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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I pursue these Child Support Arrears?

20 replies

Huskylover1 · 31/01/2017 23:04

Long story short, ExH, who is a Banking Exec, has somehow managed to convince the CSA that he earns £31k, when in fact he earns £132k. He has given them wage slips from his non bonus months. Both kids are now at Uni, so there is no child support ongoing, but should I pursue for back payment of arrears? It would amount to about £12k. Or should I just get over it, as they have now left home? For context, I am on minimum wage and bought everything they needed throughout their childhood and running up to Uni. Oh, and also, the day our youngest went to UNi, he went NC with me, for no apparent reason! God I'm aware this is a very, very boring post!!

OP posts:

DJBaggySmalls · 31/01/2017 23:06

If you can do that then yes, but don't rely on the money appearing. Good luck.

Rainydayspending · 31/01/2017 23:09

Do they count bonuses? I thought it was on basic wage? If it's not they'd ask for a p60 or equivalent wouldn't they?
I think I'd put my energy into trying to make contact with the child/ find out what happened. Because i suspect the csa wont give your situation priority (not that that is right). What a waste of humanity that father is dodging out on his responsibilities like that.

HeddaGarbled · 31/01/2017 23:38

Oh yes, I would definitely pursue it. Is it really only £12k when he's on £132 and you didn't get anything throughout their childhood?

FrogFairy · 31/01/2017 23:57

Yes claim the arrears.

Frankly I am shocked that they don't get earnings confirmed by HMRC.

IMissGrannyW · 01/02/2017 00:06

I'll get flamed for this, but I'll say it anyway. I'm not sure what you think you think you'd gain by claiming money for.

Aren't CSA payments about getting money to benefit the child? And you say yours are at uni? So what is the money for?

Your ex is an arse. And horrible. Buy why is back paying the money?

GallivantingWildebeest · 01/02/2017 00:08

Kids still need money when at uni, Granny. And why on earth shouldn't the op's rich, lying ex pay what he's due?

EggnogChai · 01/02/2017 00:09

Missgranny

She should go for the arrears as even though her kids are now at uni, the child support was supposed to be for housing, clothing, feeding etc and the OP paid for those things for her responsibility and his so she is owed the money.

FastWindow · 01/02/2017 00:10

The principle GrannyW(eatherwax)

Why should a high earning man hide his earnings over x years, so the mother of his dc has to struggle?

I think what the op has to gain by claiming is - money she needs.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 01/02/2017 00:12

I'm not sure what you think you think you'd gain by claiming money for

She'd get back the money he owes her. What are you struggling with here?

chitofftheshovel · 01/02/2017 00:14

Need more info to go on. How long have you been separated for, number and ages of children, any agreements in settlements about maintenance etc. This could be more complicated than OP has initially written about.

LoveDeathPrizes · 01/02/2017 00:16

I think I'd pursue it if it wasn't too much hassle - saves you a bunch of resentment.

I'm really sorry about the NC with your youngest.

Original poster

Huskylover1 · 01/02/2017 11:29

Sorry for the confusion - it's the ExH who went NC with me, the same day our youngest left for Uni.

I am in regular contact with the "kids", we thankfully have a great relationship. I think they can see that it's me that's done everything for them!

Contact with ExH, had only ever been about the kids anyway, but after youngest went to Uni, there were a few things I had to ask him, for eg:

How much pocket money shall we give them? (They aren't quite self sufficient as the accommodation is so expensive - £808pm!)

I also requested photo's (he has them all), to make up a nice folder for my DD 18th.

He would not reply to anything, very odd. The last text I sent was in September (asking for the photo's). He ignored this, and I had to ask my DS (at a local Uni), to get them for me.

The reason I think the arrears would be about £12k, is because the CSA have calculated that the arrears for the tax year ending 2014, are almost £4k. My case was only with them for 4 years, so if they add on another 3 years of under payment, I think it will be about £12k-£16k.

They used to stay with him a few nights a week, but the point is that I paid for absolutely everything throughout their childhood (post split). Clothes, books, private tuition for the youngest, school trips, everything they needed for Uni, etc etc. The only things he paid for, were meals when they were with him, and any holidays he took them on. And all this time, he was earning £100k + and I was on about £20k.

I asked CSA repeatedly to use HMRC for his salary, as he was giving wage slips from non bonus months, but they refused to do this. But for that one year (2014) they did, because he didn't send in any wage slips - bingo, that's when it came back that he earned £132k for that year. Even though, he still managed o convince them, that he earned £31k in 2015. With no role change! Doh! So, for 2015 and 2016, he was earning about £10k gross per month and paying me £160 in support!

I have referred my case now, to the Independent Case Examiner, asking for a re-calculation of arrears to be done, based on HMRC database, and I have no idea if they will find in my favour.

I guess I just wondered whether anyone else would do this, or will I look like I am money grabbing, given that the kids are both away now. I know that if he does get pursued, that he will tell everyone how awful and money grabbing I am. His family all went NC with me, the day I left him, so I guess I shouldn't care really. This is despite him cheating with 10 women, and them knowing this!They see me as the demon, because he was having a bit of fun, whereas I "split up a family".

Thanks all

OP posts:

pipsqueak25 · 01/02/2017 11:37

i wouldn't give a toss what other people think of me if i was in your shoes with regards to the money, you know the truth of what happened, nobody elses opinions matter, i would chase it up by all means, but as someone said don't count on getting any of it, look at it as an added bonus if you do receive something back, the dc obviously are able to make their own minds up about him, his family are not in the equation so they can all do one.

bibliomania · 01/02/2017 11:38

Of course you should let CSA keep trying to claim the money. Of course you're not money-grabbing. Of course he'll claim you are. You are not defined by what he says about you.

I'm angry on your behalf that you are the one who suffered financial hardship and have a bleaker financial future as a result of raising your dcs, but you're the one fearing condemnation if you try to get even a fraction of what you're owed.

Original poster

Huskylover1 · 01/02/2017 12:01

I know, it sucks He's so bloody tight, a liar, a cheat, oh and got a driving ban for drink driving after a night out, so I had to do all the running about for 2 years! Aargh!

OP posts:

bibliomania · 01/02/2017 13:47

I'm glad you've got the Independent Case Examiner looking at the case, and I hope you get a decent sum. For your own sake, don't spend too much time dwelling on it - far too infuriating. Try to forget about it for now and then let it be a pleasant surprise if you do get something.

liquidrevolution · 01/02/2017 14:30

I would do this. Even if I didn't need the money I would put it in an account for DC.

AgnesNitt1976 · 01/02/2017 15:56

I say go for it worse that can happen is that they do not find a discrepancy in his earnings

kittybiscuits · 01/02/2017 16:02

I would do it. What a pig. I don't know what's hard for some people to understand. He has lied and conned his way to depriving you and your DCs of the legal minimum financial support the state is supposed to force him to provide. I support strong sanctions for cunts like this. They have these in the USA.

Meluamelua · 01/02/2017 22:45

Of course you should do it. All the best

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