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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you'd deal with this karate teacher's behaviour

36 replies

buckeejit · 02/02/2017 22:22

Dc karate class (all 3 yr olds so not exactly serious more socialising, balance & exercise), the teacher is very nice, however, a few times when a child has been acting up or not listening, he lifts a jokey fist clench to the child like he's ready to punch them!

I've not said anything although I know it's a joke to him but obviously don't think it's appropriate. The children seem to think it's funny, doubt if any of them have been victims of violence at home. All other parents (4-8 children in class) are watching on the sidelines.

So, wise MNers, how would you approach this should it happen again? He's a nice guy and been teaching for 18 years, maybe used to teaching older kids if that matters. I'm expecting responses from, 'meh, as long as he doesn't follow through' (more or less what DH said), to 'call the police & get him struck off'. Grin

OP posts:
Crazycatladyloz82 · 02/02/2017 22:26

My karate teacher did this when I was a kid. We all loved it. He also used to jokingly threaten to chop us. We lapped it up. Guessing it must be a sensei teaching gag.

doubledecker1986 · 02/02/2017 22:31

Honestly, you need to unclench.

It's really not a big deal.

It's a bit of fun between a teacher and his students. It's clear he's joking, they laugh, everyone moves on.

How exactly do you want to 'deal' with him? Have words with him? You can't seriously be thinking of telling an adult, experienced teacher that you don't think his jokey fist gestures are appropriate. In a karate class.

mambono5 · 02/02/2017 22:34

In this context, a martial arts classes, I can't see what the problem is. He seems to know what he's doing with young kids, which is great.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 02/02/2017 22:35

I wouldn't do a single thing about it. I agree with pp you need to unclench.

Damia · 02/02/2017 22:38

I guess the real question is - if the kids ignore the jokey fist and continue to mess about does he discipline them properly? And presumably without hitting them?

Totallypearshaped · 02/02/2017 22:40

Buckeejit, I think you should deck him if you can Grin

I think if the kids are ok, then let it slide, but it might have triggered something within you Flowers

HemanOrSheRa · 02/02/2017 22:42

DS does taekwondo and his instructor is always doing stuff like that. He also calls them silly/wrong names and oftem shouts 'What do I hate?' The kids all shout back 'CHILDREN'! They absolutely love it and I have to say he is an amazing teacher, makes the training great fun and knows his stuff (as far as I can see). DS loves going. He'd go every evening if he could.

Crumbs1 · 02/02/2017 22:46

I'd write a letter to the sports centre manager, shout at the instructor, remove child from lessons and refer to safeguarding team.
Really?

Original poster
buckeejit · 02/02/2017 22:47

Haha, love the 'what do I hate' thing.

I'm surprised as thought MN would be in the 'how dare he' kind of camp. I'm not clenched about it but I do feel a bit uncomfortable, maybe because I'm expecting my older ds who watches to start doing it to me when he's regularly displeased with what I say! It does generally go against everything I repeatedly tell them about good behaviour.

Maybe next time I'll jump up & try to deck him-attacking him from behind while screaming 'don't you dare threaten my dc!!!'. Then we'll see how fast his blocks are!

OP posts:
VocalDuck · 02/02/2017 22:47

I'd put on my pearl necklace so I could clutch it during the lessons! Grin

anyname123 · 02/02/2017 22:49

Call 101

HemanOrSheRa · 02/02/2017 22:52

I think the thing here is that at some point, if they stick with it, the children will be sparring and encouraged to hit and kick each other. So a jokey 'watch out' shake of a fist isn't so much of a problem.

ClopySow · 02/02/2017 22:53

Unclench my friend. If it's smiles all round, just leave it.

But defo run up from behind and see if he's any good at the blocking and throws and stuff.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2017 22:57

As long as he's not shaking it in their faces, I can't see a problem.

Most kids know the difference between a comedy fist shake and a serious one. It's normally all to do with the person's facial expressions etc.

GinIsIn · 02/02/2017 23:02

Another vote for unclenching - it's a class to learn punching and kicking so a joke fist shake is not something to worry about!

allchattedout · 02/02/2017 23:04

Yeah, call 101 to log it in case of future incidents. Also, maybe your MP.

You might also want to rethink the martial arts thing if a clenched fist gets you all bothered. They teach them to kick and everything there.

ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing · 02/02/2017 23:06

Cancel the check that you used to pay for the lessons!

Ipsie · 02/02/2017 23:07

Another for unclench. Amazed you're worrieD about it. If your DC ever do it to you simply explain calmly that what some find funny others don't and you don't find it funny. My brother takes his kids to martial arts and the instructor there often threatens all sorts that would probably have you fainting!! All parents and kids love it. It's a joke and all know it. My brother I did witness domestic abuse. Still doesn't bother us. If you do have a problem tell the instructor- he will either say thanks for letting him know and stop or suggest you find somewhere else for your dc

Original poster
buckeejit · 02/02/2017 23:10

Thanks all, message received. Out of interest if it wasn't a martial arts class (as they're only 3, they don't really know what they're doing other than looking forward to duck duck goose at the end), would any of you feel any different?

OP posts:
FireInTheHead · 02/02/2017 23:39

It's about context, it's about choosing your audience, it's about being inside a comfort zone, it's about the person. Lots of gestures can be seen as offensive/threatening/rude but depending on the situation can also be seen as mild jokes. DH often says to me "I'll kick yer ass". I tell him 'try it then sleep with one eye open buddy'. He says it to the grand dc if they're tormenting him, they turn around and wiggle their little butts at him then run away screaming with laughter as he pretends to chase them. He says it to our cats when they sharpen their claws on his leg or sit in 'his' spot, they roll their eyes and carry on doing whatever it is they want to do. It's a joke, his joke, he'd never kick anyone's ass unless it were to stop someone else harming a vulnerable person or animal. But if some aggressive stranger shook his/her fist at me or threaten ended to kick my ass yeah I might feel a bit intimidated and threatened. Kids do know the difference -some adults could do with learning the same thing.

ToastyFingers · 03/02/2017 00:49

DP teaches a kids martial arts class (not karate though) and they all love kicking and punching him, and being kicked and punched. One of their favourite activities is being whacked with a pool noodle.

If the kids stick at it, they'll be actively encouraged to kick and punch each other, so a raised fist really is nothing to worry about.

GinIsIn · 03/02/2017 03:36

But it IS a martial arts class. If it wasn't then you don't know he'd have done it so it's pointless to look at it out of context!

KateDaniels2 · 03/02/2017 07:45

My kids kick boxing instructor does this. The kids adore him and his wife who also runs classes and does the same.

As they get older, if they don't take the jokey 'pay attention' they get 20 push ups. Which works a treat and still doesnt upset anyone.

Tbh if it easnt a martial arts class and the person doing it had a rapport with my kids and the kids thought it was funny. I still wouldn't mind.

KateDaniels2 · 03/02/2017 07:47

Oh and also if your child is doing it in a serious way and you don't like it try and explain the context or tell him its not something we do outside class.

FruitCider · 03/02/2017 07:53

You are taking a child to a class based around fighting, and you are upset with the teacher making a contextual joke? Sorry, I've missed your point entirely.

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