To wish people would stop telling me to be grateful for what I have got?

[Catscatsandmorecats]

To start, I know these people are actually only trying to be kind, I just find this phrase particularly hard.

I have had 6 miscarriages now, one before DS (2) and 5 since. It has been a tough time and has really brought home how important family and close friends are to me, especially DS and DH. DH and I had lovely childhoods with siblings and would like DS to have the same, however that may not be, and we have accepted that.

I have become more and more aware that time with my little family is so important and I am so lucky to have them. I am changing job to allow more family time.

However, lots of people when they find out my situation tell me I should be so grateful for what I have. I AM grateful, possibly more so than I was before. I know so many people are struggling with so many things. However, It feels as if they think the losses don't matter, the hormonal, mental and physical impact of being pregnant then not pregnant over and again doesn't exist and I should just move on. I wish I could shout at them I AM GRATEFUL !!! And do you know what you can be sad and grateful at the same time.

I am making changes in my life to benefit our family and certainly not stopping us from living, we are very active and have a bloody lovely life :) So I don't think the odd times I do feel sad are making any impact on my family.

In fact the one thing that actually makes me feel really bad is when people say this, I know they mean well but AIBU to wish they wouldn't?

Just read back through comments posted since I began writing my post and one refers to people who have not had a successful pregnancy either through failed ivf or through miscarriage. I am very mindful about how many people are childless against their wishes. I know that before I had my DD if I heard someone talking about their distress at not having a second child I would have felt angry because they at least they had one child. I didn't know then, of course, that the desire for a second child would be just as strong as for the first.

I know a woman who wanted children, thought she couldn't have them, became pregnant later in life, then suffered a miscarriage. She doesn't really talk about how that makes her feel, but I have enough experience to imagine. I choose not to talk much about my DD in front of her, it would feel like I was rubbing it in.

Yanbu. People do try and shut down conversions they feel uncomfortable with, and telling you to be grateful is just another way of doing that. They also want to 'save' you from the pain so feel that by shutting you down, it will remove you from painful feelings.

Good luck with your journey - maybe try to find your own 'shut 'em down' statement that you can reel off, then walk away.

Thanks Cats. You sound fab too!