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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To liken Toddler Groups to Hell on Earth

43 replies

Izzy82 · 02/02/2017 20:27

So, I often read on parenting websites how amazing toddler groups are for socialising and making new 'mum friends'. So where on earth are these mythical toddler groups because the ones where I live are hideous.
They generally consist of cliquey groups of mums standing around chatting and completing ignoring their toddlers (who generally run around feral) or childminders who dump 3 or 4 kids in the mix and swan off to drink tea. Maybe im going to the wrong ones or maybe it's just me.
I find them quite soul destroying. they are even worse at the moment because the weather is so shite that there is nothing else to do.
Did anyone actually meet a lifelong mum friend at a toddler group they attended

OP posts:

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 02/02/2017 21:18

Actually yeah - 2 lifelong friends made from meeting at a toddler group when pregnant with our first children. 23 years later and we have 10 between us. And can honestly say I don't know what I'd do without them !

Camomila · 02/02/2017 21:24

You just have to find the right one I think.

I go to a lovely church hall one, run by the volunteers (older mum/gran types), £1 per session, home baking and tea for the parents and fruit for the DC, crafts for the older children and a big safe baby area. Then a story and a few songs.

I don't particularly go to make friends though, I'm happy with polite chit chat about the dcs. It's nice for breaking the day up and for DS to play with the other babies/different toys.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 02/02/2017 21:35

My local toddler group is the complete opposite of the cliquey crap - down-to-earth, really supportive and hilarious for the kids, who get to charge about a village hall running amok for 2 hours for £2. Somehow nobody ever gets hurt, you just keep an eye on whoever's running past and tell them off as you need. There's also a WhatsApp group, and folk bring anything useful to the group to pass on to whoever wants it. Kids puking on the Christmas bouncy castle was a highlight, it just got cleaned off while everyone tried not to piss themselves laughing.

We are mega-rural though. Everyone here lives in the sticks - having been to an urban group, I do wonder if that plays a part.

Dahlietta · 02/02/2017 21:38

I went to a toddler group once. Never again. I went to soft play once. Never again. People tell me I'm missing out (not even my DS, me). I am positive that I am not. YANBU.

Zoflorabore · 02/02/2017 21:44

I met someone who turned out to be a complete lunatic, we were great friends as were our dd's, she became clingy and needy, ringing me 20 times a day, copying my clothes, hair etc.

Then she copied me when I started a college course and finally accused me of having an affair with her partner who in the nicest possible way is ugly and a nasty person. That was the final straw

I left my course which I was upset about but had to distance myself from her, I've had a lucky escape.

Her partner confided in my boyfriend and told him tons of stuff that would break them up for sure ( cheating with men and women being one ) but I'm not that spiteful to tell her.

Playgroups are nightmares, so glad dd is at school now.

sotiredbutworthit · 02/02/2017 21:54

Toddler groups and soft play always reminds me of "lord of the flies" ........

mummypeepee · 02/02/2017 22:04

Also are all child minders nose blind? The smell of sh!t is often enough to force me (allow) to leave!

quarkinstockcubes · 02/02/2017 22:06

I've never been to one, but if I did go it would be to dump the kids whilst I swan off drinking coffee and MNing

Ruprecthepanbasher · 02/02/2017 22:07

I loved toddler groups and soft play! I met friends at my post natal group when DS1 was 8 weeks old and 12 years later they are my best friends. We have nights out, weekends away and we go on holiday for 2 weeks in the summer with one couple. All the men get on too, we genuinely met our lifelong friends at that baby group so it can happen!

Deadsouls · 02/02/2017 22:08

I never thought they were amazing but rather a place where my baby could go and wander about safely with lots of toys. I didn't really socialise with other mums at the time. And yes found them rather boring.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 02/02/2017 22:10

Probably depends on the group. I've been to a few that haven't really clicked but then you kind of find your tribe and feel at home.

I turned up one the other day with my child. Had a great time, it was mayhem but most other Mums (and Dads) were "like me", some friends were there and some people I've met at various classes so I spent the vast majority of the time catching up with everyone. I spent about 30 seconds having a breather at one point and the group leader came to talk (assuming making sure I felt included). Lovely group were the hosts worked super hard to make everyone feel welcome.

SallyGinnamon · 02/02/2017 22:18

The one I went to was great with some organised activities like craft and singing but mainly free play. I still go away with mums I met there.

Mcchickenbb41 · 02/02/2017 22:19

I think I struck gold with my one. And I have been to few different ones in my time. One I went to which was run by a local church and at the end they did a bible story with puppets. No problem with that but had a massive problem when the story teller lost the plot and asked us all to keep the babies and toddlers quiet during the story ! Never went back. But the one I go to now really is lovely and welcoming. No one is left sitting alone unless they want to be that is. They do loads with the dc and I will really miss it when we stop going

DesignedForLife · 02/02/2017 22:20

You've got to pick your group. I've been to some where no one will talk to you, but will happily give you the up and down and judge. But I've been going to one for a couple years where I've made some pretty good friends

Spudlet · 02/02/2017 22:26

I went to our local church one and it was ok. £1.50 with toys, crafty bits, tea and a biscuit for me and a massive snack for DS. I didn't get to talk much to anyone as I was pursuing DS (who was determined to crawl into, onto, under or just straight through every dangerous and / or mucky thing he could find) but everyone was friendly enough.

Soft play is the germ infested work of Satan, however.

CanaryFish · 02/02/2017 22:34

For a good toddler group you need at least one very good 'bubbly' outgoing person who will cajole all the kids into clapping hands or such and herd the lone mothers Into one group where they can talk.

Unfortunately I'm not a person like that. So I shouldn't really complain. But I will anyway :D

The one time I went to a toddler group it was dire. Absolutely brutal. I never went back.
It's advertised as "come and have a coffee while the children play" yes that's right everyone bugger off into a back room and fart around with hot liquids and shovel biscuits in your gob while 2 year olds are left unsupervised with someone's older brothers (why were they even fucking there) who've decided to ram them all with a ride on fire engine.

I've since met the three who run it in external settings (their kids going to same activities as mine) and I've ascertained they are only involved in the toddler group because it looks good on CVs and gets them known in the community. Plus they talked about the group in front of me while rolling their eyes about it.
No people skills, standoffish, bullying and rude. And their own kids are the same.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 02/02/2017 22:38

I'm in the minority as I absolutely love both. I've been to lots of playgroups and some have been naff so I just didnt go back but most have been lovely. I also absolutely love softplay. Lucky though as the local one here is very clean and the staff are fab. I have 2 soon to be 3 young children, none of which will be at school for another 6 months or so and then I will still have two at home all day. Without playgroups and softplay I think I'd have lost it

Bubbinsmakesthree · 02/02/2017 23:02

I go to a local one just because it's five minutes walk from our house and it helps get DS used to larger groups of children but it's very average and I've barely had a conversation with another adult - there's a few cliques and I've never got beyond the casual 'how old is your DS?' type chat.

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