To think stop blaming the school for YOUR kids uniform?

[youarenotkiddingme]

Grrrrr. I am hormonal. Ive managed to fight off a migraine with super strength co codamol and have had 2 friends on phone about kids uniform and punishments. That makes 4 since Friday.

And yes, it's none of my business blah blah except people keep making it my business by moaning at ME.

Basically we have 3 secondary schools in out area.
I doesn't allow girls to wear trousers.

Trousers in the other 2 have to be bootleg. No leggings, tight trousers, cropped etc. All pretty standard afaik.
School with skirts only are choice of 2 styles and both come in 2 lengths to allow for height variations.

Basically parent of skirt only school bought DD shorter length despite her being 5"6 because her DD "wanted that one".
Other kid has converse leather lace ups because "that's what she wanted and wouldn't chose an alternative"
2 other girls wear trousers, 1 wore jegging style and the other right straight style.

All are getting into trouble.

AIBU though to think that these parents need to stop moaning at me their children are getting into trouble stop buying uniform to "avoid an argument in new look" and "because she insisted she wanted those" and then get all arsey the school blame them for incorrect uniform. One of these parents even said to me "but my DD put those on what should I do?"

I really pissed off the last person to moan at me (about 20 minutes ago) because I replied "buy the correct uniform so your child can only wear the correct uniform. You are the parent".

So AIBU or do I need to apologise for letting my hormones do the talking?

YANBU.

Just buy the right stuff to start with and there'll be no issue.

Agreed.

It's childish and provocative to ignore uniform requirements.

You don't do your kids any favours either.

Whilst I have no problem buying my own DC the correct uniform for their school and they have no problem wearing it, I feel some school uniforms do cause problems because they are not inclusive enough. Girls should be allowed to wear trousers - there are cultural, religious, emotional and social reasons whereby not allowing them to wear them would be discriminatory. Similarly if schools are strict regarding only allowing lace up shoes, this can be very problematic for students with fine motor skills difficulties.

DD school are allowed trousers - the girls all wear skirts! I'd have killed to wear trousers and ditch the tights !!

Just tell them you aren't interested - stop making suggestions - change the conversation

I agree. I think some schools spend far too much time on being particular.

It started Friday evening when I bumped into an old school friend of Ds in town. Chatting and I suggested coffee and catch up. Most of the conversation was her complaining, in front of DD, the school had insisted she buy new shoes as not uniform. Personally I see no issue with the lace up converse. They are far more practical than the dolly shoes!
But it was the fact she was moaning about how she'd only got the, after Xmas in sales, she'd told DD she didn't think they were allowed, but her DD had insisted she wanted them and them only. But was slagging off the school for asking her to buy regulation shoes.

All I kept thinking is stop blaming school - you and DD bought them despite you knowing she shouldn't have them. But they were bought because her DD refused to try on anything else.

It sounds like your friend was just venting, OP. She will know she is not powerless in this situation but probably just wanted your sympathy because she feels stuck in the middle between a stroppy teenager and a school which enforces their uniform policy to the letter.

Jesus who are these namby pamby parents being dictated to by their children? Whose money are they spending? A simple No I'm not buying them would suffice I think. My DD's primary school also has strict rules on shoes ( no boots allowed) and socks / tights - white socks and grey tights which I think is a pain in the arse. ( but not grey socks or white tights) I was tempted to send her with an ankle boot in the winter since they are obviously warmer but I wouldn't want to get her into trouble. If I did chance it I would totally take it on the chin if I was pulled up.

I really think it's wrong that girls can't wear trousers.
The girls I see in skirts all seem to be very short so I think the school is on a road to nowhere with that one.

I agree that parents should stick to the uniform BUT the majority of pupils wang to look trendy and long skirts and bootleg trousers are not classed as trendy by school kids.

YANBU

I don't think parents choose to be 'namby pamby'. Lots of parents do have problems with their teenagers rebelling - it is not a new phenomenon. Thankfully, my DC is fairly easy going, comparatively, but we have certainly had our moments. I think it is a sad thing when struggling parents are automatically criticised rather than sympathised with. Yes, over permissiveness can cause big problems but labelling someone as 'namby pamby' does not really help them establish some boundaries.

I think the problem is when the uniform is sporadically enforced and so many kids get away with wearing more fashionable styles that the kids who wear the correct uniform get victimised. And it seems to parents and kids that the school aren't too fussy about this or that despite it being against policy. If the uniform was consistently enforced then kids wouldn't be wanting something different because their friends have it - they would all be wearing the same.

I think the problem is when the uniform is sporadically enforced and so many kids get away with wearing more fashionable styles that the kids who wear the correct uniform get victimised.

^^ I agree.

The secondary school I attended only allowed girls to wear skirts- I hated it! Took me a good few years after I left to wear them again.

And tights are just evil. I laddered so many pairs of school tights.

As a teacher I often feel sorry for the students when they and their parents have obviously tried to get uniform right but have fallen short - when the skirt is a couple of inches too short or the shoes are patent leather etc. It often seems to them to be the school being really unreasonable, but the problem is that if you let off the minor offenders who made a mistake, you have very little standing with the people who are flouting the rules deliberately. "Well, her skirt is above the knee" is what you will hear from the student whose underwear is visible, in reference to the student whose kneecap is visible. And unfortunately there is no argument you can make that doesn't involve making a subjective judgement that is likely to cause even more trouble. The same is true of the wrong shoes, trousers, coat etc. It is all or nothing because a minority of parents are a PITA, not because school staff want to spend time on this.

I think school uniforms are a ridiculous waste of time and effort that could more productively be spent on other, more important things. I'd still be at least a bit irritated about being drawn into so many rants about them, but I think you might have been a little less 'fuck off' in your response.

My children go to a no uniform school with a pretty relaxed dress code (which applies to both teachers and students which makes me happy as I found the hypocrisy of being lectured at by badly dressed teachers very galling way back when I was at at school). dd is currently campaigning to be allowed to wear beanies. I can't say I'm hugely sympathetic!

The secondary school round the corner from us won't allow girls to wear skirts at all, only trousers. I presume it is to avoid the arguments about skirt lengths.

Oh yeah I'm on board with the amounted of wasted time spent on inspecting uniform!

I also don't see the issue with the shows she had or the trousers one girl was wearing.

I think it was listening to the same moan for the 4th time in 4 days about the kids wearing something the parent brought and the parent feigning absolute innocence!

I've text my friend and said sorry I was snappy and apologised if I came across as judgemental. She said I didn't sound judgy and when she'd told her DH what I'd said and concerned as I'm not usually like that he told her I had a point!

I think half the reason I get called for these types of things is that I'm seen as the reasonable, strong and calm one! (Usually!).