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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work meal out

39 replies

BhajiAllTheWay · 11/02/2017 11:48

Long time lurker here. Struggling to know how to handle this one. Works outings have started to get more often in lunches, teas out for any occasion. If someone can't attend on a certain date it gets juggled round until everyone can go. So far so good as I think it's seen as a bonding thing.BUT.. i try to order pretty much the cheapest thing as I'm a single mum plus earn not very much and im the only part timer compared to most of them in the top roles. Lately the consensus has been splitting the bill total between everyone there!! I don't drink either. So last time I had a meal at £10... it ended up costing £18 as the rest had pricey stuff!! Dunno how to handle this without being the one who says they can't afford...I feel embarrassed. If I said no to going they'd just rearrange till I can. I like my colleagues but already they are planning another 2 meals out ..WWYD??

OP posts:

PlayOnWurtz · 12/02/2017 10:36

It'seems not impossible at all! One way round it is to send the menu round with the invite and get people to pay up front under the guise of making it quicker to place orders. The other is just pay your own bill at the end.

It's only ever wealthy and well off people who want to split the bill I've noticed.

Roomster101 · 12/02/2017 15:32

I don't think I've ever split the bill like this and there's been enough! Someone always miscalculates or forgets to add their side/share of wine etc

I should have added that we usually pay for drinks at the bar. I've found that heavy drinkers (usually men) often underestimate the cost of the drinks.

WipsGlitter · 12/02/2017 16:29

I agree that the pay for what you had plus tip always comes up short.

Flisstizzy · 12/02/2017 16:38

Do you actually want to go? I think I would hate this. Start ducking out, or tell them outright you can't afford it and to just arrange it without you, if you do go say at the start you are going to pay for your drink separately and not on the bill.

The collection situation sounds horrendous too this needs to be nipped in the bud by management.

TurnipCake · 12/02/2017 16:45

Can you think of a commitment out of thin air (childcare, unwell relative, new evening hobby of yours) that means you'll no longer be able to go to these events and ask them not to juggle the date just to squeeze you in? Sounds ghastly to attend if they're becoming regular things

PastysPrincess · 12/02/2017 16:53

I've had this at work and it's usually the ones who earn three times what I do who suggest splitting the bill.

I just take enough cash for what I'm having (assuming you can see the menu first) and when some suggests splitting the bill just say "oh I've only got enough on me for what I've had".

See if you can find an all you can eat place which has a set price. We used to go to an all you could eat chinese buffet and paid for our own drinks at the bar.

AJudyKate · 12/02/2017 16:57

If they are on much higher salaries I think it's very unfair

When we go out for a work meal the higher paid management people (including me) always put in a bit more eg pay for everyone's drinks because we are well aware that people are paid widely varying amounts.

I also don't like the expectation of everyone going all the time and collections all the time. We only really do leaving not birthdays, weddings, babies etc.

Personally I think work is work and friends are friends and I prefer to keep them separate so I avoid this stuff as far as possible. Some of the best teams I ever worked on pretty much never saw each other outside work so I don't feel it's at all necessary.

I bet if you start a mutiny lots more people will feel the same way you do!

Original poster

BhajiAllTheWay · 12/02/2017 22:17

Some good points made here, thank you. I especially think leaving soon after the meal is done and having the correct money to put down is an excellent suggestion as is being honest and saying I can't attend because I can't afford! I just need to not be as shy and tell the truth.

OP posts:

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2017 22:41

Eating out:
Nearly all the groups I've been out with, everyone pays separately. The waitstaff have always managed this perfectly. It takes a few minutes at most.
Much fairer, less pressure and also everyone can leave when they want, without mixing up the bill.

Collections:
Our secretary EMails everyone that the collection box is on her desk, with the card to sign.
So, again no pressure.

AntiGrinch · 12/02/2017 23:02

"I agree that the pay for what you had plus tip always comes up short."

It is possible for this to work - it only seems not to work when there are habitual freeloaders in the group - the very same people who order lots of drinks and three courses are the ones who are all "Let's split the bill!" so if the bill is £250 and there are 10 people they think £25 (forgetting the tip - this type always forget the tip; and forgetting that they are on the expensive end and they need to balance out the cheap end BECAUSE they ALWAYS do this, and they have an unrealistic sense of what their lunch costs because people keep subsidising them)

So if you are going to do this, have a meeting straight after lunch and get away early. Make sure a few people see what cash you leave and make sure they know that it covers your food + tip. then the rest is their problem - the freeloaders will be there (as we know from your OP) and the problem will arise - in fact it will arise to a worse extent as they'll be missing a payer - you. Just don't be there to be troubled by it.

If everyone did this, one day people who order food that costs £8 + £15 + £6.50 and also drinks that cost £6 + £6 + £6 would eventually realise that you can't have all that for £25. It looks like it will take them a while though at the current rate of learning

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2017 23:05

If I said no to going they'd just rearrange till I can.

Not if you tell them, "No thanks. I don't fancy it".

There's nothing to rearrange then.

bunnylove99 · 13/02/2017 00:25

Just politely decline the invitation saying ' I hope you all have a lovely time bit I won't be joining you on this occasion' I do this frequently at work. As a part time worker I go to work to earn money and can't afford to blow half a shifts work in a restaurant. We hardly eat out as a family so I'm not going to blow a lot of money eating out with colleagues. The 'only paying for what you eat' strategy never works in groups. Someone (normally the only one who has eaten a la carte and ordered cocktails) will insist the bill is split equally between all. If it's a special occasion for someone a personal message of goodwill to them directly before the event should suffice.

Flipthebirdy · 13/02/2017 00:29

Had the same situation at my workplace. Someone raised it in a team meeting and everyone else started agreeing. You might not be the only one who feels it's out of line.

anklebitersmum · 13/02/2017 00:51

There's always an issue with large parties that aren't 'proper' friends. Either half of them drink like fish and then expect their booze to be paid for equally or someone's on a budget and doesn't want to be financially embarrassed.

I've been on the receiving end of the 'equal split' bill more than once or twice. Now I speak up and say "No" if this stunt gets pulled.

The only thing I can suggest is to ask for your bill to be separate on the basis that you don't drink. Often wait staff are more than happy to do this and it solves the £20 for a £10 meal problem.

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