Kids parties can be an absolute fucking nightmare

[FunnysInLaJardin]

So I have 2 DS's. We have been through sleepover hell, house party hell and I thought with DS2 we had it sussed.

Apparently not. Soft play/gym type party which should have been supervised but wasn't so DH had to marshall 12 7yo's while I did the food.

We sat down to eat and one child shouted at me that he needed entertaining while he ate and where was the telly/DVD. Found a telly and was trying to put a DVD on, while I was saying sit down and eat etc. Lots of running about, screaming when the lights went out for the cake and shouting through 'Happy Birthday'. Then some boys proceeded to take their clothes off at which point DH got angry and ended up sending one boy out of the party for his frankly awful behaviour.

These are all boys from DS2's class at school and who are largely speaking nice well behaved boys.

So the conclusion is, no more large parties. Just a couple of friends to the cinema from now on.

It has taken us 11 years to reach that conclusion

That's what we now do with DS1 Rugby and yes from now on that's what we will do with DS2. The only mum that stayed at the party has 3 girls and was visibly shocked. She is a primary teacher and asked whether my boys were like the other boys when they were at home !

Gosh a kid asked for a dvd (which you then put on!!) and some of them took their tops off when they were probably sweating. I wouldn't have even tried to make them put their tops back on. Sounds like high spirits at a party. Were any of them fighting or being mean or doing anything actually wrong? What did the child do who got sent out? Sounds like a pretty joyless occasion tbh so I wouldn't worry about the kids coming to future parties - they probably won't want to anyway!

High spirits at a party my arse.
Sounds like bad behaviour to me.
Yes, I do have (now older) boys.

Yeah heaven forbid a group of 7 yos running around and making noise at a playcentre on their friends birthday. Whatever next? I'd be disappointed if my kids friends didn't do that at one of my kids parties tbh.
Still want to know what fun awful behaviour the child that was dismissed from the party was engaging in.

Gosh a kid asked for a dvd (which you then put on!!) I think the child was trying to put the DVD on not the OP.

Ok I see. The op was quite unclear. Still not really the crime of the century. We eat at the table at home but I wouldn't be bothered about having a dvd on as a one off at a party. Our local playcentre has a projector that projects cartoons onto the wall while the kids eat. If the op was dead set on no dvd though then surely all that needed to be done was to say 'we're not watching a dvd' and to take the dvd. It's not something I would even give a second thought to tbh.

Kids need to behave at these events. If you have 12 7 year olds running riot then accidents happen, fights break out, etc. It ends up spoiling it for everyone.

I don't see what's wrong with expecting children of that age to be able to sit still for a short time whilst they eat and do the cake. Both of mine managed it at that age, and both have additional needs.

At what age would you suggest that children are taught how to behave appropriately, bum, or would you have the little darlings running riot throughout their childhood?

I think running and playing in a playcentre is entirely appropriate. The op hasn't mentioned any fights breaking out and unless there is a massive drip feed coming the kids sound like normal kids having fun at a party.
At 7 I would expect a child to be able to sit nicely in a posh restaurant or be quiet in a library for eg but at a kids party I would have no issue with kids behaving like kids having fun at a kids party.

I came to the realisation that the maximum number of child guests has to be 6... But I have many more years ahead, so this number may still be subject to consideration, haha.

I'd expect a child to be able to sit and eat, even at a party. It's quite dangerous to run around, eating and also spreads food all over the place.

The soft play place I used when my kids were little had a completely separate area for food. Who'd want their kids climbing through a ball pit with bits of mouldy cake in it?

Rereading the op she says that they are usually well-behaved boys. She also says that other parties she has had have been hellish. I think an adjustment of expectations might be in order. Kids get very excitable at parties. Even well-behaved kids.

I don't think she is complaining about the actual behaviour during the play part of the party more the behaviour when they were supposed to be sitting and eating, doing the cake etc. We operate a no TV, no gadgets during meals and would enforce it at a party too.

I have after 3 boys mastered the loud voice, the stern looks and will not tolerate such behaviour. Rather than being seen as an ogre by my son's friends they have always known where they stand with me and I generally (now they are teens) have a house full of respectful boys.

The one thing that surprised me most was that OP's DH was a teacher so I would assume would be used to handling a group of boys?

It's not clear from the op when the 'lots of running about' was taking place and I agree that they should sit while eating. But, again, a simple 'are you eating or are you going to play because you've finished?' would sort that out.
But the other things like removing tops - why is that even something the op got involved with? Playcentres are tropically hot even when you're sitting still. If they were removing pants I could understand saying something. Screaming when the lights went out for the cake - I've never been to a party where the kids don't do that and I'm including the parties I went to as a child. Shouting through 'happy birthday' is standard as well ime. Sounds like the teacher dh was trying to run the party like a school day and I maintain it sounds joyless for everyone involved.

Confused as to why taking tops off is a problem? They are young boys not teenage girls.

This year has been the first year I've encountered this kind of behavior at a party. Ds turned 9, had a sports party with school friends all aged 8-10. Two of them will never get an invite ever again. Never seen such cocky, mean, arrogant kids in my life

Removing tops would, I imagine, result in lost clothing, as is usually the case with 7 year olds.

I wouldn't want to be playing 'hunt the super expensive branded top' because little Tommy can't look after his own stuff.

The playing part had finished. This sounds like it was the food part of the party, which is where it is totally reasonable to expect everyone to sit down. If they wanted to continue to play, then they leave their food and go back to the main play part. You can't combine the two.

I guess I've been lucky. Two girls with several parties, at soft play, swimming pools and theme parks. Swimming pool was brilliant except for being 7 months pregnant in the height of the summer and having to marshal children all over the place. Thankfully had lots of dads volunteering to go in the water and keep an eye on them.

And I took 8 kids to a local theme park for DD2's party when she was 7. That was interesting! We lost a mobile phone and 2 children but it was a good day. As far as I know those 2 children are still in the maze 4 years later. The parents were fine about it though :o.

So would you not let the girls take cardies off then or boys take hoodies off if they had a t-shirt underneath then? If kids have been dropped at a party in a playcentre the host isn't responsible for shoes, coats, tops etc. Up to the parents to find them when they collect if they've been dumped somewhere. That's not to say I wouldn't try to keep stuff together as a host but I would feel it was ultimately my job.

This is why we
A. have never done a soft play party
B. never invite more than 8

I've seen too many other kids parties descend into chaotic hell!

Wow op think you got a rough ride.

I don't think yabu at all.
Think the fact the child's mom has text you to apologise about his behaviour says it all.

Well to be fair I would text to apologise if a mother texted me and told me that my child had behaved awfully at their kids party. I think the ops definition of awful is the same as my definition of excited though. It seems like the op expected to not even have to keep them in line at all. It is hinted in the op that she would have preferred parents stay. If that's the case you need to make it clear on the invitation imo. Most parents don't stay past yr 1.

Well I remember my 7th birthday party in 1971 descended into chaos and my dad chasing several boys around with a stick. grin he probably would be arrested nowadays. Good times.

^^Funny!

I feel your pain, OP. I absolutely hated hosting parties when my kids were young - they used to give me sleepless nights! (Waking up in a cold sweat - 'OMG I dreamed I forgot the party bags! Nooooo!') The little horrors were always a real handful on the day itself. I moved over to birthday treats such as cinema and pizza with a couple of special friends just as soon as I could get away with it.

Ds will be 9 next birthday, I've decided the party days are over, it will be a day out with couple of friends and a burger on the way home!