AIBU - Has anyone had this?

[SingingInTheRainstorm]

I'll try and make it as brief as I can, but good bedtime reading or if you're bored. My friend bought something up which is getting to her still. I said one way to find out...

She had a DF who turned into DP and she got engaged. They decided that with her problems they would ttc after she had an operation. They moved in together, which was hijacked by her SIL not wanting them to have a better house. Her SIL wanted to know all finances, every house viewing, furniture choices & colour schemes. Some BF had never done before, so reasonably annoyed.
At some point with the excitement of ttc she let it slip but wasn't prepared for what happened next. SIL decided her plan to ttc had to be bought forward causing huge rows & her DH taking a bit of time out as he was against it.
BF got pregnant but had problems, was really worried, they let her have scans, meantime SIL going crazy ttc with OPK's and doing everything by book and asking BF for advice. On the final scan which confirmed pregnancy was over which SIL knew about, she calls her on the way back saying omg you've got to come round. BF more or less knew that it was ttc related, literally less than an hour after a scan she was presented with possible BFP's. Obviously she was excited for her but also a bit shocked at same time given the timing.
So SIL's pg is confirmed and she's still calling BF, she was that worried her first pg would end in disaster which there was no reason too, it made grieving quite hard. The Dr's were saying no to a scan until 7 weeks as no need, I think she felt this unfair as BF had scans from 5 weeks onwards. Anyway she made sure she got that scan and everyone was over the moon.
SIL's behaviour was affecting both her and fiancé. She started next cycle with tx and it was in her head that with SIL all along it was a competition to make the parents grandparents first. She even felt guilty for the temp split as if she'd not said anything out of excitement then nothing would have changed for SIL.
It was a really hard time for BF, when baby was born they went to the hospital, she noticed a change in her DH. When they visited and held the baby sometimes her DH would get upset, BF was given dirty looks like it was her fault. Which medically speaking maybe, but it's not a choice.

Eventually BF split from her DH, she was ok at first as it didn't sink in, then she was mortified as she married him thinking they'd be together forever. She even says now she took the vows seriously, she thought she was going to grow old with the guy. It was a huge shock, no children involved.
In a way she felt that it was proved blood is thicker than water, as at every turn she'd have SIL calling most days, making arrangements, he loved his nephew so much that he said he had to make him a priority which she didn't disagree with. The MC tests on them both proved inconclusive, so it was like they were stuck in limbo. I suggested adoption or surrogacy which she was ok with, but he didn't agree.
We talk quite a bit, she still has trouble getting over what happened. She blames herself, I don't think she should. I think it's hard as she was so in love and believed they'd get the fairytale ending.
Has anyone else had a SIL like it, or had a situation with a friend/family turning getting pregnant into a competition.

It's February tomorrow so maybe a nice bottle of wine and some chocolates should do the trick, see if I can pop round for a couple of hours. (Dry January the most tedious thing ever)
There's been more than one miscarriage, I told her about all the advances in NK cells, how a slightly dodgy TSH level can throw things off.

You sound like a lovely friend, op. Whatever it was you said

It was quite clear to me, even without understanding all the acronyms.
Anyway, OP, I think the SIL is batshit (possibly a narcissist but who knows), BF's "D"H her enabler. I think therapy might be helpful for your friend, she had accepted a lot of shit from her "D"H who should have tried to protect her.
This website is a good read: outofthefog.website

That's something AA, I was shocked at how quick he detached himself, It always came across that he worshipped the ground she walked on.
I was poking DH sarcastically saying take notes.
I get there could be more to this than meets the eye, but she knows I don't judge. She's said maybe she could have handled the family situation better, but in her defence constant phonecalls and visits would drive anyone insane. Plus everything being dictated, it was pretty much event coming up, all planning done, best friend was left looking like an idiot if she couldn't drop her commitments at a moments notice.
As a nurse she was putting in extra shifts to help out at work, towards the end her work/life balance was commented on, but she's a health care professional who goes the extra mile, being commended for doing so.
Sorry it wasn't clear to begin with. I appreciate the comments.

OP, you sound like a good friend, but I honestly think the SIL is a red herring here. Lots of people struggling with trying to conceive deal with interfering and insensitive relatives -- the problem is her idiot ex. Of course your friend is having trouble getting past this - it sounds absolutely appalling.

Thank you for trying to explain a little more. It all sounds a very sad situation and you sound like a good friend.
It sounds like she has been very unlucky falling in love with someone who hasn't been there for her in the way they should be. Sadly this is not uncommon. BUT whilst I know she won't see it now, the good thing is that she hasn't brought a child into this messy situation. Instead she is now free to find someone who's life doesn't revolve around someone else and hopefully she'll have better luck conceiving under happier circumstances. For now she just needs love and support and faith that better things lie ahead.

It's a very confusing situation but did the husband not tell your friend why he wished the marriage to end? Has she not told you this?

Your posts focus on the pregnancies and the two women, but really what's important is your friend and her husband and what he said to her and why he ended it.