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Original poster

To try this with toddler?

54 replies

littlem133 · 05/02/2017 06:23

DS3 is 2 this month. He always used to be a good sleeper but since Christmas he's refused to go to sleep in the day, is problematic to get down in the evening and wakes throughout the night. DH and I work full time shifts and have two older children. We've tried cutting his day nap, leaving him to cry, and now generally sleep on his floor throughout the night hoping it's just a phase. It's a long phase now. I've got him to sleep yesterday afternoon by sitting on his floor by the door with my back to him and crept out after a bit. What do I do at night though-sit on the floor again each time he wakes?! He woke at 5.20 this morning (which is a good long chunk of sleep for him) and I'm still sat by his door with my back to him whilst he's stood in his cot! I'm full of cold and exhausted!

OP posts:
user1485706893 · 05/02/2017 08:35

There's a sleep regression at 2, it was the worst one for my daughter so I feel for you. Try to keep things as normal as you can and hopefully it'll pass. Saying that my daughter had pneumonia a while back and as a result we're back into staying with her until she sleeps again, before then it was a story and n'night and shed put herself to sleep. Oh well!

backtowork2015 · 05/02/2017 08:37

Have you tried a gro clock or light on a timerswitch? In the mornings he doesn't know when getting up time is and this might encourage him to not call out and to wait. I would try the short nap in the car method for afternoons if you're sure he still needs it

Igottastartthinkingbee · 05/02/2017 08:39

I've also come on to question the questioning of a two year old in a cot. Mine is 2yrs3months and I've no intention of taking her out of a cot yet. Also, DS was nearly 3 till he was out of a cot.

Anyway, going back to the original issue, I'd try dropping the nap altogether OP. Maybe not everyday to start with just see if it makes a difference. DD rarely naps anymore and it's made the world of difference to her night time sleep.

Igottastartthinkingbee · 05/02/2017 08:41

She started to drop the nap just before she was 2 btw.

user1485706893 · 05/02/2017 08:44

I should also add that my dd hasn't napped since 18 months (not through lack of trying) you could try dropping the nap and putting yours to bed earlier. My dd goes to bed between 5:30 and 6 and wakes up between 7 and 8

Blackbird82 · 05/02/2017 08:53

Mine is still in a cot and he's 22 months! He will not be coming out of it for the foreseeable future either......far better that he is contained!

Have you tried really tiring him out during the day? Lots of walks, parks, fresh air? Mine is like a dog, he needs lots of exercise and then come the end of the day he is exhausted. It's tiring but it works!

Original poster
littlem133 · 05/02/2017 11:31

I understand that 5.30 is a usual time to wake up but it's not usual for DS3. He usually sleeps 7.30 to 7 each night. I tried cutting his day nap as the other two DSs stopped theirs naturally at 15 months but he's so tired all day without a nap and a full nights sleep. I don't want to get in to the habit of co-sleeping (learnt my lesson from ds2!) and he expects me to sleep on his floor now so I need to cut that habit. I remember spending an agonising 2 weeks with DS1 (pregnant with DS 2) doing the controlled crying and it paid off! It's not so easy this time though as there's 3 other people in the house listening to his screaming which is why I thought I'd try the retreat method. I appreciate all the support and knowing that it's usual at this phase! I am indeed exhausted and currently nodding off at soft play!!

OP posts:
Cel982 · 05/02/2017 16:05

I understand that 5.30 is a usual time to wake up but it's not usual for DS3. He usually sleeps 7.30 to 7 each night.

But sleep and wake times change constantly throughout the baby and toddler years; the fact that he was sleeping til 7 a month ago doesn't mean much. In my experience nap transitions (i.e. dropping from 2 to 1 or 1 to 0) always suck; it sounds like that's what's happening now. I'd stop trying to get him to sleep during the day - he will be tired and cranky for a few weeks, but he'll adjust. Co-sleeping is what works for us at night (I don't agree with sleep training at all) but I appreciate not everyone is a fan.

Frazzled2207 · 05/02/2017 16:18

Mine is 21 months and tbh when he wakes very early we put him in our bed between us. He goes back to sleep eventually 50% of the time.

However a friend's dd started getting up for the day at 5.30 am and is still doing it at 4 😩. Worth seeing if he'll drop the nap, plenty do by 2.

Original poster
littlem133 · 06/02/2017 09:54

Bit of an update for those who are interested-i got him to sleep by putting a cushion outside his door and telling him 'mummy sit down' on the cushion. Success! He then woke twice in the night wanting me to pick him up and when I said 'mummy sit down' pointing at the cushion again he laid himself back down and let me leave the room. Of course I went back to bed and didn't sit on the cushion! I deem that to be some success. Thanks for all the support on this thread!

OP posts:
splendide · 06/02/2017 09:59

Glad it went a bit better!

I did a bit similar with my two year old. He used to shout CHAAAAAAIR at me (he means "please sit on that chair for 45 minutes while I dick about and don't leave until I am sound asleep") and one night night I just said "oh I'm not allowed to sit on the chair but I'll stand just outside your door" and that worked! I presume he thinks I literally stand outside his door for 12 hours.

I wouldn't drop the nap personally - we nearly did at about 2 because he was suddenly sleeping so little at night. Rocky few weeks but he's now back to 12 hours at night and 2 in the afternoon. Really glad of those two hours!

Original poster
littlem133 · 06/02/2017 11:02

That made me chuckle! The thought of my lovely mum still stood outside my bedroom door every night is a bit freaky! I think I'll let him nap when he needs it. I'm at work mon- fri anyway so it's not up to me but the various other care givers!!

OP posts:
splendide · 06/02/2017 11:06

Same actually on the Mon-Fri - and it does vary but we asked everybody to try to keep the naps up. He now does an hour at my mum's, about 90 mins at nursery and 2 hours at the weekend and when DH has him in the week.

The other day he slept for 2.45 at nursery though! I felt like asking for a refund.

Olympiathequeen · 06/02/2017 11:45

DS2 sleeps in a cot converted to a bed and if he wakes in the night usually trots in to us and gets in our bed. We all sleep. Not ideal but I don't care.

Frazzled2207 · 06/02/2017 13:19

It's totally ok to ask nurseries etc to limit naps to a certain time. Ours is under strict instructions not to let ds sleep for more than an hour and there are several other parents that request this. You are paying for them to look after your child not watch them while they sleep.

Dizzywizz · 06/02/2017 17:10

Ds2 (2.3) sleeps 7-5ish, 2hr nap but after some 4am wake ups we are trying a 1hr limit to naps and have had wake ups between 4.50-6.30 am so are sticking with it! He is at nursery 3 days and pmy parents one - have told them all 1hr nap, didn't cross my mind not to.

insancerre · 06/02/2017 18:02

Frazzled
I won't wake sleeping children in m nursery
I think the needs of a child trump those of a parent and if a child is sleeping, it's because they need that sleep

StrangerThanMe · 06/02/2017 21:23

You would rather your child missed a much needed nap just so you get your money's worth? Confused

OnceIWas7YearsOld · 06/02/2017 21:34

Really?! Our nursery has a policy that it doesn't let them nap for more than two hours. I'm not entirely sure why. But DD only ever naps for 45 mins - 1 hour anyway so has never affected us.

splendide · 06/02/2017 21:44

I was joking about the refund!

I don't mind how long he sleeps at nursery - once picked him up at six and he'd been asleep since three. He didn't go to bed until midnight. That was a one off though!

mumwithatum · 06/02/2017 21:47

All of my 3 kids have gone through this stage. And different techniques worked for each child.... believe me we tried most techniques!!
It's hard as you want to minimise the impact on older kids and still be there for them too.
As for getting up at 5.20... that's normal for some kids. To those of you who wouldn't accept that I salute you as I have never got my kids back to sleep if they are ready to get up at that time... only succeeded in waking up the entire house.
Good luck with sleep Op. is there anyway that you can ask DH to take a turn so that you can get some sleep? Or give your son toys or books to play with in his cot for some quite a one?

SnotGoblin · 06/02/2017 22:08

At 0520 (or 4, or whatever) my 19 month old pads into my bedroom. I haul him into bed, shove s boob in his mouth and we all go back to sleep until my 3 year old arrives at around half six. I work full time and am not sleeping on the floor for anyone.

I've always fed them to sleep until around 15 months where it's cuddling and shushing and patting.

I'd have killed myself and the toddler by now if I had to sit up next to a cot hoping they'd go back to sleep.

Sabsy1 · 06/02/2017 22:39

My friend went through similar recently and they had to sleep on the floor, as little one was screaming for 3-4 hours a night. It lasted about a month and it was a hell on earth, they tried everything.... but nothing worked. Then it just stopped suddenly. Little girl has changed altogether after that period, she is confident, talks, no longer shy, it seems like she had a growth spurt.
She will be 2 in a few weeks.

kmmr · 06/02/2017 23:00

We went through a 5.30 wake up phase recently. It wasn't worth the annoyance of trying to get him back down when he was clearly wide awake. For no reason I can identify we have now jumped to 6.30-7.30.

At 2 we had AWFUL sleep, and an awful mood too, for about a month. It was the molars arriving! Once they popped through he improved massively.

My DS is almost 2.5 now, and we have turned a corner with sleep and settling recently. Maybe over the last 2 months, but it has been gradual. I was sitting for ages beside him, which kept him awake as he was so careful to keep an eye on me, and find a new way to make sure he didn't let go of my hand. I told him I was going out to get a book, my phone, etc, and went for longer and longer (leaving the door open a crack) before coming back. And now he seems ok with it. I stand outside the door and poke my head in a few times 'I'm still here, go to sleep', and he shuffles himself to sleep.

Oh, and he is still in a cot for sure! I will remove the side soon as he is climbing out, but he can stay there for a good while yet.

Good luck! Hopefully it improves soon.

Original poster
littlem133 · 07/02/2017 06:33

I'm still very reassured this is a horrid phase then at this age. Night update- he was up twice in the night:both times he was content with us 'lying down' outside his bedroom and self settled back to sleep. I must have failed to inform DH that he actually didn't need to lie in the hall though as he did for about an hour GrinUp at 6 which, although early for DS, is fine by us.

OP posts:
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