The school were. My daughter is at a very similar school, and we've often had the same sort of thing. I think they're so busy, with unexpected things happening all the time, that they don't have a complete idea what's going on. I often get calls to say my daughter has walked out of school, and that they'll ring me when and if she returns. No one ever calls me back, but I ring her and she's always on the (very small) playground somewhere, just taking 5 minutes when something has upset her (e.g. Someone has been violent to her, or she's witnessed another student or member of staff get hurt.). She always goes straight back to class.
I get calls about once a week telling me they don't think my daughter has taken her medication. Every time I say no she hasn't. She stopped taking it in June under medical advice. This week I had a call saying she was very dark around her eyes, had she taken something? I spend the day a nervous wreck only for her to come home and tell me she'd lost her concealer (the cat loves small things that roll, and he'd knocked it under her bed), and not worn make up that day. Things really seem to be blown out of proportion.
I get calls every single day, usually more than one and I wonder how other parents cope. It's mostly office staff, who are great, but a couple of the teachers are a bit irritating. One always mentions my daughters autism and when I tell her she's not autistic she says I'm very defensive. I probably am a bit, but she isn't autistic, what am I meant to say? We've had the same conversation maybe 20 times, but it doesn't seem to sink in.
I feel really sorry for your friend. Is there a chance of her son going back into mainstream school or being educated another way? My daughter is in year eleven so only has a few more months left. I've been really positive towards the school up until recently, but am just counting down until she leaves now.