To ask for your animal horror stories

[messybedroom900]

Inspired by a thread about a cat eating the Christmas Turkey!

Dd was 13 days late and I ended up with an emergency section - 5 days later her cord came off while changing her nappy. After the initial panic I saved it to show the midwife who was due next morning..... except bastard cat ate it in the night!

Whereis, that photo of your labrador is the very image of mine.

My labrador is an old dog now. Will be 13 in the summer.

When he was a young dog we were out walking in the fields one day. He trotted off ahead and seemed to be playing with what I thought was maybe someone's picnic blanket up ahead. Mortified, I called him but he was too engrossed and didn't come back so I had to march up to him to haul him away.

I was even more mortified when I got up close to grab my errant labrador only to discover that on said picnic blanket was a young couple in the middle of an al fresco shag and my dog was licking them all over!!

My dog, called Teddy on here coz he's my Teddy bear, came in from the garden, sauntered around the kitchen and then pissed on the freshly ironed clothes.

When DCat2 was a very small kitten, he jumped up onto the bed and started marching on DH's, naked, chest. DH was rather pleased as DCat was v.nervous as he'd been found on the side of the road after being thrown out of a moving car around six weeks old and we acquired him at about eight weeks once he was ok to leave the vets. - He was rather less pleased to realise his chest was feeling not only warm from DCat's presence, but damp from the widdle...

Worst personal one was cleaning a lot of pus and about six, very fat, maggots from a wound on a horse that came into a rescue centre I was volunteering in - that was not a pleasant task.

Oh God topseyt that just literally made me gafaw waking dh. he was not impressed untill I told him why. Now he's silently chuckling trying to get back to sleep.

Mylittle, glad to be of service.

There was another occasion on holiday on a Welsh beach. It was the dog area of the beach. We went for a walk. There was a boat which was beached. Nobody anywhere near.

Mr. Labrador raced around the boat and in just a split second returned with a plastic carrier bag in his mouth, which I took off him.

A man suddenly seemed to mushroom up out of the sand from absolutely nowhere and asked could my dog possibly have just eaten his organic bacon fishing bait as it had been inter bag. I looked in the bag, which was empty. The fishing bait was indeed now in the labrador.

Fortunately the guy was affable enough about it. I offered to pay for more but he wouldn't have it.

Actually, I was rather amazed at organic bacon being used as fishing bait. I wondered whether Welsh fish might have expensive tastes.

In the bag. Daft auto-correct.

DDog2 is a trained gundog and will pick up literally anything furry or feathery she comes across on walks. Doesn't matter if it's alive, recently dead or rancid and semi-decomposed. Due to her training she doesn't drop things like this either, she's been trained only to deliver game to hand so I have to take whatever it is off her and then try to get rid of it somewhere she won't instantly pick it up and bring it back to me again. The number of times I've gingerly tried to find the least skanky part of some half-rotted carcass to grasp and then it has literally fallen apart as I take hold of it. I keep an emergency poo bag on me at all times to use as a rotting carcass glove

I have also on many, many occasions had to remove live creatures from her gob. She's very soft mouthed and usually they're intact but somewhat shocked. Usually it's a bird of some description but on one occasion she managed to find 3 baby rabbits laid up somewhere and came back looking delighted with herself with all 3 of them crammed in her mouth. I was mortified and frantically got them out but sadly the one squished in at the back against her molars hadn't survived. The other two got a trip to the local wildlife hospital in a box in the back of my car and were released again a few weeks later.

She jumped on my lap one evening and pressed her face against mine for a cuddle, as she usually does... awww, I thought... until the smell hit me and I realised that she must have literally done a headstand in fox shit on our evening walk without me seeing her and got it all smeared up under her ears (floppy spaniel ears) and had now transferred it to my face

Lovely beach walk one day with my two and a friend and her two dogs. All of them having a great time running around then suddenly all 4 make a beeline for a pile of driftwood up ahead of us. Except it wasn't driftwood, it was a decomposing porpoise and all 4 of them were ecstatically rolling on top of and inside it. Literally having a fucking whale of a time. The smell was indescribable and it turns out that rotting blubber has a unique slimy texture that is all but impossible to get out of spaniel fur. Several days and what felt like several hundred Fairy liquid shampoos later I could still smell it on them

I absolutely adore them but they are rancid little creatures.

I was about 13 when our dog managed to somehow open the door to the outhouse where an aberdeen angus roast joint had been placed to rest. It was enough to serve 10 people and the dog ate it all.

So no only did we not have beef but we had to listen to the dog farting all day as it struggled to digest the mamouth portion it ate.

Forgot to add, perhaps not as bad as a friend's Lab though who on many, many occasions has found human shit in their local country park, rolled in it and then got up and eaten what she hasn't managed to smear all over herself. They've actually had to stop walking in that place from May through to September due to the sheer amount of human excrement there - and this is a country park in a posh part of the Home Counties