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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like a shit mum today

11 replies

DizzyFizzyLizzy · 13/02/2017 15:28

Currently sitting in the car outside supermarket in tears.

I'm pregnant. I'm tired and sick and hormonal. I have a two year old DD (she only turned two a couple of weeks ago) who, 99.9% of the time, is an angel.

Today, not so much. She was her normal lovely self this morning but was tired after lunch. She doesn't nap in the house. I did try to get her to settle but to no avail. My friend was in with her wee one for a coffee and DD was so badly behaved. Deliberately spilled juice on the carpet, spat banana at me etc. Crying, whinging etc.

Friend left, we need a food shop. It took me 45 minutes to get her out of the house. Wouldn't co-operate for nappy change, wouldn't put on her coat, just kept running away when I tried to get her into the car. My stress levels were sky high. Got a bad work email through too.

Put her into her car seat and she grabbed a handful of my hair and scraped her nails down my face in a temper. I have never been so close to smacking her hand in my life. I didn't, but I'm so upset with myself at how close I came and how I lost control of the situation. I told her off and she laughed.

She's now asleep in the back of the car and I know I need to wake her up or she'll never go down tonight (plus we need to buy food) but I just can't face it.

😞

OP posts:

redexpat · 13/02/2017 15:31

Just give yourself 10 more minutes. What time is her bedtime? How many hours do you have left?

Blackhouse · 13/02/2017 15:32

You're a human and don't worry about it. Just get the essentials and head home and put the kettle on!

Original poster

DizzyFizzyLizzy · 13/02/2017 15:34

She goes to bed about seven. My husband will be home around six to old her bath etc but he is out again tonight. Usually he goes out once she's in bed but if she refuses to go to bed he'll need to leave and I'll need to deal. Not usually an issue at all but tonight...😞

OP posts:

Nowwhatisit · 13/02/2017 15:37

Shut your eyes and snatch a snooze yourself?

CreakyWitch · 13/02/2017 15:37

Bless you - Well done for being at the end of your rope and still not smacking her hand.

Leave her asleep for 10 minutes and get out of the car and take some deep slow breaths of fresh air and stare at the sky - assuming it's not raining. Watch the clouds or the trees and think about nothing very much. Then when you're ready - back to the fray :-)

LadyCatherinedeBourgh · 13/02/2017 15:39

Don't be so hard on yourself! Every parent loses it occasionally, you're only human and kids push you to your limits sometimes. You didn't do anything wrong. It's so hard when you're pregnant and you have a toddler. It is easier when the baby arrives. Get a shove in the oven dinner, sod the rest and get an online delivery. Have a bath or something tonight to relax.

BastardGoDarkly · 13/02/2017 15:44

You've had a bad day, when she wakes up she'll no doubt be full of smiles and chatter round the shop.

All's not lost

Itsjustaphase2016 · 13/02/2017 15:49

All sounds totally normal!! And when dc2 arrives you are sure to have plenty more days of this ilk!! Not everyday has to be lovely and perfect and amazing. Toddlers can be little terrors! Very funny and loving..but total demons as well. You did well not to lose your cool too much.

toptoe · 13/02/2017 16:15

None of that makes you a shit mum!! even the about to smack her hand bit. She hurt you (though she didn't really know exactly what she was doing to you).

Now, wipe the slate clean.

Two is called the 'terrible twos' because children are like those raptors in jurassic park - testing their boundaries and seeing how independent they can be from you. Also, if they are under the weather or tired this can be magnified. If you are tired then it seems a lot worse.

In reality, she lost the plot because she now thinks in a way where she chooses what to do but doesn't quite understand what she's supposed to choose. So you say 'time to get in the buggy/car seat/trolley' she doesn't get it's because a. it's dangerous to run around b. your back is killing you c. it's just quicker and easier all round. All she thinks is 'I don't want to be restricted so if I shout/pull hair/spill my juice then it won't happen.

Getting frustrated at this behaviour is part of parenting. And it's ok for dc to see you are frustrated with them because this is part of socialisation.

Katy07 · 13/02/2017 16:20

Actually you could rewrite your post to say 'I'm a great mum because although my DD has been a little sod today and I'm having a seriously difficult time, I've not lost my temper and smacked her and now she's sleeping like the little angel she usually is. I know that she'll probably be fine for the rest of the day but even if she's not I'll cope and it won't last forever anyway. Tomorrow will be a fab day! And now, while I'm making the most of this moment of calm in my life I'll spend a few minutes enjoying the lovely people on Mumsnet'
So YABU to feel like a shit mum because you're not shit at all

Original poster

DizzyFizzyLizzy · 13/02/2017 18:32

Thank you for your kind messages everyone. We got the food shop done. She moaned and whinged all round but we got through it. She's in the bath now.

She has been a pest all afternoon. I'm wondering if she might in fact be coming down with something, as this is so unlike her. DH was late home of course. Because everything pales into insignificance when he has a difficult day at work

A long bath is on the cards tonight for sure.

OP posts:

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