Hi there
I am hoping someone on here can help me as I am going through a difficult time and I need the advice of either pregnant or post pregnancy Mums.
My girlfriend is 3 months pregnant but her behaviour is driving me to the edge and I just don't know what to do.
We have been on and off for a number of years and in January 2015 I ended the relationship fully as a result of her behaviour. This was primarily around jealousy whenever I did anything without her. A particular problem was either going out with friends or catching up with female friends. The abuse I received was vile and even though there was absolutely nothing going on with these friends she would make my life a misery if I saw them. I ended the relationship after she cancelled me meeting her family for the first time because the night before I had gone to visit my oldest friend and his partner to see my godchildren and not been available to text until I left. I loved her very much but felt this was not what a stable, healthy relationship should look like.
Some 7 months later she got back in touch and I agreed to see if we could work things out. We talked and I explained my position was unchanged and I would not tolerate the false accusations, abuse and jealousy going forwards. I said I would not give up my friendships, male or female, and we agreed that she would meet these females. She insisted on it and I have nothing to hide so agreed.
Things went well and whilst there were the occasional flare ups around menstruation, I could handle this as it was 2-3 days of difficulty but otherwise she was very caring and loving.
We conceived last year and the first 3 months have been extremely difficult. It is like her menstruation behaviour is permanent and I have comforted myself with the fact hormones do go wild at this stage and been as supportive as I possibly can be.
However recently the frequency of her kick offs have been getting worse. She encouraged me to go out with a friend (male ) for a catch up which I did. She asked what time I would be back and I said I don't know, maybe 9.30 pm. I called and texted her 5 times to tell her I was overrunning and she ignored me. When I returned at 10.20 p.m. she refused to speak to me and then ripped the duvet off me. I pulled it back and she accused me of harming our child. She then refused to talk to me and stared at the wall for 12 hours before insulting me about my ex and leaving me for the day. She did not apologise. If she was not pregnant I probably would have ended the relationship.
Last Sunday she asked me if I would go out to dinner with a friend of hers who has not been very pleasant to her and who I don't think much of. I agreed and asked her in return if she would go out to dinner with my old housemate (female) and her boyfriend. She refused and has regularly kicked off about this person and demonised her for absolutely no reason.
Then the abuse started. She said I had chosen this woman over her and I said that was nonsense. However what she then does is sticks to her mind created false accusations and continually says them over and over even when I have given her information to the contrary. I consider this a form of mental abuse.
She then drove us home and sped ridiculously fast around the residential roads. I explained she was putting our child's life in danger and she said it didn't matter if she lived. She then went into vile comments about my old house mate inferring lewd acts and saying she would never be able to meet the child as she is a witch who will kill it.
I am at my wits end. I moved into her flat to make a go of it but she will not talk to me and keeps continually false accusing me. I feel that I have been duped as she has changed the agreement that we made when getting back together now she is pregnant. I also don't want to leave my child with someone who is this unstable. However I can't see any other way out than leaving. If I do I know she will make life difficult to see my child and I risk losing out on a bonding experience with my baby.
I have told her the behaviour is unacceptable to me and I feel she is ruining what could be such a special time. She refuses to put it right or apologise, she just continues false accusing and making it about the female involved when it is about the use.
My hunch is that if this was a female writing this the advice would be overwhelmingly to leave the relationship, however if you are a man it seems to be different as there is a stigma to leaving a pregnant partner, no matter how bad the abuse.
I am hoping there is someone out there who can help me and give me some advice. Any ideas please?