After nursery playdate?

[MrsR31]

My little girl is 4, nearly 5. Dropped off to nursery today and on the way out her little friend's mum stopped me and asked if DD could come for a play date after nursery one day, she would pick her up, give her some dinner and I would then collect her afterwards.

I know my dd would love to go, as would her friend to have her over. But I don't know the family too well, or what their home is like etc. Am I being a bit unreasonable to be worried as its only a couple of hours playing and I would be picking her up around 5pm. What would you/have you done in this situation? thanks!

Aaand if anyone gets offended by you vetting where you will be (potentially) leaving your child for any time then they are definitely the odd ones and not you for looking out for your child. Vetting is a good thing and not something that we need to get over, we need to do it and expect it more.

No, I wouldn't let my 4 year old go to a play date with a family I don't know and I wouldn't expect another parent to let me have their child here if we didn't know each other. Meet for coffee (out somewhere or at yours or theirs) and let the kids play, then see how you feel after that.

Yanbu. I wouldn't do this without knowing them - nothing to do with their house or what that's like just more to do with who will be supervising and whether they have dogs. I have one friend with a dog who is lovely but equally i wouldn't trust him around any child he is very unpredictable yet she quite happily has him around her own child. So this is the kind of thing i would want to know / need to know before signing over child to someone else for 5 mins / 5 hours any time. Don't do it if you're not sure.

I am not sure why it's deemed a bad thing to want know anything about the parents and where the child will be going. We can all be 'groovy' about not caring, but I think most of us care...

What I'd do (and did do), is come round the first time for a quick cuppa and then leave them to it.

I've had almost all of DD's class over for lunch (two left, it is taking me a while as I need recovery breaks!), and they are 4/5yos. I ask the parents of there is anything they can't/won't eat and ask the DCs directly if they are comfortable with our dogs/cats (which I am happy to put away if they don't like but so far it's been OK). I'd let her go and mention about the dog.

I had this about two months ago. My dd is 4 (turned 4 October) and a mum text me (had my number from dds party) asking if she'd like to go to softplay with her dd. She said she would pick her up, give her tea and drop her off. luckily unfortunately it was on the same day as a christening so she couldn't go but I sent a text back saying I'd be happy to rearrange for another day but I would bring her and stay. I might sound OTT but I don't properly know this woman and wasn't comfortable with it. If I take dd to a party I always stay, I think 4 is still very young.

DS had his first after school play date last year and I went with him (reception class). I knew the mother from the playground but wouldn't let him go alone until I had spent a bit of time there too. My DD (8) has only just started to go to friends on her own...I may be over protective but most of their friends' parents are similar

It's your dd. Trust your instinct. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my young dc go alone a stranger's house unaccompanied. Ask to accompany. Most other parents would understand imo

Not unless I knew the family fairly well and had been to their house before. You can tell a lot about someone from their home.

If people think that's weird or over protective then so be it. She's your child to protect so do what feels right.

Nope. I wouldn't. I was always very open and said I don't allow DC to go to play dates unless I accompany them. I said I felt they were too young and that's all that counted as I was Mum.

There might be a bit of a cultural difference here. I am in France and almost all parents have been dropping and leaving at parties from 3yo (when maternelle starts). There is the odd child that is unhappy staying so a parent stays with them (although I have had a wailing 4yo dropped off with a little shove to get on with it!!!), but there seems to be less concern about the host's ability to cope! They all go on overnight trips with the school from 3yo as well.