We have DC aged 10, 6, 4 and 2 and I am 12 weeks pregnant. He has poor relationships with the children in that they'll happily use him to fetch things for them or do things I wouldn't (like carrying and feeding the 4 year old) but none of them listen to a word he says. I would and do back him up but he makes threats and doesn't stick to them and expects me to tell them off for him. He 'cannot' take any of them to bed or school - they would be hysterical. They don't ever want to spend time alone with him and he can't look after more than one at a time without WW3 breaking out.
He has not once got up during the night for feeds or settling or poorly children. DS6 has ASD and sleeps so badly, DD2 has never slept through the night. I don't think I've slept for longer than four hours in the past six years. I do cope, but it is no thanks to him. This latest pregnancy is the result of a failed vasectomy. I do not want to have a termination but I also cannot fathom how I'll manage with 5 DC without strangling DP after what he announced yesterday.
He currently works shifts and is out for 13 hrs 5 days per week and on call all night on those nights, too. He announced yesterday that he's taken on a different contract whereby he'll be on call on his days off as well. This means every day could potentially be a work day thus giving him the excuse to never do anything at night with the DC. It means I have to do the school run with 5 DC every day, even if he's at home twiddling his thumbs. It means the DCs already disturbed sleep being further disturbed by his alarm every single day and them rejecting him even more no doubt.
It doesn't make any difference money wise to me or the DC. I receive 'housekeeping' and that isn't going to increase. I just feel like there's no point being together if his reaction to the new baby is to work and disconnect from the family even more. AIBU to think he should be trying to work less to improve relations and help me more rather than trying to absolve himself of any responsibility at all?