AIBU to want my sister to come and stay after my husband returns to work after his paternity leave?

[Tunapie]

I am pregnant with my second child and this evening I suggested to my husband that once he goes back to work after the baby is born, my sister could come and stay for a week or two. My mother died a few years before my first child was born and I found it emotionally very difficult that she was not around to see my new baby and also to come and stay as happened with most of my friends. My MIL came to visit everyday, however, which at the time I felt very intrusive as she didn't offer to help with anything but rather just wanted to hold the baby. She even stayed during a health visitor appointment despite my hints that she should go home. Whilst my family did come and stay for a bit, it was not for long and i was mostly on my own after a couple of weeks after a caesarean. My sister at that time was not able to stay for long, but this time she will be as she is taking a sabbatical from work and will be quite flexible. My husband has reacted badly to this as he says he wishes to have time to bond with the baby and also our eldest child and that my sister will prevent him from doing this. This is despite the fact that when he is back at work it will be from 7-7 most days. I understand his feelings to a degree, but I also feel that I will need the support more at that time than he will need the time to bond. I also know that if I'd asked his mother to stay he wouldn't have a problem with it. Can anyone suggest a way to deal with this? I want my sister to come but not sure if it's worth it if my husband is in a sulk the whole time then holds it against me years later.

If it was alright for your husband's mother to come and lounge around the place after you had your first child, then it is also acceptable for your sister to come to visit as well - The bonus being that your sister will actually be of use and help you.

It must be a daily thing on here where I'm reading numerous posts from women saying their husbands have decided what is best for her/the children.... Hmmm, you want your sister to visit, you need some help, ignore your husband!!

Do what is best for you and the children - Your husband will have plenty of time to bond with the new baby, he is simply coming up with excuses to prevent you from making a choice of your own.

I'm really sorry about your mum and your husband should understand that having your sister by your side for a week or two would be extra special on the basis of your mum's absence; He's being selfish and really unreasonable.

Stick to your original plan PLEASE, have your sister to stay!

I think you need to stand up for yourself more. Tell him you need this help and support from your sister, don't ask or pussyfoot around him. Yes this is his new baby too but if there's a time in life to be selfish and look after you physically and mentally, this is it. He can bond over the night wakings for that week if he's that concerned 😉

Totally agree with EmeraldScorn.

Yes another one here entirely in support of emeraldScorn comment. Your DH does not get to veto or dictate the help you arrange for yourself during the early weeks when he is working.

Its utterly unreasonable of him to deny you available support just so that he can have some exclusive 'baby' time for an hour when he gets home at night. If he is that concerned he can take the baby and shut himself in one room (whilst you and your sister spend some extra time watching DVD with chocolates with the older sibling. SImilarly suggest his mother confines her visits to these bonding periods instead of wanting to be waited on whilst you juggle both children.