WIBU to ask my lecturer out for a drink?

[seashores123]

To clarify before anyone has concerns, I'm a postgraduate student, I'm 25, he's 30.

I'm on a MA course at an institution where he also lectures undergrad students. Can't say I thought anything of it at first but I have built quite a good friendship with him and I'm starting to sense some flirtatious behaviour.

Would this be totally and utterly unreasonable? Or do you think it's ok for postgraduate/older students to date staff?

Wait till April because he may say no even if he wants to because of the implications for marking your work.

Also get a hotplate

I would wait until the course is over before making a move. I teach undergrads and have had to report a couple to my convener for over-familiarity. I know everybody is different but I personally hate getting 'hit-on' at work, especially as I am early in my career and just getting used to establishing a level of authority with students.

He shouldn't be flirting with you, knock it on the head.

I know a lecturer who was fired for this reason. He ended up in a relationship with a student. He taught a block of lectures and she asked him out after these lectures had finished. He had no other official contact with her but the relationship between student and lecturer was seen to be an abuse of position.

Plus, it's a cliche.

It's a cliche in the league of secretary falls in love with boss, or pool man shags lonely housewife.

I used to be a lecturer.... wait until April. it's on that far off anymore.

There will almost certainly be a code of conduct--my uni does not allow lecturer-student relationships. They were commonplace when I was an UG in the 1990s, but I haven't heard of any for about 15 years now. I would find it a bit weird.

euphemia I'm an academic and DH is 'normal'. It makes me unusual in my department and elsewhere. People express surprise when I tell them my partner is not an academic. Add in the fact we have 2 DCs and he's a SAHP and it makes me a freak in academic circles.

Eek I'm worried now that I've been out of line, but I'm sure that the flirting has been mostly on his end.

Either way I'll wait until at least the end of term

Then he's not very ethical. And doesn't have good boundaries. I might swerve this one altogether...

Yep, give him a miss.

I'm in the don't do it camp too. I'm also a lecturer and I'd really not be comfortable if a student asked me out, however friendly I'd been to them at department functions.

When I was a postgrad, lots of the postgrads dated each other but none of us dated the academic staff. Several of those postgrads are now married to each other. DH and I met while we were both postgrads (at different universities). We were friends with lots of the academic staff but there was a clear and unstated line. One of my fellow PGs dated an UG in our department at one point and we were shocked - the HoD was not impressed either.

On the other hand, one of DH's colleagues has been having an affair with one of his PhD students (co-supervised by his wife who works in the same department). It's a hideous mess. I certainly now think of the cheating husband as a cliched slimeball. However too many of the colleagues are busy trying to sweep it under the carpet because he is supposedly an Important Professor whose actions must clearly be excused on account of his brilliance. The other PhD students are livid as they'd really felt she was getting special treatment over them and now they know why.

I'm having a real sense of deja vu here! I'm sure there was a thread just like this, maybe a year ago? I wonder if that was a happily ever after....

Another one for wait until the end of term and the marking has been finished and then ask him. It isn´t long to go now and you should concentrate on your exams!

He probably does it every year then.

It's unethical. You might feel like his equal but he knows more than you do. Can you honestly say that his position of power / knowledge isn't part of what makes him attractive? And if it is, it's unethical.