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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A shared driveway one - who was BU?

73 replies

iknowimcoming · 04/02/2017 13:00

We live in one of 3 houses which share a single lane driveway (not long btw, in a housing estate). Last night DH came home to find he couldn't get down the drive as next door was having supermarket delivery. The driver had reversed into their drive but was sticking out on the drive so as DH couldn't get past. DH waited for 6-8 mins and then realised that the driver hadn't even knocked on the door so was clearly going to be some time.

So he left his car at the top of the driveway (blocking it) and unloaded the car of our food shopping and brought it in the house, not wanting our frozen stuff to defrost. He assumed that at the point the delivery truck was ready to leave, driver would come and knock on the door.

Anyway fifteen minutes pass and I'm upstairs, DH downstairs, when I hear my mobile ring, I shout to DH to see who it is, but it goes to voicemail before he gets to it, but sees missed call is from ndn (she and I are friends) and assumes they need him to move car so goes to do so.

Whilst walking up driveway ndn shouts out to him, how dare he block the driveway!! DH explains frozen food etc, she says he should have waited, he says he did wait initially, but it was too long, she says it couldn't possibly have been more than a minute. DH says how would you know you were inside and the driver hadn't even knocked your door yet!

She stomps off indoors before DH had finished his sentence, slams door. I come downstairs, listen to voicemail message, from which it is clear that she is very angry and that DH is totally in the wrong!!

DH comes in fuming and we are both baffled as to how it's apparently ok for her driver to block the drive but NOT OK for DH to do the same.

Had it been me I would have knocked on the door and said sorry you couldn't get down the drive, the driver has finished now could you please move your car. No biggie! However, I suspect this will be a friendship ending event, she has form for a very quick temper, sadly. So oh wise ones who WBU?

OP posts:
JamieXeed74 · 04/02/2017 13:46

Your DH was at fault, he should have knocked at delivery drivers door and asked him to budge up. You can't block access to a public road and leave the car there unattended. How was delivery driver supposed to know who owned the car blocking him in never mind which house to knock at.

Funnyface1 · 04/02/2017 13:47

I think your neighbour is definitely in the wrong but if I had been your dh I would have asked the driver to move straight away. She's got a nerve your neighbour though!

WeAllHaveWings · 04/02/2017 13:53

Don't get why your ndn is so angry, but your dh was very unreasonable.

If he could see the driver wasn't unloading he could have asked him to move so he could get past, he could have said to him he was unloading shopping and would be back. I don't see why anyone would unload their shopping, then leave their car, going indoors knowing they'd blocked the van without having a conversation with the driver. Your dh was either being awkward, passive aggressive because he couldn't park, or selfish/self absorbed, none of which are particularly nice traits.

LadyLapsang · 04/02/2017 13:56

Was there space on the road for your husband to park without blocking the drive? If so, he should have parked. If not, he should have just asked the driver the move to allow him access.

SavoyCabbage · 04/02/2017 14:02

I don't understand why your dh didn't communicate with the driver. Either before he unloaded the shopping or even after when he realised the bloke still wasn't ready to leave yet and that your dh was blocking him in.

TheWitTank · 04/02/2017 14:07

Your DH went about things a really odd way. Why didn't he just ask the driver to move as he was blocking the street? It would have taken a minute for driver to get out of the way and reverse back in again. Could he not have unloaded the shopping and gone back out immediately, knocked at NDN and said to give you a shout when the car needed moving? NDN was ridiculously over the top, but your DH was a bit of a plonker!"

Lweji · 04/02/2017 14:08

Your OH could easily have asked the driver how long he was going to be, or asked him to move, or tell him to ring the house when he was done.
That's what words are for.

She is also being unreasonable for being angry to start with. No need to be. Again, she just needed to ask.

Jellybean83 · 04/02/2017 14:10

Your DH should've explained he had shopping to unload and ask the driver to give him a shout to move the car when he was ready to leave. Was he really sitting for 6-8 minutes though? 1 min can seem like ages sitting stationary in a car so it's easy to exaggerate and think you've waited longer than you have.

Sirzy · 04/02/2017 14:15

Why did your dh have to park blocking the driveway?

The layout of houses here is such that when neighbours are getting deliveries I often get blocked in. If I come in and can't get on the drive I either ask the driver if they can move for a second or park on the road until they have finished.

Rachel0Greep · 04/02/2017 14:17

Your DH sat waiting in the car for 6-8 minutes and realised that the delivery driver hadn't knocked on the door yet? What were they doing, having a staring competition?!

Grin see who blinked first!

JamieXeed74 · 04/02/2017 14:20

Is this what men mean when they say 'cock blocking'?

Floralnomad · 04/02/2017 14:22

Your husband should have just asked the driver to move so he could get past , and if he didn't want to do that for whatever reason he should have parked somewhere else so as not to block the drive . It comes across that your husband was trying to make a point about the drive being blocked for him in the first place .

jazzandh · 04/02/2017 14:24

I've got a nutty neighbour like that...who cares where DH left the car. It was on the driveway.

If the driver couldn't get out (and presumably it would have been obvious) the neighbour just had to point him in the right direction and presumably it would have taken a minute to move the car.

We have a a shared drive which is single track and if I can't get passed a driver then it's a nightmare to reverse back down it - so i would leave the car (probably give the driver a shout to be fair) and then when he was ready to go, we can manouvre around to pass ....

The ndn is just being a pain - it wasn't really anything to do with her unless the driver got stroppy.

OlennasWimple · 04/02/2017 14:26

Pretty much every delivery driver I have come across has been happy to move to allow access when asked. Especially if he hasn't started unpacking. Why didn't your DH do this? And why on earth did he think it was OK to go inside and stay there rather than going back out to the car when he had finished unpacking?

NDN was over the top in her reaction, though.

MyWineTime · 04/02/2017 14:35

If you have a shared driveway you need to talk to each other, not behave like a twat as your DH did.
The reaction from NDN may have been excessive, but your DH's behaviour was deliberate.

Original poster
iknowimcoming · 04/02/2017 14:36

I also think DH should have asked the driver to let him past and said so, but DH said the guy was unloading so he assumed it wouldn't be convenient to move at that time.

No they weren't having a staring contest Grin DH was sat in his car and driver was coming back and forth to the truck each time looking at DH but not acknowledging him, which was what pissed DH off.

There is nowhere to park outside the driveway without blocking one of our other neighbours in. Re the thing about being legal to block someone out of a driveway but not preventing people accessing the highway, of course the truck driver was also blocking me and my next door neighbours in the driveway thus preventing our access to the highway as of course was dh! The daft thing really is had he refused back two more feet he wouldn't have blocked the driveway.

Not an excuse but dh had had a really bad day so wasn't as patient as he normally is, the three houses have had the same owners for over 10 years so we all usually get along quite well without difficulty, but this is, in part, down to us having overlooked this particular neighbours vast overreactions on odd (in both sense of the word) occasions.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 04/02/2017 14:38

How about:

"Sorry NDN, there has been a misunderstanding. Although the delivery driver only takes a minute to deliver to you he was parked outside blocking the driveway for xx minutes before he knocked. DH thought he was being polite by not asking him to move. We were actually a lot more inconvenienced by this than you were, but appreciate that the actions of the delivery driver are not your fault and would not have dreamt of mentioning it to you. "

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 04/02/2017 14:38

FWIW, I think both were in the wrong.

DH did more than just pull up to unload the shopping didn't he? He unloaded the shopping & then went inside & shut the door! He was being bloody minded about being prevented from getting to his own parking space. The decent thing would have been to either unload your shopping & then move the car temporarily onto the road OR just speak to the delivery driver & say "hi, I'm at number 3, just knock when you're ready to leave."

Your NDN was definitely being very unreasonable to react the way she did. It should have been obvious to her why DH couldn't get to his usual parking space. She should just have knocked & politely asked one of you to move the car so that the delivery driver could leave. No need for the nastiness at all.

If you buy a house with a shared anything I think you do need to be able to give & take a bit. Neither DH nor NDN were being particularly neighbourly.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 04/02/2017 14:41

x-posted with OP.

Your estate sounds very like the one I live on - shared drives a plenty but no on street parking.

It's a nightmare around here when somebody has a party of any sort - cars abandoned on bends, junctions etc. etc. Your real enemy here is whoever planned the estate Wink.

Lweji · 04/02/2017 14:49

Not an excuse but dh had had a really bad day so wasn't as patient as he normally is

It's not a matter of patience, but communication.

diddl · 04/02/2017 14:54

"And why on earth did he think it was OK to go inside and stay there rather than going back out to the car when he had finished unpacking? "

I don't understand that either.

" He assumed that at the point the delivery truck was ready to leave, driver would come and knock on the door. "

Why?

"each time looking at DH but not acknowledging him, which was what pissed DH off."

Good grief! How daft does that make your husband sound!

Sirzy · 04/02/2017 14:55

Why didn't he just say to the driver "I have blocked you for now but just knock when done and I will move"

MirabelleTree · 04/02/2017 14:56

DH was in the wrong and so was neighbour. He should have said to delivery driver where he lived and asked him to give him a shout when he was finished and he'd move the car. Then either go in and have a cuppa or carry the shopping down if he felt the need. This is how it used to work with our shared drive and all was peaceful for 14 years , though we now have our own drive.

Although the neighbour reacted badly this is now the time to build bridges and not let it escalate. Bunch of flowers or something and an 'I'm really sorry, had a bad day, will handle it differently next time'. Last thing you want is any issues as will not help when you come to sell.

EweAreHere · 04/02/2017 14:57

For those saying the husband had done something unlawful (blocking the delivery truck driver in) while the delivery truck driver had not, you don't know that.

There were probably other cars parked up on the shared drive, too, on it or in garages, including the NDN's car(s). Just because they didn't want to get out right away doesn't mean they weren't blocked in, too, if they were home, which they may well have been.

It's happened to us and neighbors before when 3rd neighbor has a grocery delivery that has done this. There are usually up to 7 or 8 cars up the shared drive parked in front of or in their respective garages; having a delivery truck blocking the entrance part of the drive is not well received!

Chloe84 · 04/02/2017 14:58

Could we have a diagram?

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