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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend should not feel guilty - debt

23 replies

MsJamieFraser · 11/02/2017 11:53

My friend is feeling guilty for having got into debt due to unforeseen circumstances, he child took really poorly and she had to go part time at work then had to stop working (well she went on a ) hour contract) in the 5 years the child was ill they racked up £20,000 worth of debt, she had to go into a debt management plan, they where paying all the bills, however nothing was left for food and living.

Now that she is able to work full time, she is paying the debt back at the amount advised plus a few hundred on top, however she says they could pay more, but instead they are saving it, as otherwise they have no safety net to fall back on, for instance her boiler needed a repair as did her washing machine and MOT for the car, which she was able to pay outright, however she feels guilty?

AIBU to think that shes paying off the debt, and because she is saving her other income then she has no reason to feel guilty. They've had a pretty horrible past, however are now at a happy point in there lives.

OP posts:
frenchfancy · 11/02/2017 11:55

It sounds like she is being very sensible. She should enjoy the present without guilt.

gamerchick · 11/02/2017 11:57

She's being sensible Imo. Better to pay stuff straight off rather than get in more debt.

Chipping away at debt, not getting in any more and eventually its settled. She doesn't need to feel guilt Imo.

SalmonFajitas · 11/02/2017 11:57

Of course she shouldn't feel guilty. She didn't spend the money on luxury holidays or an overpriced car. Sounds like she's being sensible in paying it back too.

Allthewaves · 11/02/2017 11:59

Think its sensible to create a saftey net as well as paying debt.

pinkyredrose · 11/02/2017 12:00

She's got nothing to feel guilty about at all, she's being very sensible.

DJBaggySmalls · 11/02/2017 12:02

YANBU. A safety net is an essential, not a luxury. She's had a bad enough time without adding guilt to the burden of debt.

HeyYouYesYou · 11/02/2017 12:03

She sounds very sensible. There is no point paying every penny she has and then potentially having no car to get to work for example.
Remember lending is a business, and like any business the lenders win some and they lose some. They probably haven't done well out of her if she has a payment plan (ie no interest) but that's the chance they took. This is a business issue not a moral one. I wish her all the best with getting debt-free and she sounds like she has her head screwed on WRT planning for unforeseen expenses.

pinkyredrose · 11/02/2017 12:03

Plus what woukd she have done if she didn't have the safety net when she needed it? She'd have been in a right pickle! Surely having it available when she needed it proved to her she was doing the right thing in saving it? If she hadn't had it she'd have had to add it to her debt.

listsandbudgets · 11/02/2017 12:05

Shes being very sensible.

Shes paying bacl and saving against emergencies. It would be silly to pay back at a higher rate then have to borrow again at a potentially higjer interest rate. That would just plunge her into worse debt

Chloe84 · 11/02/2017 12:10

Is she paying interest on the debt?

She is NBU. Best to save the money. Unless she is paying a high interest rate.

Does she have a property? In her situation, I would have applied for bankruptcy if I didn't a property or plans to buy one.

Dagnabit · 11/02/2017 12:19

I agree; she's being sensible to provide her and her family with a safety net and she's working hard to clear the debt so absolutely no need to feel guilty. It's not like she racked up loads of debt due to mismanagement of her income; her child was ill and she couldn't work the same hours. I'm glad things are better for them and you sound like a lovely, supportive friend.

AdoraBell · 11/02/2017 12:19

She is absolutely right saving money rather than putting every penny towards the debt. She shouldn't feel guilty at all. I hope that disappears as she reduces the debt.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/02/2017 12:21

If she's got advice from a debt charity, that's how it's supposed to work. You work out how much all your annual expenses, including car repairs, MOT, insurance, broken washing machine as well as all food and bills and pay the debt with what's left after all these.

Of course you must save the money for car repairs etc until they arise, and not spend the 'spare' money on things not in your budget.

Ellapaella · 11/02/2017 12:55

She's being very sensible, sorting her debt out in manageable amounts and still putting some aside for the kind of things you can't plan for. Why would she feel guilty?

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 11/02/2017 13:06

Because shes paying the debt interest free, and is able to now have treats at the weekend (she can now take her child swimming, soft play etc) shes very careful with money, and even before her child had taken ill, they where careful with money, small mortgage as they saved for a big deposit etc...

I've shown her this thread in the hope she stops feeling guilty over it.

OP posts:
greenmidgetgems · 11/02/2017 13:26

A DMP should leave enough money for food and (frugal) living. If the plan she had didn't allow that I'd be concerned at the advice she received.

However there is not supposed to be enough spare for savings. The idea is to pay off your debt as much and as quickly as possible.

Has her plan be reviewed since she went full time? It is usually reviewed every 12 months. It's likely that she will be expected to increase the amount she is paying.

A DMP is an informal arrangement between the debtor and their creditors. It can be revoked at any time by the creditors and this may happen if they feel the debtor hasn't been honest with them.

Best thing to do is for your friend to advise debt management company of increased income, redo budget and agree an icreased amount into the plan.

SalmonFajitas · 11/02/2017 13:30

Of course she shouldn't feel guilty because she gets to take her child swimming at the weekend. A swimming trip can easily fit around a rural lifestyle. It's not like a holiday abroad or a takeaway every week.

Magzmarsh · 11/02/2017 13:59

I hate when people are made to feel like shit for having the odd treat like a takeaway or a day out when they're repaying debt, we have to thrive, not just survive.

Charlesroi · 11/02/2017 13:59

She's being sensible by saving to protect her family first. The companies she originally owed money to probably sold off the debt for less than half its value (they write off this against tax bill). Debts can be sold on for pennies in the pound.
Plus if she saves up she might be able to negotiate a discount for settling it - the debt collection company will still make a profit. If she's not paying interest it makes sense to do this.

Allthebestnamesareused · 11/02/2017 14:11

I'm guessing its a reverse. YABU.

You are doing the right thing. as long as you pay what you are legally obliged to pay that is fine. It is fantastic that you are overpaying so that you will be clear of this quicker.

It is very sensible to have some put by so that you can live day to day and cover future emergency/necessary payments.

Good luck in the future.

KnittedBlanketHoles · 11/02/2017 14:14

I agree with the past that lending is a business where they win some and liar some and they price is built in. She's paying her debts, tell her to relax.

HelenaGWells · 11/02/2017 14:22

Most dmp allow for an emergency fund. She's fine. If she's paying Over what the calculation is anyway why does it matter? It's not like she's paying virtually nothing at all.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 11/02/2017 22:11

It's not a reverse Hmm she feels better after reading this thread, shes just done her renewal, she is with a charity also.

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