DH has a small but successful company. He has always been self employed as long as I've known him, but he struggled with the admin side of what he does, so I used to help him out with annual returns and things. His business has grown and he wanted me to do more but I said I didn't want to and he would have to start looking for a permanent admin/accounts person.
He finds it hard to trust people so he didn't do this, and he'd leave things to the last minute and beg me to help him out. It got so stressful and to the point where he sat me down and basically said "look, I want you to be the admin person. If you don't then I'm going to keep my wages to myself, you keep yours, and we'll half everything. But I don't think relationships work that way". (We always just put everything into a pot and take what we need, he's very generous to be fair and has always earnt a lot more than me). So I agreed as I felt like he was saying we would split up if not?
I went part time at my job in a retail shop and did admin for him part time from home. He turned the company into a limited company, and put me as company secretary and he is director and we have equal shares in the business. Business is still growing and he started to pressure me into going full time, I was going through a bad time in my part time job so agreed to go full time here, so now I am. I get a wage and we have been able to take a dividend at the end of the year for the past couple of years, although I haven't spent those, they've gone into a savings pot for a new house.
It all sounds very lovely on paper but I actually hate being self employed, and working for myself. I'm good with figures and spreadsheets but I'm not very good at being self motivated, I get easily distracted and I'm not very organised. I used to have my own tiny little business which I gave up because although I liked the work, I hated being self employed and all that entailed. I feel like I'm letting my DH down constantly, I feel like if he got someone else who was good at this type of thing then his business would really soar because he's such a hard worker and amazing at what he does, but I'm not really if I'm honest. Whenever I've been employed I live for holidays and weekends and would rarely voluntarily do overtime, whereas he is the exact opposite. He's a workaholic who has to be practically forced to take time off. I also feel like it's taken a bit of the shine off our relationship and showed him a side of me that he doesn't like which he would never have known about otherwise. I've always done well in employed jobs, because I have a boss and colleagues and supervision etc. I'm a type of person that works best when I'm told what to do and when by, and told if I go wrong or what I'm doing right, if that makes sense. And I don't really see anything wrong with that, everyone is different and we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
We've just had a massive fall out because I've missed some invoices, one as I didn't know the job was complete, and another I didn't charge as much as I should which sounds terrible and I feel awful about but I genuinely don't really know where I went wrong with them? We can correct things now to an extent but it doesn't look great to the customers and embarasses DH.
AIBU to not want to work for him? I'm so scared to tell him, and I am grateful for the opportunities and money that he has given me, but I just think the business would be better without me. I don't want to disappoint him or let him down. Do you think I should tell him, or do you think I should try and just be better? If so does anyone who is self employed have any advice about working better under your own supervision?