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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that I'm being asked to clean up after myself

52 replies

user1485982179 · 01/02/2017 21:05

Slightly misleading title, but in effect that's how I feel. I rented a room from a landlady at £600 a month including bills. Also said in the ad it included 'everything' - weekly cleaning, house hold bits and bobs - the works. When meeting landlady she reiterated it was essentially an air b&b package I was paying for and all I had to worry about was keeping my own room clean, everything else in the house she would take care of. Showed me the dishwasher that 'I didn't have to worry about emptying as that was all included'. Top rent in my area is £450 a month for this kind of room so I felt the extra I was paying was fair. The reason I wanted this situation was that I had just left an abusive home situation and really needed to look after myself for a bit.

Of course since moving in everything has changed. Despite listing her job in the advert, it emerges the landlady actually hasn't worked 'for years', and thus is home all the time, making it a bit claustrophobic and awkward. Yes I know its her home, but I wouldn't have taken the room if she'd been up front about how much she would be there. I'm constantly ticked off about things and have now started avoiding her. I've been steadily asked to do more and more, including taking out bins, sorting the recycling, and emptying the dishwasher, just so she isn't 'the one doing it EVERY single time'. Yes I know I should clean up after myself etc, but I was paying extra so I wouldn't have to! I feel like a lazy student for being annoyed about it, but I could be paying over a hundred quid less a month and then I'd be happy to clean up after myself. I'm torn because the room is lovely and the area is perfect and right now I'm enjoying being in a safe environment, but I'm also feeling really ripped off and resenting the extra money she's getting for nothing.

Sorry for the long post. I guess I'm not quite emotionally healed yet and so I'm not trusting my own decisions. Please don't have a go at me for being lazy, I'm just looking at this from a business perspective.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1485982179 · 01/02/2017 23:11

Thank you again everyone. You have really made me smile

Interestingly I just left my room and found my sainsburys pizza box that I put in the recycling box last week has been taken out and left against my door. I think she has taken the rest of the recycling outside but left my box for me to take out. No idea why. I'm guessing I have done something wrong but I can't work out what. It's amazing how stressed it can make you feel when things like this are going on. It is silly but I am now doubly glad to be leaving. Thank you again

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 01/02/2017 23:23

argh FFS how irritating and petty!

Blow off steam here any time while you arrange your move

You get to move on - it'll be history for you in a few weeks, but she'll still be her petty self - think of it that way, you're the winner in the situation

livefornaps · 01/02/2017 23:24

Leave and don't look back. People like that just become more and more encroaching! I bet the rent is what she relies on as income so she added the "all included" clause to squeeze another hundred odd quid out of unsuspecting tenants. The phrase "she saw you coming" springs to mind - probably because you are a nice & trusting person! Good luck and I hope you find somewhere where you can be really at home soon x

TinselTwins · 01/02/2017 23:28

If I was in a place to have the strength to challenge it I'ld return the pizza box to a kitchen with a note reading:

"Am I right in assuming that all cleaning/rubbish disposal is no longer included in the package, in which case am I also correct in assuming that there will be a corresponding rent decrease to the market value of £450 which I believe is the going rate in this area for rooms that do not come with a cleaning service? Please confirm in writing if the room is still £600 with all cleaning and bills included, or £450 just including bills. kind regards you crazy mean lady "

Beeziekn33ze · 02/02/2017 00:01

I put pizza boxes in recycling if they're clean, not if DC have managed to leave too much tomato sauce inside! Maybe she inspected the inside and deemed it not clean enough! Don't worry about it.
Wishing you peace and happiness in the new home which I'm sure you'll soon find! Al, the best 💐

allchattedout · 02/02/2017 06:47

Interestingly I just left my room and found my sainsburys pizza box that I put in the recycling box last week has been taken out and left against my door. I think she has taken the rest of the recycling outside but left my box for me to take out

What a bitch and so massively passive aggressive. You need to get out of there. Also, anyone who lives with a landlord has virtually no rights. You are not a tenant legally because being a tenant means that you have to have exclusive possession. I wouldn't advise it. Also, as this woman proves, some live-in landlords are crazy and unreasonable. One of my friends lived with a live-in landlady about 10 years ago. She was told she could have a bath twice a week but no showers because they waste water (um, showers are much more eco-friendly than baths). She was not allowed the heating on, LL would regularly check her room to see if she had left lights on or forgotten to switch the plug off at the wall. It sounded like a living hell. She was desperate but only lasted about 3 months (which is 3 months longer than I would have).

CripsSandwiches · 02/02/2017 06:57

Of course YANBU (assuming you're not just throwing your rubbish on the floor and making an outrageous amount of mess), you're paying her extra to do the cleaning. That would be like her taking a job as a cleaner then feeling resentful that she's always the one doing the cleaning.

CripsSandwiches · 02/02/2017 06:57

She sounds so weird and unreasonable that she's unlikely to change if you confront her - just leave!

picklemepopcorn · 02/02/2017 06:58

In my area pizza boxes are not recyclable because of food waste. So she may not be being unreasonable about that.

As for the rest... I think you need to explain to her why you are moving, that you assumed the rent was high because all services were included. That she may need to price more competitively if she no longer wants to cover the extras.

allchattedout · 02/02/2017 07:14

In my area pizza boxes are not recyclable because of food waste. So she may not be being unreasonable about that

Yeah, not a dominos one where there has been a greasy pizza inside. This is a sainsbury's one which is just cardboard covering because the pizza inside is wrapped in plastic. Plus, even if it was in the wrong bin, a normal person would put it in the correct bin and maybe mention in, not put it outside someone's door in a passive aggressive manner.

zzzzz · 02/02/2017 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyHamster · 02/02/2017 07:27

She sounds weird. I wouldn't bother trying to confront her, just get a new place to live ASAP! Life is too short to live with people like this.

BabyHamster · 02/02/2017 07:29

zzzzz you didn't know that you can't recycle ketchup? Confused

zzzzz · 02/02/2017 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 02/02/2017 07:39

We've been told off by our recycling men before for trying to recycle pizza boxes. However as a pp said a normal person would put it in the other bin and perhaps just nicely let you know for future reference.

It definitely sounds like you gave made the right decision! Best of luck with it.

DameDeDoubtance · 02/02/2017 07:43

You've left one abusive relationship and entered another one, fuck that! I would write my notice on the pizza box and leave it for her to find.

joystir59 · 02/02/2017 07:49

Dear OP I have read the whole post and echo what everyone has already said- you have inadvertently fallen into another abusive relationship and I I repeat advice already given here- move out into a place that is really your own and in which you can have peace and heal. And I reckon when you look back later on you will see a link between the dynamic of the abusive situation you have left and this one with this passive aggressive landlady. Good luck OP! Flowers

Miserylovescompany2 · 02/02/2017 08:03

I agree with the other poster who said the LL is passive aggressive. Get out as soon as physically possible. This woman will get worse. She's probably got wind of you making plans to leave.

You'd been lulled into a false sense of security in the first instance. Had you known, you won't of taken the room.

Does your room have a lock? Or is she free to enter when you are not in?

expatinscotland · 02/02/2017 08:06

Really hope you get out asap.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 02/02/2017 08:17

I also had no idea you couldn't recycle tomato-y pizza boxes, or actually that food waste made stuff unrecycleable! Oops Blush.

Anyway, that aside, so glad you've made up your mind to leave, OP. Good luck!

Trills · 02/02/2017 08:28

Living with one other person is always risky.

Living with one other person who is also the owner of the flat is rarely fun.

Good luck finding somewhere else.

NightWanderer · 02/02/2017 08:41

Yeah, don't leave a note. Hang in there for a few more days and leave. Her life isn't your problem.

Gallavich · 02/02/2017 08:50

She sounds like a complete dick!
I do Airbnb and I have some longer term guests about to leave. They have paid over the odds for the room (in comparison with a regular house share) but in exchange they have had the communal areas cleaned weekly, tea and coffee available, all household bits available; loo roll, laundry liquid etc and most of all they can book week to week and didn't have to sign a contract. That's a real bonus for people who don't want a long term commitment. If you want to get on a tenancy agreement and be a flat mate rather than lodger then you should pay less.

NC1nightstand · 02/02/2017 09:07

Sounds very claustrophobic OP. Giving me horrible flashbacks to my housing situation many moons ago! Sounds like I had the male version of your friend's ll allchattedout! Grin You had to walk past his room to get to the kitchen and he would be sat on his bed in the dark and say nothing but there was a horrible oppressive atmosphere. Awful.
Literally the last type of situation you need OP. I Hope you find somewhere lovely you can just relax and be happy in!Smile
Flowers for your new place.

7SunshineSeven7 · 02/02/2017 09:08

It doesn't matter if the pizza box isn't recyclable or not. I'm guessing the normal bin is near the recycle bin so why not just put it in the other bin? Why go through the trouble of putting the pizza box outside OPs bedroom? Its passive aggressive.

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