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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

terrified at trying for a baby at 38

46 replies

ambereeree · 02/02/2017 19:22

I want another dc, my dd is now 15 months but i so am terrified of not being able to get pregnant again, miscarriage or other age related issues; it's putting me off trying. Has anybody else felt like this or am I being a bit mad and overthinking?

OP posts:
Singasongofsadness · 03/02/2017 00:57

Bumping

Bloopbleep · 03/02/2017 01:02

I'm 41 and pregnant with my second. Took a bit longer and there was a mc on the way but all is well now and so far it's been easier than my first.

MrsCocoa · 03/02/2017 01:43

Your chances won't ever be as good again as they are now - so all other things being equal, it is a great time to try! Sometimes thinking about what you will regret most can be helpful?

LittleLionMansMummy · 03/02/2017 02:13

I'm just turned 38 and had dd 10 weeks ago. Fell pregnant within 3 months of coming off the pill. It took 2 years ttc ds when I was 32. There doesn't appear to be any rules for an individual's fertility! Dsis likewise gave birth to my niece when she was 38. She was an IVF baby but dsis had known since 19 that she'd need IVF to get pregnant so it wasn't age related.

Orangebird69 · 03/02/2017 02:18

I conceived naturally at 39 after 13 months of (sort of) trying. Trouble free pregnancy

Orangebird69 · 03/02/2017 02:19

Oops. Good delivery at 40. Gorgeous baby boy.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/02/2017 02:21

38 is no age. I had an mc at 22, so. It can happen any age. Being young is no defence, and being old is no bigger risk.
I was blessed with my dd 19 months after the mc.
My mum's friend had a baby when she was 46. It was the best thing that ever happened to her. Yes she was shocked, but. She's absolutely thrilled to bits with him now.

SingingInTheRainstorm · 03/02/2017 03:00

Lots of women have their first in their 30's or those with big families have the last child in their 40's. I understand it's a worry, I pray to God nothing bad happens, I honestly can't see why it would.

CheerfulYank · 03/02/2017 03:03

My SIL had her first at 39 and her second at 41 with issues I'm aware of :)

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/02/2017 03:32

Older not old. Blush, sorry

Katedotness1963 · 03/02/2017 04:54

Had our youngest when I was 38.

shins · 03/02/2017 06:00

You'll be fine. I had my third child at 38 and it was definitely more tiring but everything was normal besides. My only MC was aged 23.

Ohbuggermebugger · 03/02/2017 06:17

First baby at 42, second at 43. First took 12 months second was first month of ttc. Both pregnancies were healthy and deliveries straight forward. As long as you look after yourself e.g. eat healthily, gain weight steadily, even women in their 40's can have a good pregnancy. (It's really not that old) :)

lilyborderterrier · 03/02/2017 12:35

Don't be if you want to try for another one do it. I'm 10 weeks pregnant with my planned 2nd baby. I will be 39 in June. I was 35 when I had my daughter in 2013.
I'm so excited more so this time around.

Morphene · 03/02/2017 12:47

I'm going to go against the trend. I think it is very wise to think through the consequences of what might happen before deciding to do anything, let alone try for a baby.

If you think a miscarriage would devastate you then it is perfectly reasonable to not get pregnant even if in an ideal world you would like another baby.

Try to go through the possibilities that worry you and assign an impact and probability to each.

For me the risk of hyperemisis and/or miscarriage is nearly enough on its own to make it not worth the risk because the impact of both of those on me personally would be huge. If I add in the chance of another traumatic birth and PND then the balance clearly comes out in favour of it not being viable.

BUT: you won't have the same risk factors as me, you won't have the same impacts if those risks are realised. You also don't have the same desire for a child that I do.

I am absolutely not saying you should reach the same conclusion as me, but I do think it is very worthwhile sitting down going through all the outcomes and seeing if it is actually worth the risks for you personally.

PacificDogwod · 03/02/2017 13:54

I think it is very wise to think through the consequences of what might happen before deciding to do anything, let alone try for a baby.

I don't think that that advice is against the grain of this thread.

It is the most personal of decisions whether to take the risk/s, absolutely.

Vanillaradio · 03/02/2017 14:06

You don't know till you try. I had ds at 37 got pregnant first time. Now 40 and have been trying for a few months with no success but I know 2 pregnant 40 year olds and a lady who had twins at 47.

Morphene · 03/02/2017 14:35

Maybe pacific there is a lot of 'just do it!' and 'you'll be fine', 'no need to worry'

I don't think a desire to have a baby overrides the potential risks automatically and a lot of people are expressing that opinion.

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick · 03/02/2017 14:43

I had DD at 37, got pg the very first month (much to DP's disgust). Now trying to talk him into a second at 39, but I need to lose weight first.

I know so many people who've had babies with no problems at this age, honestly it really isn't the big deal that we make it out to be in our heads. However, if you are worrying, why not go for a fertility MOT first?

anonymice · 03/02/2017 14:48

I hope my post did not come across like that!! I considered the risks extremely carefully. I am disabled myself, and considered that I would test for all syndromes (which I did) and decide what to do if tests came back high risk (which I did). I also questioned my age, income, capacity to work and support my child. I definitely knew risks to the baby's health were elevated. That said, and in the light of what I knew, I went ahead. I don't think the OP is proposing to proceed any differently...

anonymice · 03/02/2017 14:50

I mean I hope I did not mean 'just go for it'. I am not sure I know many people of any age who have done so.

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