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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset about something that I found out about today, even though it was 2 years ago?

21 replies

Heartmum2Jamie · 26/02/2007 21:01

I went to the GP's tonight to get them to write a letter to my employer confirming that they did indeed write 2 sick notes for me at the begining of 2005 (as my employers are claiming they overpaid me and are asking for alot of money back....I am currently on a career break)

Anyway, whilst I was sitting there, the GP turned the computer screen towards me so that I could also see what he was looking at. I said that I thought I may have made an appt to get another sick note that I had to cancel due to ds2 being in hospital, so he was in a screen showing phonecalls. The GP went silent , as if he was debating something with himsef and then pointed out an entry dated 27/01/2005. It stated that the surgery had recieved an anonomous phonecall suggesting that I was purposely witholding feeds from my son. At that time, my ds2 had not long been classed as failure to thrive, was 7 months old and just 14lb and not eating any solids as I couldn't get him to take them. We didn't know that anything was wrong with ds at that time and just 10 weeks later, he was diagnosed with a severe heart defect and needed urgent open heart surgery., hence the reason we couldn't get hom to gain weight.

I am absolutely devestated that anyone could think I would/could do something like that to my son. Anyone who has ever seen me with him, knows that I worship the ground that he walks on. It is basically accusing me of a form of child abuse . Now I am also wondering what else my notes may say about me or my parenting skills. I have been wracking my brains about who would have reported such a huge lie, but can't think of anyone.

Am I being unreasonable to be so pisssed off and upset?

OP posts:

madrose · 26/02/2007 21:06

no, i would be very upset to read something like that.

did you say anything to the gp?

kimi · 26/02/2007 21:06

I think you have a right to see all your notes.
This is alfew, im so sorry.

fransmom · 26/02/2007 21:06

no you are not
you also have the right to see all of your patient notes altho not many docs will speak about this. i am so sorry that you are going thru this, i experienced nothing like that but a former "friend" accused my dp of abusing me, even tho it was her sister's husband hitting her sister.

how is your ds now?

llareggub · 26/02/2007 21:07

No, not unreasonable at all.

Ask for access to your notes. Am surprised that this was never followed up though.

Blu · 26/02/2007 21:18

How very very horrible.
You must have been worried out of your mind at your baby's failure to thrive, and worried even further when the real cause was diagnosed.

Hope that the person who did this is now shrivelled with guilt and remorse and choking on thier own bile...if they knew you well enough to know that your baby was having problems gaining weight, they will have known you well enough to know about the subsequent diagnosis.

They will have earned their own guilt, let them stew in it, and you can move on knowing that you have taken the best care of your child.

nikkie · 26/02/2007 21:36

Ob looks like GP didn't believe it anyway.I would be upset and pissed off but that person must now realise they had done wrong and hopefully will think before they act nex t time.

kickassangel · 26/02/2007 21:39

i can't even begin to imagine why someone would do this - the charitable view is that they were concerned by seeing a baby who didn't thrive & thought it was 'for the best'. the fact that you were oblivious just shows how the professionals must have realised that you were being a great mum & that there was a medical reason for this. finding out now must be hard, but it is in the past, and whoever was concerned must have long ago realised their mistake. just seems very, very odd. try to get over it - it is so long ago, and they were so wrong, it's as if it happened to someone else.

Rhian101 · 26/02/2007 21:45

Oh my God! I am so sorry that this has happened. Whoever made the complaint is an ignorant bstrd who saw your child was small and blamed you. I would be devastated. Don't worry about who it was as they must have felt like the most horrible person in the world when they heard your ds's diagnosis. They will have suffered, don't you worry. My heart goes out to you.

Original poster

Heartmum2Jamie · 26/02/2007 23:03

Thank you all. I am still feeling quite tearful, but I will try and put this behind me. I am sure that IF it is/was someone I knew well, they will have felt guilty as hell, but nowhere near as bad as I did at that time.

I didn't say anything to the GP, I was too stunned to say much after that and just wanted to leave as quickly as possible to lick my wounds.

Nothing was ever mentioned to me at the time and social services were never involved, so I guess that they didn't take it seriously enough to follow it up. I may still ask to see my notes though, don't see why I shouldn't, I have the full set of ds's and in a way, it is about him.

Fransmom: He is doing well now thanks! His surgery was a success and although he does have other issues with his heart, everything is stable right now! It never stops me from worrying though

OP posts:

edam · 26/02/2007 23:10

Glad ds is doing well. And you have every right to feel angry and distressed - it must have been a hell of a shock. I do hope whoever it was also knew about the diagnosis and has been feeling very, very guilty ever since.

If I were you, I think I'd ask for a copy of the record, and I think I'd insist on adding a note linking the unsustantiated allegation to the diagnosis. 'In fact it emerged that child x had a severe heart defect affecting his growth, diagnosed 10 weeks after this anonymous allegation was made. Failure to thrive was organic and not due to any other cause.'

Are you relieved in a way that the doctor told you? I think I would be, rather than having this note sitting there without my knowledge.

Original poster

Heartmum2Jamie · 26/02/2007 23:38

Yes, I am glad he told me. i have no idea what made him show me, but I am glad. I would hate to think that it could have been there for years and years with other people seeing it and saying nothing to me, but possibly judging me because of it.

Does anyone know if it is possible to get false alegations removed from my records? If not, I like your idea of getting something linked up about ds's conditions. He also has multiple food allergies.....just to make life interesting He's still on the small side, but proportional now, following the 9th centile with the help of a little dietary fat supplement!

OP posts:

wotzsaname · 27/02/2007 00:32

I would let your GP know next time how much this has upset your and that your are glad it has become to your attention, but you are anxious about it on the records as it was someones opinion (which was incorrect) and Not True Medical Fact (or words similar).

'glad it has become to your attention' dont mean glad as in happy as i know you are not.

wotzsaname · 27/02/2007 00:35

cr-p typing sorry too many yours and you ares. Here again.

I would let your GP know next time how much this has upset you and that you are glad it has come to your attention, but it has made you anxious about it being on the records as it was someones opinion (which was incorrect) and Not True Medical Fact (or words similar).

'glad it has become to your attention' dont mean glad as in happy as I know you're not.

dionnelorraine · 27/02/2007 08:51

How awful! But the authorities obviously took no notice as social services would have probably contacted you?! So to be honest that person has made a fool of themselves and I hope they feel really guilty! Do you have any ideas who it could be? Just reading this makes me And yes you have every right to see your medical notes. I have a feeling there is a small admin charge. Not sure.

suejonez · 27/02/2007 08:56

I would feel devastated too but I think you are doing the right thing in trying to move on from it. I think the fact your GP showed you indicates that he does not beleive it had any truth to it. I would however tell him that you were upset by the allegation next time you see him - he may expand further.

Horrible to think that someone took the decision to do this but perhaps they were genuinely worried and didn;t know you well. (Being generous to them!)

catrionasmum · 27/02/2007 09:04

i would definitely suggest this should be removed fromyour record,often whole notes are requested by law firms etc and why should you have a malicious letterin your notes- i would talk to your gp about it- i would delete if it was me and i am a gp.we didn't put unfounded stuff inthe notes wheni was working( at home withno 4 at present)

Glassofwine · 27/02/2007 09:08

Entirely understandable reaction, ;you are bound to feel upset, but please don't let it get to you for too long. It's not worth it.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 27/02/2007 09:16

Hi hun - sorry I've not been around much.

You've every right to be upset. I was bloody furious when I saw what had been written about me in dd notes. But I understand that this is different as it's an anonymous accusation. Someone was obviously worried about ds, which is fair enough, but why not report it as just that and not an out and out accusation?

Your GP obviously didn't believe it at the time otherwise they would have acted on it (maybe that they did act on it and the HV came around for an extra visit, saw it was rubbish and let it be). But I would go back to the GP and have a chat with him about it. Ask to have it removed and if that's not possible to have him put a note alongside saying that this was ignored as it was judged to be a malicious accusation.

Ds's medical history since is proof enough that it was a load of rubbish.

BandofMothers · 27/02/2007 09:17

Well you've every right to be upset, and you're being calmer than I would be. I'd be looking at everyone I know and wondering. I'd probably be asking people too.
And I'd be asking for phone records to see if there was a no I recognised and all sorts.

Judy1234 · 27/02/2007 09:18

Ask to have it removed from your records and at the least for you to add your own note to it commenting on it.

In principle I do think that if any of us see a child we think might be ill or at risk we should do something about it even if we're wrong. I'd rather put my foot in it than stand by and do nothing BUT clearly any allegations should be put to the parent then to deal with them.

Thcc · 09/04/2023 23:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

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