I feel stuck and I'm hoping there's a way out that I just can't see.
I have bipolar. It flared late last year for the first time in 6 years, which led to me having a panic attack infront of a consulting client, who was lovely. My company fired me. I settled out of court on the advice of my psychiatrist and got 6 months salary; thereabouts.
Psychiatrist recommended I didn't work until things are better. Looked at benefits but PIP has a 24 week wait time here, ESA is £114 a fortnight until I've been assessed, LHA is a quarter of my rent. I can't move, I've just renewed my tenancy and have nowhere to go anyway.
I went self-employed this month, and got two clients quite fast, but I don't really believe in myself at the minute so working is hard and for one client specifically, I feel we're always five steps behind. She's strong willed and difficult to work for; and she isn't paying enough for the hours. That said, the smaller easier client is currently paying 50% of my rent, and she's paying the rest and a bit extra for bills, so I'm not eating too much into my payout, although there is less than a grand left.
What do I do? Try to go back to work? I'm not sure I could commute. Sack bad client for other clients? I have no time to find new ones whilst she's taking it all up. Stick it out and hope I don't end up sectioned?
I spent yesterday sobbing and today I feel so out of it that I can't see straight. Psychiatrist says to do what I can each day but I can't live without a job of some sort and no job is going to let me say I can't work today... Eurgh. New meds will kick in at some point but not right now, and I can't cope with another week like last week. I feel like walking until I break.