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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD (husband being rude)

22 replies

Wildberries · 07/02/2017 14:13

A bit of a background.
In November I got a puncture. DH took the tyre to a garage for repairs. Soon after it was repaired the tyre went down although not flat. I pumped it up. Then after it went down again DH took the tyre to another place, they put some stuff into it and said "Keep an eye on it".
This morning I went out but very soon realised the tyre was flat so returned home.
DH was getting ready to go to work so I didn't ask him for help, was planning to sort it out myself.
When I told him that the tyre is flat again he said "Are you driving on the bumps too fast". That upset me as I don't think it has anything to do with my driving. I got a puncture in November for the first time in 15 years of driving. I replied "I drive in the same way as I have done for years."
He is becoming annoyed "I cannot say anything to you". I said "It is not my driving , it is the tyre not repaired properly". He stormed off saying "O, fuck off".
That shocked and upset me so much. I never thought that he could be so rude to me so I burst out crying, said "I don't deserve that. How can you be so rude?! He came and gave me a quick hug and said "you always react like that" and left.
I sent him a message saying how upset I was. He replied "I apologise".
I know he is BU. I didn't blame him, I didn't ask for his help.
But I don't know what to do now. I need some advice on what to do.
I cannot leave it and behave normally.
He takes me for granted. I have a job. I do everything around the house and help children with their stuff.

OP posts:

Allthebestnamesareused · 07/02/2017 14:26

So he has apologised twice - probably time to move on.

thewideeyedpea · 07/02/2017 14:28

Honestly, I think you are massively over reacting.

cees · 07/02/2017 14:29

You do everything you say, then stop. He is capable of pitching in and pulling his weight. He was unreasonable to speak to you like that and I would not let him away with that kind of disrespect.

harderandharder2breathe · 07/02/2017 14:30

He's apologised. You both sound like you were overreacting.

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anxious2017 · 07/02/2017 14:33

If I had a pound for every time my husband told me to F off, I'd be a rich woman. It's rude , yes but I'd rather that than bottle it up.

melj1213 · 07/02/2017 14:34

You seem like you're over reacting.

What exactly is it you want your DH to do?

You want him to do something, but don't know what ... how the hell is he supposed to know how to appease you, on top of the two apologies you've already had, if you don't know yourself?!

carefreeeee · 07/02/2017 14:34

Erm - it's not normal to be told to f off by your husband. Apologising doesn't undo it.

But it sounds like there's more to it than just this one argument.

Sit down and have a conversation when you are not feeling annoyed, about how you want the relationship to go and how you want to be treated. But I don't think you should blow this one thing out of proportion as it sounds more like the last straw than a one off event.

gandalf456 · 07/02/2017 14:38

I'd be annoyed at that. Firstly, for him hinting it's my driving and, secondly, for not listening to a perfectly logical explanation. If a tyre that is supposedly fixed, your assertion stands to reason so his correct response would be to suggest that one of you book it in, not to be told to.fuck off

ChicRock · 07/02/2017 14:44

This sounds like the last straw, rather than an isolated event.

So he takes you for granted, you do everything around the house, and the one thing he does do for you (sorting your tyre) he can't fucking do properly?

Take your car to the garage and get a new tyre fitted.

And then have a think about how you've got the point where you do everything around the house, and what you can start doing to change that.

DJBaggySmalls · 07/02/2017 14:47

He had no reason to blame you. Its clearly the wheel or the tyre, as its the same one every time. And telling you to fuck off was just nasty.
Stop doing everything. Its time to start thinking about what you want from now on.
And that starts with not being treated like a problem.

ohbollox22 · 07/02/2017 14:48

buy a new tyre?

gandalf456 · 07/02/2017 16:19

A new tyre and a new marriage, perhaps

DameDeDoubtance · 07/02/2017 17:13

You both work but you do all the housework, why?

missbishi · 07/02/2017 17:13

You asked what to do now. I would say maybe have a think about whether this is really about the tyre or is it actually a symptom of deeper issues? What has really pissed you off?

Euripidesralph · 07/02/2017 17:18

I was in complete agreement with you even sympathetic until you burst into tears

Histrionics leave me cold as well and your dh still apologised

Bursting into tears and wailing "how could you be so rude" is not how a mature adult woman handles things which suggests there's more to this than your version

gandalf456 · 07/02/2017 17:21

Well, neither is telling someone to fuck off

Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 17:21

My DH has never told me to fuck off, but I can't honestly say I have never done it.

If it is a really out of character development it may be worth discussing further. Otherwise, he has apologised twice so you could let it go.

EmeraldScorn · 07/02/2017 17:31

In a heated exchange one party telling the other to "fuck off" is surely within the realms of normal given that it's an argument - It's immature yes but it happens and I don't think it's anything to cry about, as we all say things we don't mean when in these types of disagreements.

I think you overreacted because to be honest I would think it was your driving too if a tyre kept having the same issue; Never the less the issue has been blown out of proportion, he has apologised, that's the matter resolved!

Mrsglitterfairy · 07/02/2017 17:35

That's a huge over reaction on your part there op. He upset you in the heat of the moment and has apologised twice, you really need to let it go.
DH and I often tell each other to fuck off say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment as I'm sure every couple does and it's quickly forgotten about

Mrsglitterfairy · 07/02/2017 17:38

anxious I'm really glad you said that about your husband, was starting to think we were really abnormal for not being super nice to each other all the time

Original poster

Wildberries · 07/02/2017 22:13

Thank you for all the replies. I called a mobile tyre company and they came and change the tyre to a new one. The guy said that the stuff that had been put into the tyre melts the tyre from the inside and it shouldn't have been done.
Those who said that there are deeper issues are right. I used to work part time so didn't mind doing everything. But for the last six months I have been working full time. I still do everything and nothing has changed for him although he encouraged me to get that job. I am feeling resentful.
May be I did overreact. I have always been sensitive. My parents never shouted at me. I hate arguments.

OP posts:

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