterly surplus to requirements (which quite frankly he is at the moment, being a single mum like me is way easier than most people think when you don't have an adult child around being a prick)

Would you bring in more money if you could extend the hours in the day?

justilou · 14/02/2017 06:41

Holy crap! I'd be introducing his bits to the handy dandy cheese grater while spelling out a few home truths!

giantpurplepeopleeater · 14/02/2017 06:45

YANBU
You are being masssively taken for granted/ taken advantage of!!

Take your work and go do it out of the house until it's time for 'D'H to go to work. EVERY DAY. Do not let this utterly exhausting situation continue. It will make you ill.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 14/02/2017 08:37

Personally, I wouldn't bother wasting my time with this bloke, I'd get rid and set things up to suit me.

After all, given this bloke's not doing anything anyway, you're effectively a single parent in any case. 🍰🍷

xStefx · 14/02/2017 15:22

Tell him that if he isn't interested in keeping to his part of the bargain then he can go back to work full time. Why should you be the main breadwinner, Main caregiver while the so called "man" does the minimum. I think if my bloke were this lazy then id probably loose respect for him and fall out of love with him eventually . Perhaps tell him that, he isn't exactly stepping up is he.

Original poster

Kittylongpopping · 14/02/2017 17:12

I work in the legal industry. Going back full time wouldn't be an option due to a long commute and childcare costs for two kids (well it is possible but i wouldn't want to!).I'm lucky that i can do the work from home from my laptop mainly so camping out in the local library/cafe might be a good option actually.

I have enabled him i think and let the situation get out of control but no more. I've been told by the doctor today to rest up as i've nasty virus. So that's what i'm going to do for the next few days then i'm instigating some house/family rules

Thanks for all the comments, some of them have made me proper giggle and cheered me up!

OP posts:

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 14/02/2017 17:33

Firstly stop describing yourself as a sham. I do something similar in that I work freelance so do this around the children. However that means you don't get the benefits of either. Full time and somebody else has the kids sham you have the kids but don't have the pressure of work. It's hard.

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