To be a bit distressed with attitude of hospital staff? (whilst acknowledging how busy they are?)

[MrJohnsonAteMyCustard]

My elderly mother is in hospital at the moment - it's been a bad few weeks for her (and us!) and we're all of a dither. I'm bearing the brunt of dealings with medical staff and up until yesterday, everything was great - really couldn't fault the staff and people who've been looking after her.

Yesterday she was moved to a new ward. Every member of staff I've spoken to on this ward has been abrupt, occasionally rude and this evening downright obstructive. I'm very upset tonight anyway as an issue has arisen around important information not being passed along to the people caring for her (I only found out by chance) and we've had to involve the PALS service in the hospital. It's been up to me to liaise between many different units to ensure this information is known.

Tonight the sister on my mum's ward told me in no uncertain terms (in relation to the information I was passing along) "that information is not from this hospital". It was very definitely so as it was written on the day my mum was admitted

I am so upset and anxious right now. I have health problems myself and all this is really putting strain on my already limited ability to cope. I suffer badly with anxiety and having people being so rude to me when I'm being so polite to them is so upsetting. Every time I ring I start out with "I know you're very busy..." and similar; basically apologetic for bothering them. But it's my mum! I'm worried!

Am I unreasonable to expect to be treated with just a smidgen of compassion? (Especially given that I'm attempting to extend same to them, knowing how over worked and crazy busy they are).

Thank you for letting me vent

One staff member, to give her her due, was completing paperwork when I approached, and whilst she did answer a couple of questions, it was very obvious she wanted me to go away, kept her eyes mainly on her paperwork. I did find that rather rude.

OP, in my experience, nurses frequently complete their paperwork after their shifts have finished. It's the only time they have to do it. I think that there is a very high chance that her reluctance to engage with you was down to the fact that she was almost certainly not being paid to be there at that time.

The fact is that as taxpayers, we aren't paying for the level of care that is provided. Thousands and thousands of unpaid hours are put in by NHS staff everyday.

YANBU to want helpful staff who will engage with you and offer good care to your mother.
YABU to not realise that the blame does not lie with them.

Sometimes, very busy people get vexed by apologetic people. They see them as time-wasting ditherers. Perhaps getting to the point immediately would help. You can factor "politeness" into your tone (and facial expression if it's a face-to-face conversation).

I'm not making excuses for curt and dismissive behaviour, or for the fact that you were told an untruth about the notes. It's just a suggestion for a strategy.

I hope your mum feels better soon. Best wishes.

I don't disagree that the NHS and its staff are under huge pressure at the moment. Thing is, I was a hospital patient myself for significant periods between ten and twenty years ago. And the same things occurred. Not with all staff or on every ward, but these behaviours of being dismissive, being accused of being emotional/anxious/demanding, flat out denying things - they all happened then. So I really don't think it is the current environment that causes all this. I think more likely, as a poster said earlier, it's about the tone set by senior people (clinical staff as well as management) and the way that trickles down into care more generally. It's not just a recent development, and, again as others have said, some wards even under this pressure don't have their staff behaving like this.