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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you're a parent, grow up

39 replies

deai · 09/02/2017 18:11

So dp called me to tell me he was 'soooo angry' with ds because he'd broken his brothers/ DS's uncles phone and now he has to pay to get it fixed.

DS is 3, he did brake it by being naughty (he was hitting R, and R dropped his phone and it smashed the screen) he'd been told to stop hitting so I do understand that it wasn't a complete accident, but ds is 3, he didn't mean to brake the phone, he doesn't understand the concept of money, expensive items etc, because he is 3.
me and dp don't live together, and he hasn't had DS since last week so it's hardly stressful for him. I don't get why he phoned me really.
DP clearly annoyed with me because I told him that i don't think he should be too harsh on DS because he didn't mean to brake it, he should give him a time out or something for the hitting and explain that he made R drop his phone and now its broken etc but that's enough I think.
he also lets him play fight etc with him which i don't, so I don't entirely blame DS for the hitting either, how is he supposed to know when it's a game and when it's not. He never hits me, or anyone when he's around me because i've never played with him that way. but if DP and R let him playfight with them, then that's their own stupid fault.

i do accept that i might be being unreasonable though, I'm not an expert in child development but I don't think a 3 year old could understand that a) R could drop his phone, b) that iphones are expensive c) that DP would have to pay for it which leaves him without much money for the rest of the month.

OP posts:

Lulu1083 · 09/02/2017 19:07

ollie your comments are shitty and not needed. I'm sure OP is aware of her own situation, doesn't mean she can't post anything else.

citybushisland · 09/02/2017 19:08

complicated, was ex until very recently. We have DS and I'm 35 weeks pregnant so it's a mess of a situation really.

ouch! You have my sympathy fwiw.

ollieplimsoles · 09/02/2017 19:09

Op I know, but there are bigger things for both of you to consider. I mean- what's going on? You sound like you don't actually like his dad having him, especially if he is with his brother- But you have another baby on the way with him.

ollieplimsoles · 09/02/2017 19:13

lulu well I'm sorry you think that but the op chose to mention her relationship situation and in doing so- offered it up for scrutiny.

RaisinsAndApple · 09/02/2017 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greta84 · 09/02/2017 19:17

Who is R? Is it short for something?

Original poster

deai · 09/02/2017 19:24

R is just dp's brother but it makes for easier reading rather than putting DP's brother all the time is all. It's not short for anything other than his name

OP posts:

Megatherium · 09/02/2017 19:24

I think YANBU, but not for the reasons you suggest. The incident was 100% the responsibility of your DP and his brother: your DP because he was in charge and it was his responsibility to control your son, and his brother for being so stupid as to keep his phone in his hand when he was play fighting. When I'm with small children, I reckon it's entirely my responsibility to ensure that anything they can break or damage is kept well away from them. Tell your DP that he shouldn't pay more than half.

Allthebestnamesareused · 09/02/2017 19:28

DP's responsibility for DS when he is looking after him but R as an adult should be able to stand up and put the phone out of DS's reach. More fool R and more fool DP if he is going to replace his brother's phone. Maybe its insured anyway and R is pulling a fast one on his brother.

AppleMagic · 09/02/2017 19:35

Maybe short for aRsehole

RebelRogue · 09/02/2017 19:40

OP didn't say they were play fighting. She actually says ds was told a few times to stop hitting.
DP sounds like a twat,regardless of the phone incident, and he is responsible as he was supervising. I can actually imagine him passively saying no,without doing anything to stop the hitting like warning,time out,distraction etc.
I am surprised though that so many of you don't think 3yo should have some idea about phones being expensive(and things in general really) or would just chalk it up to experience.

tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames · 09/02/2017 19:46

Is DP the father? If not dump him.

If yes then move in with him so that he can do more active parenting.

Bettyspants · 09/02/2017 19:47

Oh Lordy what a pickle. Yanbu and I feel concerned that you are being rung about something so ridiculous particularly given the relationship status. Hope things improve op, sending !

Megatherium · 10/02/2017 07:55

OP didn't say they were play fighting. She actually says ds was told a few times to stop hitting.

It makes no difference in real terms. How difficult is it to stop a 3 year old hitting you, or to put your phone down?

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