To find working with 2 young DCs so difficult?

[Wootle123]

I am looking for work at the moment, I have been out of work for 2 months as I left a role due to the commute (too long to fit around childcare hours). DH works full time and is paid daily so taking time off is not ideal. He earns good money so it is just possible for me not to work and we can 'manage' but it's far from ideal financially and won't work long term. I feel a lot of pressure from him and society and friends to work. I also want to work for my mental health and enjoyment / career progression. I quite enjoy my job and am at quite a senior level where I can earn reasonable money.

I have two DCs aged 5 and 2.5yrs. One in school, one in nursery. Since September (school term) we have had 10 bouts of illness between them. Some of these fell in school holidays/weekends so I was either off work anyway or at least DC1 didn't miss school. With each of these illnesses there has been at least 1-2 days of not being able to attend childcare. Some things e.g. Chickenpox obviously required me or someone to care for them for over a week and no school/childcare attendance. They eat really well (good diet) and DC1 at least has good hygiene at school as I have drilled it in to her...nevertheless lots of illness.

Next week I have managed to get 3 interviews, I have worked really hard to get these interviews and feel pleased to have done so BUT now have DC1 off school again with a tummy bug and I would imagine DC2 may catch it (and possibly me!). DH will, if he has to take a day off, but he isn't keen to and I can't ask family because they will not look after poorly children who are contagious due to health concerns. This is totally fair enough and I wouldn't expect them to but what does everyone else do?

I am starting to wonder if it is actually possible to hold down a full (or even part time or freelance) job without constant stress of kids being ill / needing emergency childcare? I am genuinely interested in how people manage this? Perhaps we are just unlucky with DC1 in that she does seem to catch everything....but I have found it much harder since the arrival of DC2 as we just seem to have double the amount of illness as they catch from one another!

Has anyone found any sort of solution to this or got any words of advice. I feel a bit of a fraud going to interviews knowing that I will always need to take time off to care for poorly children.

I have an agreement with DH that we take it in turns to take time off work for children's illnesses. That way, no one's boss gets too pissed off with them.
I get that your DH is paid by the day but I'd suggest he take the financial hit sometimes in the interests of allowing you to maintain your income.

This is why I don't work! We could use extra money for sure but I think if you don't have family to help (we don't) then it's a complete nightmare. To be honest, I'd rather have less cash and not have to worry about childcare and juggling to keep everything running smoothly.

Absolutely agree that if you can get dh to step up, try to continue your career. Makes sense financially (think ahead to pension?) and mentally! As with a pp, I've worked full time and part time, now sahp - it largely drives me insane and there's a lot of resentment on my part. Not his, as his job has been largely unaffected by having children!
My job required my physical presence, dh reluctant or unable to compromise on his (beloved) career, no family help....I ended up leaving work as while he was working away so much it was incredibly stressful and full on. I doubt I would be able to work my way up to a similar position when the kids are older. So, if at all possible, stick with it!!

Nanny instead of nursery. Plus she can do school drop off/pick ups so you can work longer hours if needed.

You shouldn't have to ask your DH to parent his child if they are sick. He will have to take his turn in taking time off work - why should it be you?

Dh and I share childcare when the kids are sick - sometimes we swap over at lunchtime. We have no family support but have been relatively lucky with illness (thank god they both got chicken pox when I was on mat leave!). To be honest, as a manager, I do get pissed off by employees who are the default person who stays at home with sick kids. Fair enough if your husband is a brain surgeon, but if it's remotely feasible for him to stay at home then you should definitely share the load.

DH also does not get paid if he has to take a day off to be with the dc if they are sick. And he works in a very male environment which does not understand that fathers are parents too. He already gets shite from them for leaving on time in the evenings to collect the dc (he has early starts so I do drop offs, I have late finishes so he does pickups. But you know what happens when the dc are sick? We take it in turns to be off with them. That's how it works.

Ds3 goes to a childminder. She'll still have him when he's poorly unless it's D&V or something like chicken pox, or if he's just miserable and needs to be at home snuggled up with a parent.

If nanny seems a bit spenny do look at nanny share. We did that very successfully. Great nanny plus the children got some socialisation with other children too. Cuts costs in half.

I feel for you OP it's really hard. DS was so poorly his first 18 months in nursery, it was a really hard time but DH and I took it in terms to take time off and my fantastic mum stepped in many times too.

Thankfully since starting school DS has barely had a day off. A friend has a live in au pair for her school & pre-school aged child and this has massively eased the burden on her & her DH. Might be worth considering.

Hasn't rtwt, sorry if this had been said.
I have stopped tummy bugs from being caught by the whole family by using anti back wipes on taps, bathroom for handles and look flush, and changing the towel every 10 minutes......
Really works.

I think, with your DH, you need to encourage him to look at the bigger picture financially - yes, he loses a day's pay if he takes a day off work but even if he did that 10 days a year, it's still almost certainly (unless he earns mega bucks) the case that you'd be better off financially than if you're not able to work because you have to do all of it.

Notinagreatplace, that is an excellent point! Thank you. He does not earn that 'mega bucks' that's for sure, definitely worth me working and we are hopefully probably talking more like 3-4 days a year (each) i guess now that we've all had Chickenpox!!!