to give friend's 1yo a birthday present...?

[parentsvsPIL]

Slightly awkward situation.

Friend (DH's work colleague) has kid turning 1. We didn't find out when the kid was born, DH found out some weeks later via work people. At that point I had just had a very traumatic miscarriage & then got pregnant & felt horrendous, so I really wasn't paying attention; and DH was being a bit socially blind & didn't think about the fact we really should have given the kid a present to say "welcome". By the time things had settled down it was a bit ridiculous to give them a welcome baby present.

Friend has subsequently passed on lots of her DC's clothes to us, and gave our DC a present when he arrived. We wrote a very effusive thankyou card and have said thakyou in person many times. We've had lots of coffees and catch-ups in the last few months.

Today we hear that all our mutual friends have been invited to friend's DC's first birthday party, but we haven't.

Ergh. Giving the kid a present is going to look passive-aggressive, but we're really digging ourselves in deeper and deeper as horrible people, if we ignore the kid's birthday, now that we know when it is!

WWYD? Present, handed over at work? or pretend we didn't know about the party and ignore it all?

I'd give a small present and card and wish little one a lovely day. Its a nice thing to do :)

I agree, gift and card. Pretend to be ignorant to the party - I can understand they'd be miffed if they didn't know what you were going through but the fact you're getting clothes and toys for your DC off of them makes me think they're maybe not too mad? Tricky one. You'd think if they were mad they'd have nothing to do with you.

Sorry about your previous situation

A little gift and card would be lovely, I think.

I'd give a present. As a friend it wouldn't be weird to give him a gift and not necessarily be invited to a party.

Of course give a gift! Don't tie yourself up in knots about it, it's a nice thing to do

Definitely give a present if you'd like to. I don't think it's at all pa.
After all, they have given you clothes and a present - which they wouldn't have done if they didn't like you.
I think you are over thinking this. Could there be another reason you're not invited to the first bday?

Give a present. Either hand it over at work or post it to them.

Don't over think it.

Definitely on the side of don't over-think and just send a nice card and a little present.

THanks everyone, present sorted