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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have hung up on DH

24 replies

Dontfencemein · 31/01/2017 22:32

DH is working away for a week. He left on Sat. DS2 (11 months) has been vomiting since Saturday night. I took him to GP today. He has an ear infection and probably a stomach bug. DS1 (3) has been vomiting all day. I am due back at work from maternity leave tomorrow and have had to call in and say I won't be there. I haven't slept much since Sat as DS2 wants to be held all night bless him. I will probably be vomiting myself tomorrow anyway.

I texted a brief update to DH and he then phoned (it's morning where he is). He kept asking how are the children in themselves, to which I had to say that they are sick and a bit miserable. He then randomly said "and I suppose you'll be wanting to take them swimming". Swimming? I didn't mention swimming. Why would I even think of taking either of them swimming when they are sick. I put the phone down before I said something I really regretted. Not very grown up I know but I took it as yet another inference that I wouldn't put their needs first. How would you have read that comment?

OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 31/01/2017 22:35

I would have read it as he hadn't been listening to a word you said.

Foxysoxy01 · 31/01/2017 22:36

I probably would have asked him why would I have thought about taking them swimming when they have projectile vomit in a very confused way Confused

DJBaggySmalls · 31/01/2017 22:36

Are you an actual mermaid? If not, it was...weird.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 31/01/2017 22:36

Hanging up is good.

GeekyWombat · 31/01/2017 22:37

Did he try and ring back?

TresDesolee · 31/01/2017 22:37

Yeah, that's a bit infuriating. Is he often stupid in the mornings?

Hope everyone gets better and you manage to get back to work soon!

Only1scoop · 31/01/2017 22:39

I'd have probably done the same tbh

Rainydayspending · 31/01/2017 22:40

I'd probably take from the question that h wasn't properly listening, perhaps showing an interest but not giving the call his attention. Did you respond before hanging up?
But you say an inference that you put your needs first. That sounds like there's a big back story there. Has he said this directly? Do you suffer with guilt?
My ex did a whole big pile of the infering shite so perhaps I am latching onto it.
Have you yet talked about the hanging up with him. What did he make of it?

RJnomore1 · 31/01/2017 22:41

Was he drunk?😕

gamerchick · 31/01/2017 22:43

Yeah he wasn't listening to you, paying lip service type of thing.

Hanging up was the least damaging option considering what you've had to put up with alone. Flowers

foxyloxy78 · 31/01/2017 22:46

Confused hanging up is good. How weird...

RaisinsAndApple · 31/01/2017 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muddlewitch · 31/01/2017 22:55

Very odd and I would have hung up too. Agree with PPs that it sounds like he wasn't really listening.

Hope you manage to avoid the bug and the DC are feeling better soon, you must be absolutely exhausted. CakeBrew

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/01/2017 23:10

I smell someone who doesnt want you to go back to work because it impacts him and would prefer you to stay at home with the kids. At least thats what I am getting from what you said about infering that you put yourself before whats best for the kids.

kittymamma · 31/01/2017 23:17

I'm not one to hang up on people myself. I often feel tempted though. My version of hanging up is "I'm busy, gotta go, bye" then putting the phone down. I would have probably done that in your position... So YANBU

HeddaGarbled · 31/01/2017 23:22

I'd have read it as accusatory and unsupportive and admire your restraint in merely putting the phone down rather than screaming at him Flowers

glitterazi · 01/02/2017 01:50

Why would he have thought they could be taken to swimming? Did they have swimming lessons scheduled for today?
Do you have a habit of taking them to places when they're poorly? Confused
Feel there's a massive back story missing here.

Topseyt · 01/02/2017 02:04

I don't understand why he would have said that! It makes no sense as you had just clearly explained how poorly they were.

Does he always talk in riddles? Never listens to what you tell him.

KittyWindbag · 01/02/2017 03:47

I don't blame you at all, he's not there, mopping up vomit through the night and worrying about what work will think of him for not showing up. I hang up on my DH when he's not really listening to me properly. I know it's childish but I'm only gonna have a conversation where both parties are actually present and saying helpful things.

MrsBlennerhassett · 01/02/2017 03:52

Idve hung up too. Better than having a long distance row!!
Just ask him what he meant by it when he gets back. Perhaps he was very tired and not really listening to what you were saying. Not that that is good but its less of an insult. I dont think you were being unreasonable to be angry at all.
Hope your all feeling better soon Flowers

Sprinklestar · 01/02/2017 04:17

I think it was pretty off of him to be away with work the first week you're due back in yourself. That's the action of a selfish man, right there.

AllTheLight · 01/02/2017 04:49

It was a weird thing to say, for sure.

Hanging up was understandable, especially when you are stressed and sleep deprived, but possibly it would have been more effective to say 'why would I take them swimming when they're both vomiting?' and make him explain himself. By hanging up you give him the moral high ground.

Hope they are better soon OP Flowers

Original poster
Dontfencemein · 01/02/2017 09:25

There is a back story of course but that would be for the relationships page. And no, I have never taken the boys swimming or anywhere else when they are ill, for their own sakes as well as to avoid passing things on.

DH says he said it because he's upset that he can't help us. Unfortunately he is the sort of person who struggles to deal with things going wrong and he tends to lash out at the nearest target.
Hard work and not something to be suffered gladly by me right now.

Agree that I give him the moral high ground by reacting emotionally. I think it's what he actually wants (it takes the focus off his own bad feelings). I fall for it every time!

OP posts:
MoonGeek · 01/02/2017 09:26

I would have hung up too
Also agree with sprinklestar, this is not a week for him to go away

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