Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Valentine's Day?!

28 replies

BreakfastMuffin · 13/02/2017 22:18

Married with 2 kids, husband has a female work colleague from another office visiting for 2 weeks as working on the same project, he's decided to take her out after work tomorrow (might be other people from the office, too, I don't know). He says it's not Christmas Day and he got me a card. AIBU to feel hurt.

OP posts:
DevelopingDetritus · 13/02/2017 22:20

Yes that's bad. Sorry you're being treated like that.

Chinnygirl · 13/02/2017 22:21

Tell him he can't go because you wanted to take him out to dinner as a surprise but no w you had to tell him.... (make a booking online now)

haveacupoftea · 13/02/2017 22:22

Valentines day is a load of old shit but YANBU thats a bit much.

TheNaze73 · 13/02/2017 22:23

I can see both sides here

UnbornMortificado · 13/02/2017 22:23

Tell him he can't go because you wanted to take him out to dinner as a surprise but no w you had to tell him.... (make a booking online now)

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I'd bolt the door behind him and change the locks personally, that's massively disrespectful and hurtful.

PickAChew · 13/02/2017 22:24

if it's for a meal, he'd be lucky if he can get a table.

RedLemonade · 13/02/2017 22:25

Oh dear yes that's shit. YADNBU.

If DH pulled something like that I would be upset. And I speak as one half of a couple who doesn't really "do" Valentine's Day.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/02/2017 22:25

Yes you are, its just a regular day same as any other, commercialised to make people spend money.
If you need to make a massive deal out of one day of the year to show you love each other, theres something wrong in your relationship.

Riversleep · 13/02/2017 22:27

Does he realise they are going to be surrounded by people's enforced romantic gestures, overpriced stem roses and awkward silences on the least romantic day of the year?

HicDraconis · 13/02/2017 22:30

We don't really do valentine's cards / gifts - but if I suggested to DH that I go out with a work colleague for a meal this evening whether male or female he would be massively hurt. In fact I wouldn't suggest it because I would think it shrieks a lack of respect.

As it is we've got our usual evening karate class and then my cousin over for dinner 🙂

YANBU at all to feel hurt. It's traditionally a day associated with loved ones whether you celebrate it or not, others do. Going out for a meal on a day traditionally associated with lovers with someone who isn't your lover would be very hurtful.

ImpetuousBride · 13/02/2017 22:30

I don't like that he never even asked you if you wanted to have a valentine's date. Why does he have to take this work colleague out on Tuesday? She'll be there 2 weeks, plenty of time for work lunches or dinners.

UnbornMortificado · 13/02/2017 22:33

I personally think Valentine's Day is shit mostly after a mc I suffered on the day but that's besides the point, some people might like it and think it's special.

If the op is upset I'm guessing she is one of those people and her husband with who she has two DC should know that.

WannaBe · 13/02/2017 22:33

Yabu. You say other work colleagues may be going as well? So it's hardly two people going out for a meal on valentines is it?

Besides which valentines is meaningless crap.

Tracey300884 · 13/02/2017 22:33

I would say to him "Ok, what time are WE ALL going babe?!"

Original poster
BreakfastMuffin · 13/02/2017 23:14

Wannabe - the point is he's leaving me alone with the kids, it's kinda irrelevant there are other people coming isn't it?

OP posts:
BillyButtfuck · 13/02/2017 23:18

What would you usually do on Valentine's Day?

Original poster
BreakfastMuffin · 13/02/2017 23:20

Maybe have a takeaway or a nice cooked meal.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 13/02/2017 23:23

YANBU - he's taking another woman out for dinner? That would piss me off whatever the day.

BusyBeez99 · 13/02/2017 23:25

Valentine's Day is to tell someone that you like that who don't know. Not the person you live with.

Let him go out

BusyBeez99 · 13/02/2017 23:26

Valentine's Day is to tell someone that you like them - someone that doesn't already know. Not someone you live with

Let him go out

(Re posted as found glasses and realized what I typed made no sense)

Birdsgottaf1y · 13/02/2017 23:27

Is tomorrow her first day? F not then it's very odd. Also would he do the same if it was a male colleague and is he in a Work position that he has to 'take a colllegue' out, rather than organise a get together?

Have you asked why he's changing your routine of getting a take-a-way etc?

Birdsgottaf1y · 13/02/2017 23:29

"Valentine's Day is to tell someone that you like them - someone that doesn't already know. Not someone you live with ""

Not for everyone, it's a celebration, like Christmas, that can have different meanings.

But if it is, I'd question him wanting to take a female colleague out and his ability to get a table, unless there going to McDonald's, or it's been booked for a while.

Original poster
BreakfastMuffin · 13/02/2017 23:29

Haha busy - I'm not stopping him. There are a couple other people going out as well, all away from home though so not leaving their partners alone per se.

OP posts:
marriednotdead · 13/02/2017 23:39

YANBU. And his dismissing/minimising of your feelings on the subject are not very nice responses. Do you trust him?

Not everyone celebrates Valentines Day but if a married colleague wanted to take me to dinner then I'd decline if it fell on that day, I'd assume he wanted to spend it with his wife.

MiddleClassProblem · 13/02/2017 23:47

I wouldn't be arsed. You know it's a group. You've phased it as a woman and later say you know a couple of others are going. I think you're winding yourself up.